- ["Sweet Home Alabama" plays in background, to Poe and Baby-O]
- Garland Greene: Define irony. Bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.
- Garland Greene: [talking about Billy Bedlam to Poe and Baby-O] He's a font of misplaced rage. Name your cliché; mother held him too much or not enough, last picked at kickball, late night sneaky uncle, whatever. Now he's so angry moments of levity actually cause him pain; gives him headaches. Happiness, for that gentleman, hurts.
- Cameron Poe: [sarcastically to Baby-O and Guard Sally Bishop, upon seeing Malloy's Corvette Stingray attached to the flying plane] On any other day, that might seem strange.
- Cameron Poe: [to Larkin, while in the private jet hanger] Sorry boss, but there's only two men I trust. One of them's me. The other's not you.
- Cyrus Grissom: [when first meeting Johnny 23] I despise rapists. For me, you're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you're really thirsty. But, in your case, I'll make an exception.
- Guard Falzon: [after searching him] It smells like someone shit in your mouth.
- Pinball: He told me he loved me.
- Little Girl: [siting in front of her at her children's tea party table] Are you sick?
- Garland Greene: Why do you ask?
- Little Girl: You look sick.
- Garland Greene: I am sick.
- Little Girl: Do you take medicine?
- Garland Greene: There is no medicine for what I have.
- Cyrus Grissom: [Holding a gun up to the head of a stuffed pink bunny]
- Cyrus Grissom: [to Cameron] Make a move and the bunny gets it.
- Cyrus Grissom: Guard Falzon?
- Guard Falzon: What?
- Cyrus Grissom: [in squeaky voice] Oh, stewardess? Stewardess? What's the in-flight movie today?
- Guard Falzon: Well, I think you'll like it, Cyrus. It's called "I'll Never Make Love to a Woman on the Beach Again", and it's preceded by the award-winning short, "No More Steak for Me, Ever".
- [Guard Falzon walks away chuckling]
- Cyrus Grissom: [mumbles] Funny fucker, aren't ya?
- Cameron Poe: [Poe returns to his seat after visiting the belly of the plane]
- Garland Greene: Two went down, one came up.
- Cameron Poe: Wasn't my fault.
- Garland Greene: Well, you don't have to tell me. Most murders are crimes of necessity rather than desire. But the great ones, Dahmer, Gacy, Bundy... they did it because it excited them.
- Cameron Poe: [angrily] Don't you... I got nothing in common with them, with you. Don't you talk to me! They were insane.
- Garland Greene: Now you're talking semantics. What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years... at the end of which they tell you to piss off? Ending up in some retirement village... hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time. Wouldn't you consider that to be insane?
- Cameron Poe: Murdering thirty people, semantics or not, is insane!
- Garland Greene: [smiles] One girl... I drove through three states wearing her head as a hat.
- Cameron Poe: It's my daughter's birthday today. So please feel free not to share everything with me.
- William 'Billy Bedlam' Bedford: You lost your mind?
- Cyrus Grissom: According to my last psych evaluation, yes.
- Cameron Poe: [smashing Johnny 23's head into the cage wall on each word] DON'T. TREAT. WOMEN. LIKE. THAT!
- Cameron Poe: I'll get the fuel truck
- Cyrus Grissom: Thanks, Poe. You've proven to be a most useful mammal.
- Cameron Poe: Many hands make light work. My daddy taught me that.
- Cyrus Grissom: Ya know what my daddy taught me?
- Cameron Poe: What's that?
- Cyrus Grissom: Nothing.
- Cameron Poe: Self-educated man.
- Larkin: [while in the US Marshalls office] Contingency plans for something like this don't exist! A situation like this has never been contemplated.
- Duncan Malloy: Well, you better start contemplating, because this is a situation that needs to get UN-FUCKED, RIGHT NOW!
- Cyrus Grissom: Considering my audience, I'm going to make this very quick and very simple.
- [points to objects in the sand]
- Cyrus Grissom: This is the boneyard, this is the hanger, this is our plane.
- Viking: [points] What's that?
- Cyrus Grissom: That's a rock.
- [knocks it out of the way]
- Viking: Okay.
- Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: [intentionally antagonizing him] Yee-haw! What's on your mind, Hillbilly?
- Cameron Poe: What was I thinking about? Oh, yeah, "yee-haw", that's right. I was just wondering what a black militant - that would be you - was doin' takin' orders from a white boy on a power trip? Don't you think that's strange?
- Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: It's a means to an end, my white friend. A means to an end. See, I's can play house nigger tills we get to where we're goin'. And then, the Day of the Dog begins.
- Duncan Malloy: [about his Corvette, to Vince and Skip Devers] Beautiful? Sunsets are beautiful. Newborn babies are beautiful. This... this is fucking spectacular!
- Cameron Poe: [to Baby-O] They somehow managed to get every creep and freak in the universe onto this one plane. And then somehow managed to let them take it over. And then somehow managed to stick us right smack in the middle.
- Cameron Poe: [while in the private jet hanger] If this thing goes bad, Larkin, I don't think my daughter will... understand. If you speak to my wife again, you tell her: that I love her. She's my hummin'bird. But, I couldn't leave a fallen man behind. You'll do that for me, won't you, Larkin?
