Sylvester Stallone credited as playing...
Det. John Spartan
- Lenina Huxley: I have, in fact, perused some newsreels in the Schwarzenegger Library, and the time that you took that car...
- John Spartan: Hold it. The Schwarzenegger Library?
- Lenina Huxley: Yes. The Schwarzenegger Presidential Library. Wasn't he an actor when you...?
- John Spartan: Stop! He was President?
- Lenina Huxley: Yes! Even though he was not born in this country, his popularity at the time caused the 61st Amendment which states...
- John Spartan: I don't wanna know. President...
- T.V. Reporter: [to John Spartan] How can you justify destroying a $7 million dollar mini mall to rescue a girl whose ransom was only $25,000 dollars?
- Little Girl: FUCK YOU, LADY!
- John Spartan: Ha! Good answer!
- John Spartan: [to machine on wall after finding out that they no longer use toilet paper] Thanks a lot you shit-brained, fuck-faced, ball breaking, duck fucking pain in the ass.
- Moral Statute Machine: John Spartan, you are fined five credits for repeated violations of the verbal morality statute.
- John Spartan: [grabbing the tickets] So much for the seashells. See you in a few minutes.
- Lenina Huxley: He's finally matched his meet. You really licked his ass.
- John Spartan: That's *met* his match and kicked... *kicked* his ass...
- [last lines]
- John Spartan: But there's just one thing I wanna know...
- Lenina Huxley: Hm?
- John Spartan: How's that damn three seashell thing work?
- John Spartan: Bad aim, Blondie!
- Simon Phoenix: Spartan? John Spartan? Aw shit, they let anybody into this century! What the hell you doing here?
- [the voice-activated car that Spartan is riding in is malfunctioning]
- John Spartan: Brake! Brake! Brake now, you Mickey Mouse-piece of shit!
- Lenina Huxley: [Spartan encounters a burger grill in the underground world] Just don't ask them where the meat comes from.
- John Spartan: Huxley, what's that supposed to mean?
- Lenina Huxley: Do you see any cows around here, detective?
- John Spartan: Que es este carne?
- [What is this meat?]
- Hamburger Stand Scrap: Este carne es de rata.
- [This meat is from rats]
- John Spartan: Rat? This is a rat burger?
- [vendor nods]
- John Spartan: Not bad! Matter of fact this is the best burger I've had in years!
- Hamburger Stand Scrap: Gracias, Senor.
- John Spartan: Prego. See ya later.
- Lenina Huxley: The exchange of bodily fluids, do you know what that leads to?
- John Spartan: Yeah, I do! Kids, smoking, a desire to raid the fridge.
- [cops are singing along with "golden oldies": radio jingles]
- John Spartan: Somebody put me back in the fridge.
- [after futuristic, contact-free "sex"]
- John Spartan: Look, Huxley, why don't we just do it the old-fashioned way?
- Lenina Huxley: [stands up, shocked] Eeewww, disgusting! You mean... *fluid transfer*?
- Lenina Huxley: What you're telling me to do is violate a direct order. I'm supposed to take you back to the Cryo Prison.
- John Spartan: Listen, Huxley. I just know okay. I'm gonna find Phoenix and I'm gonna put him on ice or that's where *I'm* gonna be. After that, I'm gonna turn all of my attention to that fuckin' Cacteau.
- Lenina Huxley: Enhance your calm, John Spartan.
- John Spartan: Look, I'm tired of enhancing my calm.
- Alfredo Garcia: [Seeing Spartan opening the pod to the depths of wasteland] Wait, you're opening the pod to the depths of wasteland?
- John Spartan: The real reason why your citywide search didn't work is because Phoenix was in an area that A: You can't monitor. B: You're afraid to go down and C: You don't give a shit about. Now, I'm going to find Phoenix and I'm gonna put him in a hurt locker. So, are you coming with me, or are you gonna arrest me?
- Lenina Huxley: Okay. Let's go blow this guy.
- John Spartan: [Annoyed] Away. Blow this guy *away*?
- Lenina Huxley: Whatever.
- Taco Bell Patron: What would you say if I called you a brutish fossil, symbolic of a decayed era gratefully forgotten?
- John Spartan: I don't know... thanks?
- Lenina Huxley: Chief, you can take this job, and you can shovel it.
- John Spartan: Take this job... and shovel it.
- Lenina Huxley: Yeah?
- John Spartan: Close enough.
- John Spartan: [whispering to Lenina] Look, I don't know if you guys know it, but uh... you're out of toilet paper.
- Alfredo Garcia: [confused] Did... did you say toilet *paper*?
- Lenina Huxley: Um... they used handfuls of wadded paper back in the 20th...
- [Lenina, Alfredo, and Erwin all laugh]
- John Spartan: I'm happy that you're happy, but the place where you're supposed to have the toilet paper, you've got this little shelf with three seashells on it.
- Erwin: He doesn't know how to use the three seashells!
- [Erwin continues to laugh, then calms down]
- Erwin: I can see how that could be confusing.
- Lenina Huxley: I was wondering if you would like to have sex?
- John Spartan: [surprised] Here? With you? Now?
- Lenina Huxley: [nervously, nodding] Mm-hmm.
- John Spartan: Oh yeah.
- Lenina Huxley: No, John Spartan, you do not accuse the savior of our city of being in league with a multi-murder-death-killer like Simon Phoenix! It's... rude!
- John Spartan: I'll be subtle. I'm good at subtle.