The March Ocean Laboratories biographies (displayed when Gibson hacks into the system) are all the same and read as follows (including all punctuation, spelling, and grammatical errors):
Patrick A. Roberts born so and so and so and so in the town of so and so and so and so............
Owned a repair shop in Toledo Ohio and was convicted of first second and third degree murder when he was just four and a half years old. He likes tall women and is referred to by his fraternity buddies as "SHLONG"; meaning he has an enormous penis. His favorite foods are tacos with wild boar meat and goat cheese from a Chilean cow. All members of his family worship Satan and play with ouiji boards instead of watching Melrose Place on Monday nights. Roberts has a history of thinking he is connected to the Chicago mob, but sources indicate that the only crime he likes to do is pulling tags off mattresses. Roberts is a Taurus and enjoys tossing popsicle sticks behind his mothers TV while watching WWF Saturday Night Slam on TNT. Even though Roberts looks tough in this photo, you can rest assured that he only stands five feet tall and likes collecting butterflies during the warm months. Roberts has a short temper and is known to give wedgies to old ladies that pass by. He is co-founder of "RFPWSLBH" Rights For People Who Still Like Beverly Hills 90210. Robers is currently living with his parents and can sometimes be seen through his bedroom window hanging Tori Spelling photos from Teen Magazine on his walls.