- Vince Larkin: Sure, I will. What are you gonna do for me?
- Cameron Poe: What do you think I'm gonna do? I'm gonna save the fuckin' day!
- Cameron Poe: [as people scramble to catch money from the armored car that collided with the fire engine] Just so's ya know, Marshal Larkin, there's now three people I trust.
- Vince Larkin: Am I one of them?
- Cameron Poe: [they shake hands]
- Duncan Malloy: [about Vince Larkin being unreachable] Of course you're having trouble reaching him. He's off saving the rain forest, or recycling his sandals or some shit.
- Pinball: I just gotta know one thing.
- Pinball: You didn't mean that "dirty nigger crack head" shit, did you?
- Cyrus Grissom: Give me that gun.
- Cyrus Grissom: [takes the gun]
- Cyrus Grissom: Hell yes, I meant it.
- Pinball: [before attempting to disguise convicts as prison guards] I don't know how to tell ya this, Cyrus, but we are three white guys short. Or as they say in Ebonics, "We be fucked."
- Garland Greene: [singing while the plane is landing on the La Vegas Strip] He's got the who-ole wo-orld in his hands...
- Vince Larkin: [while in the surveillance truck] This one's done it all: kidnapping, robbery, murder, extortion.
- Man on P.A.: Foxtrot Charlie, perimeter is secure. You are clear to release.
- Vince Larkin: His name is Cyrus Grissom, A.K.A. Cyrus the Virus. Thirty-nine years old, twenty-five of them spent in our institutions. But he's bettered himself inside. Earned two degrees, including his juris doctorate. He also killed eleven fellow inmates, incited three riots, and escaped twice. Likes to brag that he killed more men than cancer.
- Guard Falzon: Okay, open wide. Lift your tongue.
- Vince Larkin: Cyrus is a poster child for the criminally insane. He's a true product of the system.
- Duncan Malloy: What's that supposed to mean?
- [to Sims]
- Duncan Malloy: What is he, one of these sociology majors who thinks we're responsible for breeding these animals?
- Vince Larkin: No, but I can point a few fingers if it would make you feel comfortable.
- Vince Larkin: [over the helicopter radio with Duncan] You with me or do you need me to draw it in crayon like usual?
- Vince Larkin: [while in the private jet hanger] If you can't trust a South American drug lord, who can you trust, huh?
- Cameron Poe: [silence]
- Vince Larkin: That was a joke.
- Cameron Poe: I'm glad you told me.
- Vince Larkin: [while in the US Marshalls office] "The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by observing its prisoners." Dostevsky said that... after doin' a little time.
- Duncan Malloy: "Fuck you!" Cyrus Grissom said that after putting a bullet in my agent's head, okay?
- Vince Larkin: [to Sims while walking to the surveillance truck] We pick up Mr. Cindino in Carson City. From then until the plane hits Alabama, we've got two hours to get him to talk. We got you a seat right next to him, and he's known to be somewhat garrulous in the company of thieves.
- Duncan Malloy: Garrulous? What the fuck is garrulous?
- Vince Larkin: That would be loquacious, verbose, effusive. How about chatty?
- Duncan Malloy: [to Devers] What's with Dictionary Boy?
- Vince Larkin: "Thesaurus Boy" I think is more appropriate.
- Vince Larkin: Where are you going with my plane, Cyrus?
- Cyrus Grissom: [in the cockpit of the plane] We're going to Disney Land.
- Vince Larkin: You're lying, Cyrus.
- Cyrus Grissom: So are you, Vince.
- Cyrus Grissom: [singing mockingly]
- Cyrus Grissom: Ohh... nothing makes me sadder than the agent lost his bladder in the... aaaiirrrplane.
- Vince Larkin: [Larking throws the headset he's using]
- Cyrus Grissom: [addressing the convicts and prison guards on the plane] Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have the only gun on board. Welcome to Con Air.
- Larkin: [tosses a folder onto a table while in the US Marshalls office] Here's the jacket on Cameron Poe. His wife's on the way here now. A U.S. Ranger, highly decorated. Did a litte hellraising when he was a kid, but nothing serious.
- Duncan Malloy: Explain to me why any of this matters.
- Larkin: Fact 1: we've got a plane up there filled with killers, rapists, and thieves and we've got this guy Cameron Poe: in on an involuntary manslaughter beef, non-gang affiliated. He's a parolee hitching a ride home. Fact 2: Poe has a chance to get off the plane, doesn't do it. Why? Fact 3: our guard Falzon said a convict named Cameron Poe planted Sims's tape recorder on him.
- [brightens]
- Larkin: These are interesting facts. You do the math on this... and we got an ally on that plane.
- [referring to Malloy's Corvette falling from the plane]
- Vince Larkin: I know a good body shop in Fresno if it's insured.
- Duncan Malloy: I was bored with that car anyway.
- Vince Larkin: It worked out nicely, then.
