Beach Babes from Beyond

What a cast this movie has! Estevez! Stallone! Swayze! Travolta! Especially surprising given this is a micro budget beach movie. Oh wait...wait...my researchers have just handed me a piece of paper - the actual cast is Joe Estevez, Jackie Stallone, Don Swayze and Joey Travolta....does that still count? Linnea Quigley's in in as well, does that make up for this? Well, I'll let you decide. Its about a trio of alien babes who arrive on a Californian beach and a whole bunch of barely interesting things follow. Its also worth mentioning that this one also features a knuckle-headed beach band who play a song called 'I've Got a Woody'.

Patrick Swayze's BROTHER??? Charlie Sheen's UNCLE??? Sylvester Stallone's MOTHER??? John Travolta's BROTHER??? Batman's SIDEKICK??? What's not to love? All we need is Clint Howard, LaToya Jackson, and Ron Reagan to make it perfect.

I`ve seen this movie twice, both times on Cinemax. The first time in it`s unrated version which is soft-core porn at it`s best and the second time in a trimmed down (cut all the sex and most of the nudity out) version which was entertaining in a typical beach movie sort of way. The unrated version has a tremendous sex scene with Nikki Fritz, a dude and a bottle of oil which is out of this world (no pun intended). Unfortunately, in the trimmed version that scene is almost completely chopped out, as are all the other sex scenes. Rated or unrated it is still fun to watch all the siblings of bigger stars (Stallone, Sheen, Travolta, etc;) trying to act. We also get appearances by B-queen Linnea Quigley and Burt Ward (Robin from the old Batman series).

And I'm all for a sci-fi sex comedy.

The boobs are fake, there are these interminable beach dance sequences, and... it's got Joe Estevez. Worst of all, nothing about this movie is funny. At all. Oh man, then they wedge in all these horrible songs (I couldn't find any music credits, probably intentional).

I watched the "uncut" version, running a whole 79 minutes (and I did a lot of clock watching). Everything about Beach Babes From Beyond is gratuitous, and carries on entirely too long. So it really makes me wonder, where does the censorship begin and end, and how much is too much? It is a short movie, full of excess.

I loved the opening credits sequence. Fully naked chick in the shower, for as long it takes the credits to roll. Some nice outfits and bikinis, and that's all I got. Plot is asinine, sub plots come out of nowhere.

I dunno, try Space Babes From Outer Space. That is a genuinely good time, the plot is funny (and is an excuse to include sex), and there are fetching ladies in foxy outfits, as well as various states of undress. Likely done on a fraction of the budget this one had.

I recently watched Beach Babes from Beyond (1993) on Prime. The story centers on a group of alien young ladies who crash their fathers' spacecraft on Earth in California while out for a cruise. They meet some young men facing eviction, and the ladies offer to help the boys keep their house in exchange for assistance in getting back home.

This movie is directed by David DeCoteau (Puppetmaster III) and stars Joe Estevez (The Roller Blade Seven), Don Swayze (Evasive Action), Linnea Quigley (The Return of the Living Dead), Joey Travolta (Beverly Hills Cop III), Jackie Stallone (The Appointment) and Burt Ward (Batman).

This movie essentially falls into the softcore porn category, with extended, awkward sex scenes. It's filled with full-frontal nudity, classic softcore background music, and an enticing shower scene during the opening credits. The storyline attempts to mimic the feel-good 80s comedies but primarily serves as a pretext for sexual encounters. The sex scenes are drawn out and may leave even the actors feeling uncomfortable. While the outfits are well chosen, the final "fundraising scene" drags on awkwardly and feels like a poorly executed 90s late-night music video.

In conclusion, this movie is not recommended unless you're specifically seeking a softcore porno film. I would rate this a 3/10 and suggest it only if you have the right expectations.