Crazy credits

In the middle of the credits: DON'T LEAVE YET

After "NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED DURING THE FILMING...": HOWEVER, SOME SPECIES DID BECOME EXTINCT DURING PRINCIPAL PHOTOGRAPHY: SPECIES / CAUSE OF DEATH Northern Horned Barn Owl (approx. 15) / Soundstage Fire Striped Red Heinied Tapir (last pair) / Grip Truck Wooly Fettered Tree Squirrel (approx. 100) / Crew Lunch

YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: WILL THE OWNER OF A BLUE HONDA ACCORD, LIC.# Z2W435, PLEASE REPORT TO THE PARKING LOT. YOUR LIGHTS ARE ON. THANK YOU.

GEEZ, THESE CREDITS ARE LONG

After Cable Person: Cable Installation ... Between 8 A.M. and 5 P.M.

After Weapons Handler: Concealed Weapons Handler ... Leon Czolgosz (William McKinley's assassin)

Too Much Make-up ... Tammy Faye Bakker (wife of televangelist Jim Bakker , who was known for wearing more make-up than any other celebrity, particularly her multiple sets of heavily-mascaraed false eyelashes)

PEOPLE WHO WERE CUT OUT OF THE MOVIE, BUT IT WASN'T THEIR FAULT Don Corleone ... Marlon Brando

After Grip: Kung-Fu Grip ... G.I. Joe

Non-speaking bit parts are introduced with the heading: PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T HAVE LINES, BUT WE LIKE 'EM

After Music Orchestrated and Conducted by Ira Newborn: Mr. Newborn's Really Sexy Cousin ... Amanda

Chief Sitting ... Bull

After Location Managers: Ozzie's Next Door Neighbor ... "Thorny" Thornberry (a reference to a character on The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet (1952) ) Right Fielder ... "Marvelous" Marv Throneberry

For Further Reading we Suggest: PHIL SHERIDAN AND HIS ARMY by DR. PAUL ANDREW HUTTON, University of Nebraska Press, 1985 OR Visit Your Local Library

After Foley Mixer: Frat Mixer ... This Thursday Night

After Head Make-Up Artist: Head Make-Out Artist ... Joey Buttafuoco

After "Color Timer" credit: Old Timer ... Walter Brennan

Bill Jezzard PLEASE CALL

Smooth Operator ... Senator [Bob] Packwood

After Mr. Zucker's assistant Arie Samama: Arie's Evil Twin ... Rama Lama Samama

After Accounting Assistant: Non-Counting Assistant ... Paul Fees

After Dolly Grip: Hello Dolly Grip

The traditional opening credits show the top of the police car going through a pinball game and down a water slide (among other wacky places) before being crushed by a Jurassic Park (1993)-style dinosaur.

After "Extras Casting" and "Dancers Casting" credits: Fly Casting ... Gil Netter

Kiss and Make-Up ... Burt and Loni (a reference to the marital difficulties of Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson )

After Video Assist: Goal Assist ... Marty McSorley

Credits for Mr. Weiss' Masseuse and Mr. Weiss' Hydrocolon Therapist: MR. RANDY OF BEVERLY HILLS "Randy" is a slang British term for being sexually aroused.

The TV version had a blooper reel during the end credits which was split-screened for the outtakes.

After Lead Person credit was a Followers credit ... Steven Tilau, Gary Fuchs, Patricia Campbell, Dr. V. Ted Leon