- Larry Lipton: I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland.
- Hotel night clerk: You are with police?
- Larry Lipton: Yes, I'm a detective. They lowered the height requirement.
- [Hands Hotel Day Clerk a one-dollar tip]
- Larry Lipton: What are you making a face for? He's the father of our country.
- [last lines]
- Carol Lipton: You were jealous of Ted.
- Larry Lipton: Ted, you've gotta be kidding, take away his elevator shoes and his fake suntan and his capped teeth and what do you have?
- Carol Lipton: You!
- Larry Lipton: Right, I like that!
- Larry Lipton: I forbid. I forbid you to go. I'm forbidding!... Is that what you do when I'm forbidding?
- Larry Lipton: Meanwhile, I can't get that Flying Dutchman theme out of my head. Remind me tomorrow to buy up all the Wagner records in town and rent a chainsaw.
- Larry Lipton: I think it's a reasonable assumption that if you're dead you don't suddenly turn up in the New York City Transit System.
- Carol Lipton: I don't understand why you're not more fascinated with this! I mean, we could be living next door to a murderer, Larry.
- Larry Lipton: Well, New York is a melting pot! I'm used to it!
- Larry Lipton: You're suggesting we try to provoke him into murdering us?
- Marcia Fox: You have a problem with that?
- Larry Lipton: Well, either that, or I suddenly developed Parkinson's.
- Carol Lipton: Helen Dubin's wrong for Ted. She's too mousey.
- Larry Lipton: Well, he's a little mousey. They could have their little rodent time together, they could eat cheese together...
- Carol Lipton: Well, listen, I think maybe I will go back to seeing my shrink, I think, I think I...
- Larry Lipton: You don't have to see your shrink, there's nothing wrong with you that can't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.
- Larry Lipton: Oh, God. I can't wait to get into bed and stretch out. You know, there's a Bob Hope movie on television later.
- Carol Lipton: I know. Do you believe this guy in Indiana? He killed twelve victims, dismembered them, and ate them.
- Larry Lipton: Really? Well, it's an alternative lifestyle.
- Arthur Bannister: [on the movie screen, "The Lady from Shanghai" is playing] I'm aiming at you, lover.
- Mrs. Dalton: I'm aiming at you, lover.
- Arthur Bannister: Of course, killing you is killing myself.
- Mrs. Dalton: Of course, killing you is killing myself.
- Arthur Bannister: But you know, I'm pretty tired of both of us.
- Mrs. Dalton: But you know, I'm pretty tired of both of us.
- [On the screen, Arthur and Elsa shoot at each other, breaking mirrors; in the theatre, Mrs. Dalton and Mr. House shoot at each other, breaking mirrors and finally killing Mr. House]
- Larry Lipton: I'll never say that life doesn't imitate art again.
- Larry Lipton: My life is passing before my eyes. The worst part about it is that I'm driving a used car.
- Carol Lipton: Larry, I think it's time we reevaluated our lives.
- Larry Lipton: I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10, you got a 6.
- Larry Lipton: New York is the city that never sleeps! That's why we don't live in Duluth. That, plus I don't even know where Duluth is. Lucky me.
- Larry Lipton: Jesus, couldn't you keep the conversation going a little longer in there? I was signaling you frantically.
- Carol Lipton: I was just trying to be neighborly.
- Larry Lipton: Neighborly? If this guy showed me his stamp collection one more time - my favorite thing in life is to, you know, look at cancelled postage.
- Larry Lipton: This guy gets his jollies from licking the back of postage stamps.
- Ted: I can see that, depending on who's picture is on the stamp.
- Larry Lipton: How could you see her? She's dead. Not only is she dead, she's been cremated. It's not even Halloween.
- Carol Lipton: I mean, we've got nothing in common, that's for sure. Now that, now that Nick's grown up, I mean, you know, we're just left facing each other.
- Larry Lipton: You got stuff in common with Ted, right? You can cook together with Ted, or you can take your clothes off and baste a chicken with him.
- Carol Lipton: Oh, right. Oh, oh, well, what about you and Marcia, huh? What does she teach you besides poker? That's what I'd like to know, okay?
- Larry Lipton: Mud wrestling. Is that what you want to hear? Nothing, I'm her editor.
- Paul House: Well, what do you buy a woman who has everything?
- Lillian House: We already own twin cemetery plots.
- Larry Lipton: I always think a Bentley is in good taste. Or, you could go the route I did and buy her a set of handkerchiefs.
- Carol Lipton: Well, they were very nice though, and they had my initials.
- Larry Lipton: Yeah, and I didn't even know her size.
- Larry Lipton: Very nice. I love a hotel that's got lots of blue powder sprinkled along the baseboards.
- Larry Lipton: I was thinking of fixing Ted up with Helen Dubin, but then I figured they would just, you know, get into an argument over penis envy or something. The poor guy suffers from it so.
- Ted: I want to celebrate. You want to go see what Larry and Carol are doing?
- Marcia Fox: I think they want to be alone.
- Ted: Oh, right. Well, uh, what about you? Do you have plans?
- Marcia Fox: You're taking me to dinner, right?
- Ted: Right, absolutely! Only we can't sleep together, not tonight.
- Marcia Fox: Why not?
- Ted: Well, because I already slept with Helen Moss once today, and I'm not young and active like I used to be.
- Marcia Fox: You'll do anything to catch a murderer, won't you?
- Ted: Mmm-hmm.
- Carol Lipton: You know I've never seen a dead body before.
- Larry Lipton: I have. My uncle Morris, 93 years old. He collapsed from too many lumps in his cereal.
- Carol Lipton: Larry, he had her cremated.
- Larry Lipton: How do you know it was her? Did the ashes resemble Mrs. House?
- Carol Lipton: A bus. It passed me and she was on it.
- Larry Lipton: The dead woman passed you on the bus? Which bus was this? The bus to heaven?
- Carol Lipton: Larry, is this the most exciting thing that's ever happened to us in our whole marriage?
- Larry Lipton: This is too exciting. I don't need this. You know, I like something - I like a fishing trip or Father's Day, you know, or the time we saw Bing Crosby walking down 5th Avenue. You know, I don't need a murder to - to enliven my life at all.
- Carol Lipton: What are you doing? Hey, what are you doing with matches?
- Larry Lipton: These are my matches.
- Carol Lipton: Wait a minute, when were you at the Café des Artistes?
- Larry Lipton: I was with an author, an authoress.
- Carol Lipton: At Café des Artistes?
- Larry Lipton: A French - A French authoress.
- Helen Moss: Before the drama prize.
- Ted: The drama prize? I don't remember.
- Helen Moss: Remember? Remember? "Out, out, damn spot." The topless Macbeth.
- Ted: Oh yeah, oh, for the fraternity party, yeah. The topless Macbeth. How could I forget that?
- Helen Moss: I was great in that.
- Larry Lipton: You have all these skills and you're beautiful and you can write so well and now it turns out you play poker! This is too good to be true.
- Marcia Fox: Well, I wouldn't say beautiful.
- Larry Lipton: Oh, I would.
- Marcia Fox: But, I do have tremendous sex appeal.
- Larry Lipton: Okay. You sold me.
- Carol Lipton: What? You think she's Ted's type? Is that...
- Larry Lipton: Ted's type? She's anybody's type. She's brilliant. She's talented...
- Carol Lipton: You know, you're pupils are dilating. I want to tell you that.
- Larry Lipton: She's *dangerously* sexual.
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By what name was Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993) officially released in India in English?
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