Lady Into Lassie

This is the epitome of a movie that was probably written by ten monkeys working with ten typewriters for ten days/years. Rarely have I seen something so pathetic, worthless, and mind-numbing as the garbage that is "Baryshnya-krestyanka". If this was written by the Alexander Pushkin of whom I'm thinking, then this has got to be the most bungled attempt in movie history at translating a novel to the screen; Pushkin must spin in his grave every time that someone watches this.

Oh, I forgot to explain the plot (or lack thereof). It's about a young aristocrat wondering which man she is going to marry. You read that right; it's basically a Jane Austen story transposed to Russia. My only pleasure while watching it was throwing out "MST3K"-style comments. Among these were:

-After someone walks into a room with a new hairdo: "That's right. Give yourself a Yulia Tymoshenko hairdo." (in reference to the woman in Ukraine's government)

-While the girl was getting a bath: "So are we to understand that water sexually arouses her? Boy, she IS retarded!"

-While the girl and a hunter are eating berries: "Hey you meat-heads! Give the dog some berries! If you don't, I'll report you to PETA!"

Another time, I said that Owen Wilson was starring in the movie. This movie is so full of itself that there's nothing to do but throw out mean comments. I will be a better person if I can forget that I ever saw this flotsam. I should admit that I only watched it for a class; we all wrote reviews of it. I dedicated my review to Bob Denver, who had died a few days earlier.