Hey, guys! You lookin' for a movie to watch while the women are crying over "The English Patient" in the rec room? Well, here's a rent for your own personal "you" time.
"Beach Babes 2: Cave Girl Island" won't have to worry about being cluttered with Oscars or the Palm D'Or. No one in this movie will have to worry about tuxedo rental for those long, boring "Betterment of Motion Pictures" dinners, nor will this film be mentioned in the same breath with words such as perfection, cerebral, Steven Spielberg or the phrase "cuddle-time".
Seems three extra-terrestrial babes crash their spaceship on a planet where lizards masquerade as dinosaurs, bikini-clad women dance around, hunky guys in loin-cloths drool and paw and some maniacal twerp named James T. Renford II (Rose) officiates over the whole thing. Oh, did I mention the sex scenes?
The girls are certainly worth looking at over and over and OVER AND OVER again...sorry, where was I? Oh yes, especially one in particular named Xena (pre-Lucy Lawless? Hmmm....) who is played by one Sarah Bellomo, whom many of you guys (who will admit it, anyway) will also recognize as Roxanne Blaze, star of a couple of racy XXX flicks. At least she has no issues about nudity, eh? And when the girls growl happily, "we do EVERYTHING together", what more could you want in a film - I ask you, WHAT??!
Otherwise, the FX are as cheesy as it gets, the plot is no more sophisticated than your average high school locker room, the dialogue makes you yearn for the silent film days and if there were ever another actor more silly/annoying than Guy Payne is in here, they must still be studying the Strasberg method at Cambridge.
So, what is this film, other than sex, nudity, titillation and more sex? Nothing.
Get it at once.
Six stars, for obvious reasons. Anyone for "Beach Babes 3"? Anyone?
