Man of the House (1995)
Jonathan Taylor Thomas: Ben Archer
Photos
Quotes
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Jack Sturgess : Ben, what are you doing here?
Ben Archer : I came back here to help you. What do you think?
Jack Sturgess : I don't need any help.
Ben Archer : [observing the state Jack is in] Oh, really? Then what were you planning to do when those guys found you? Lie there and pretend to be a slug?
Jack Sturgess : Exactly. Now get out of here. You're blowing my cover.
Ben Archer : [struggling to get the tree trunk off Jack's leg] You can't tell me what to do. You're not my father.
Jack Sturgess : [with a groan] I knew you were going to say that eventually.
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Jack Sturgess : [after after sending the troops away so he can face his enemies] That means you too, Ben.
Ben Archer : No way. I'm staying here with you.
Jack Sturgess : You're not staying with me.
Ben Archer : But I can help.
Jack Sturgess : You can be more help by making sure the others get down okay. Now go on. Get out of here. I mean it.
[Ben starts to follow the others]
Jack Sturgess : Ben!
[Ben turns around]
Jack Sturgess : Thanks anyway. I appreciate it.
[Ben nods and walks away]
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Ben Archer : [Ben has to choose an Indian name for Jack] How about... Squatting Dog?
Jack Sturgess : [Jack gives him a surprised look] Squatting Dog? That's the best you could come up with?
Ben Archer : I had a dog once who had a terrible case of the squirts. He was my best friend in the whole world.
Jack Sturgess : Didn't you have any other pets?
Ben Archer : I had a squirrel named Numb Nuts.
Jack Sturgess : [sighs] I think I'll take... Squatting Dog.
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Ben Archer : [as the bad guys are trying to figure out the best way to kill Ben and Jack] If you were really clever, you'd wrap us in wet rawhide, and when it dried it would shrink and squeeze our organs out through our orifices like a tube of toothpaste.
[Jack looks at him with disgust and confusion]
Ben Archer : [innocently] I saw it on America's Most Wanted...