Steve Smith credited as playing...
Red Green • Ranger Gord
- Red Green: Well, I'm not gonna be calling the U.S. Air Force, Harold. What do I say? We've got a missile? They take that as a threat, we're in real trouble.
- Harold Green: Well, then, contact the Canadian Air Force.
- Red Green: Harold, it's after six; he's gone home.
- [closing line of each episode]
- Red Green: And to the rest of you, thanks for watching. On behalf of myself and Harold and the whole gang up here at Possum Lodge... keep your stick on the ice.
- Red Green: You ever see one of these? It's called a GPS, which stands for - well, who cares? Point is, this thing uses satellites to tell you where you are, which means that every man can have a five-hundred-dollar reason not to ask for directions.
- Harold Green: [Reading from a driver's manual] "Two drivers approach an umarked intersection at the same time. Who has the right-of-way?"
- Red Green: The guy in the big truck.
- Harold Green: No, Uncle Red. It says here, "The guy on the right always has the right-of-way."
- Red Green: Unless the other guy has the big truck.
- Harold Green: Uncle Red, check the manual.
- Red Green: Harold, check the cemetery.
- Red Green: [advice on why not to re-marry] She's marrying you for the exact opposite reason you're marrying her: she thinks you'll change. She thinks you'll change, for the BETTER. Things don't get better as they get older. Look at your truck. Look at your roof. Look in the MIRROR!
- Red Green: You can't be forgetting your wedding anniversary, Dalton.
- Dalton Humphries: Yeah, it's kind of ironic when the second dumbest thing you ever did was to forget the dumbest thing you ever did.
- Harold Green: Where does cheese come from, anyway?
- Red Green: I'm not sure but I think butter comes from leaving milk out too long.
- Harold Green: Maybe cheese is butter that has been left out too long...
- Red Green: Yeah, could be... but I always thought cheese was a urine product. No, maybe that's cheez-whiz.
- Red Green: [singing] Oh, they're weighin' the fish at the fish weigh-in, down at Mercury Creek / The prize is a boat and a thousand bucks for the biggest fish of the week / I caught me a nice little sunfish, it's gonna make me a winner / Not from the weight of the fish itself, but the ball bearings I fed it for dinner.
- Red Green: And the best part is, Junior doesn't need a license to fly it. Apparently, it qualifies as a 'manned kite'. Or a 'manned lightning rod'; we'll see.