- Larkin: [while in surveillance truck] Nathan Jones, A.K.A. Diamond Dog. Former general of the Black Guerillas. He blew up a meeting of the National Rifle Association saying, and I quote, "They represented the basest negativity of the white race." He wrote a book in prison called, "Reflections in a Diamond Eye." New York Times called it a wakeup call for the black community. They're talking to Denzel for the movie.
- Francisco Cindino: [in the cockpit of the plane] Don't they have a way of tracking these planes?
- Swamp Thing: Oh, yeah. It's called a transponder. Every plane's got one, Cindino.
- Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: [sarcastic] Swamp, where is the transponder?
- Cyrus Grissom: [looks at the empty bay] Ah! Where, indeed?
- Cyrus Grissom: [to Agent Sims] You know, the next time you choose a human shield, you're better off not picking a two-bit negro crackhead.
- Guard Falzon: My, my. As I look around, I see a lot of celebrities among us. I see eleven Current Affairs, two Hard Copies and
- [looking in Diamond Dog's cage]
- Guard Falzon: a genuine Geraldo interviewee. But, I gotta tell you gentlemen, none of this impresses me. Becuase we have rules on this aircraft, and they're gonna be enforced. It's a lot like kindergarten, you'll keep your hands to yourself, you'll keep the decibel level down, and if any of you should feel the need to scream, spit or bite, you'll get the treatment.
- Con #2: [spits on Falzon's feet] Fuck you, pig.
- Guard Falzon: [to the other guards] Gag and bag this Nazi muffin.
- [hits the con and the other guards use tape and put a breathable bag over his head]
- Guard Falzon: See, this kinda thing puts me in a foul mood. These rules will be enforced. If there's a hint of trouble, if any of you so much as passes gas in my direction it offends my delicate nasal passages, your testicles will become my personal property.
- Agent Sims: [while using Pinball as a human shield] I'm DEA! Do you know what the fuck that means?
- Pinball: It means you're the most crooked nigger on this plane!
- Cameron Poe: Christ in a cartoon.
- Johnny 23: Shit, that's Garland Greene man.
- Cameron Poe: The Marietta Mangler.
- Baby O: That skinny little man butchered thirty-something people up and down the eastern seaboard. They say the way he killed those people, makes the Manson Family look like the Partridge Family.
- Cameron Poe: Well, he's on the right flight.
- Cameron Poe: [taking daughter's picture back] Told you I'd get that back.
- Guard Falzon: Fuck you, trailer trash!
- Cameron Poe: HEY! My mama lives in a trailer! Now put those on! I just saved your life.
- Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: [Holding 3 guards at gun point, singing] Swing low, sweet chariot, comin' for to carry me home...
- Cameron Poe: What's going on here?
- Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: It's time to off the pigs.
- Cameron Poe: You can't.
- Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: Why not?
- Cameron Poe: They're hostages, we need them.
- Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: [Points the gun at Poe] Now why the fuck do you care?
- Cameron Poe: Hey, man. I can think of anything I'd like...
- [Kicks the first guard]
- Cameron Poe: ...better, than to put a...
- [Kicks the second guard]
- Cameron Poe: ...bullet, into the brain-base here of every one of these...
- [Kicks the third guard]
- Cameron Poe: FUCKERS! But the fact of the matter is how well do you know this Cindino? I don't know him that well, myself. Just what I read. Like how he firebombed that Senator's yacht with 2 of his cousins on board. Now, why would think he'd sweat about eliminating some hired guns after they have served their purpose, now think about that.
- Cyrus Grissom: [while pacing back and forth on the wing of the plane] What exactly are we discussing here?
- Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: Poe don't want me to off the pigs.
- Cyrus Grissom: [to Poe] Well, it's not difficult to surmise how Nathan here feels about killing guards. And my own proclivities are, uh... well-known and, uh, often-lamented facts of penal lore. What I'm wonderin' is why you have any opinion about it at all.
- Cameron Poe: Hey, Cyrus. It's your barbecue man, and it tastes good. But I was just explaining to Mr.
- [Points to Diamond Dog]
- Cameron Poe: "Dog" here that if it was my barbecue, I would wait for that ol' jumbo jet in the sky before I start killing my only leverage.
- Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: Shut the fuck up.
- Cameron Poe: Don't you want to get high and get laid, shit.
- Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: [Picks up a guard] Oh, fuck this.
- Cyrus Grissom: [Seeing Diamond Dog about to kill the guard] Put the gun down. Put the gun down, Nathan! Poe's right. We're going to plan B. We're going to get a tractor and a fuel truck, get everybody here, and we're going to dig the plane out.
- [Poe winks at Diamond Dog]
- Cyrus Grissom: [Cyrus is about to burn Cindino alive with a lit cigarette]
- Francisco Cindino: Cy...
- Cyrus Grissom: ...onara!
- Cyrus Grissom: [Poe and Cyrus stopped Johnny from going for Guard Bishop] Do you fly, Johnny?
- Johnny 23: No.
- Cyrus Grissom: You keep that in mind when you look at her. Because if your dick jumps out of your pants, you jump off this plane.
- [last lines]
- Garland's Craps Dealer: New shooter coming out, new shooter. Does the new shooter feel lucky? Well, does he?
- Garland Greene: [before playing craps] Yes, yes he does.
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