- Scott Erickson: Well, not a bad first week. I dated Lindsay, I found out there's money to be made here, and if Tommy D. didn't kill me over this, he'll never kill me. I'm gonna like this school.
- Rachel Meyers: [debating on going to the prom without a date] I would rather wear my underwear on my head.
- Tommy 'D' De Luca: [selling chicken at the mall while wearing a chicken costume] Cluck Cluck! Chicken for a buck!
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: [calling Mr. Belding on walkie-talkie] Papa Bear to Goldilocks.come in, Goldilocks.
- Maria Lopez: [trying to convince Screech to give her a passing grade in Driver's Ed] C'mon, Screech! Have a heart. Remember when YOU were 16? Driving is more important than even... breathing.
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Don't stop breathing! I once stopped breathing and a bunch of strangers started hugging me with a Heimlich.
- Scott Erickson: [sucking up to Mr. Belding] Hey, Coach!
- Principal Richard Belding: If you're talking to me, young man, I happen to be your principal, not your coach.
- Scott Erickson: You're kidding! Principals are usually fat old guys, not athletic studs like YOU.
- Principal Richard Belding: [Mr. Belding has just written "? NOITSEUQ EHT S'TAHW" on the blackboard] All right, who knows the answer?
- Tommy 'D' De Luca: Who knows the question?
- Tommy 'D' De Luca: [in class discussing dyslexia] Hey, maybe I suffer from that.
- Ryan Parker: Nope, you're just you.
- Ryan Parker: That's it, I'm getting my own car!
- R. J. 'Hollywood' Collins: Great. Toys 'R' Us is right down the street.
- Tommy 'D' De Luca: Welcome to Bayside, kid.
- Scott Erickson: Well, you got me THIS time, D. Watch out, it's a looong way to graduation.
- Tommy 'D' De Luca: [Sarcastic reply] Ooooo, I'm trembling in my boots!
- Principal Richard Belding: [arguing with Screech about the school play] I'm the director!
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: You couldn't direct traffic!
- Megan Jones: Vicki, you're my best friend. But do you have to start the day off by depressing everyone?
- Vicki Needleman: She asked me how I was doing. With me, it's like calling 9-1-1!