Joseph Ruskin credited as playing...
Dr. Irwin Burns
- Jo Biddle: Sir, the Still sighting was here, the 2 teenagers disappeared here, Simpsons place is here. And the most recent attack of, uh... was here.
- Nick Hashimoto: Ok. And that's all the attacks that you know about.
- Jo Biddle: Yeah that we know about.
- Nick Hashimoto: Hmm. Well, it's pretty clear that he's marked out his territory.
- Sheriff Ben Lowry: That's a pretty large area, my friend.
- Nick Hashimoto: He's a pretty large snake. Dr. Burns, how did you manage to cross an African King Cobra with an Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake?
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Gene-splicing.
- Nick Hashimoto: Gene-splicing. Interesting. Why would anyone want to combine two of the most deadly species of poisonous snakes?
- Dr. Irwin Burns: We wanted the most aggressive animals possible for testing.
- Nick Hashimoto: Fascinating.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Foolish.
- Mayor Ed Biddle: So how do we get rid of it?
- Nick Hashimoto: Well, first we have to find it, of course. I want to make sure that we all know and respect exactly what we're dealing with here.
- Deputy Bud Fuller: Respect?
- Nick Hashimoto: Yeah. Um, you see, in order to overcome a deadly opponent, you have to learn to think like it.
- Deputy Bud Fuller: I hate snakes.
- Nick Hashimoto: All right. Consider deputy Fuller, snakes kill in one year more people than sharks kill in a 100 years, hmm? They are responsible for more deaths then all the other dangerous animals in the world combined. Now that is a power you have to learn to respect just a little bit. Let's consider 'Ophiophagus Hannah' oh, the African King Cobra. Its venom, a tablespoon, even dried, can kill 165 people or 165,000 mice. Oh, and then there is 'Viboras De Cascabeles' spanish for Rattlesnake. Rattlesnake can strike at 10 ft. per second. It has the most highly developed fangs of all the venomous snakes. Now, my whole point is as if nature wasn't good enough, and thanks to science, we now have here a specimen with all these beautiful traits. Ha ha.
- Nick Hashimoto: Hey, hey. Snakes pick up on vibrations in the ground. Ok? So we want to make as little noise as possible. But here's the game plan. We're gonna pound stakes into the ground, that's the reason for the rubber mallet. We're going to attach the razor wire to each stake very tightly with this wire and that's the reason for the cutters and the gloves. So remember, work as quietly as you can, look out for anything that may be moving and, um, expect the unexpected.
- Dr. Brad Kagen: [notices a grappling wire harness] is that all you got?
- Nick Hashimoto: Yeah. Why? What?
- Dr. Brad Kagen: Don't you have some kind of modern technology to fight this thing?
- Nick Hashimoto: These are the tools of my trade, Brad. I've been at this for over 25 years.
- Jo Biddle: But this is no ordinary snake.
- Nick Hashimoto: Well, the methodology for catching a snake doesn't change. Besides, I've made some modifications.
- Dr. Brad Kagen: Why don't we just shoot the damn thing?
- Nick Hashimoto: Sure, let's shoot him, be my guest
- [holds shotgun over to Brad]
- Nick Hashimoto: Go on shoot 'em. He's that tree over there. Shoot
- Dr. Brad Kagen: [takes shotgun] Fine, you want me to shoot him? I'll shoot that tree.
- Nick Hashimoto: If you want to kill him instead of just pissing him off you're gonna have to hit him in the head. That's that rock about 6 inches off the ground. No, that's not him. There he is over there, he's that tree. Oh, he's going through the leaves, through the leaves, there he is at 10 O'Clock. Go ahead shoot him, man.
- Dr. Brad Kagen: Ok, ok. I got the idea.
- Nick Hashimoto: You better got it. Because if you don't you're dead. Now you're calm right now. But you see this guy eyeball-to-eyeball, your adrenaline is going to kick in, you will not be calm. There's probably two people amongst us here, ok, maybe one, that maybe-- maybe could get off a shot, if we get lucky and if we get a chance. Believe me, guys... The gun is not the way to go. At best, it's only a backup.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: You're gonna go up there now?
- Nick Hashimoto: Yeah, thought I'd take a look, check some things out.
- Dr. Brad Kagen: I'll come with you.
- Nick Hashimoto: No, you stay here.
- Dr. Brad Kagen: What happened to never being alone in case of a bite? You know I am qualified for that
- Nick Hashimoto: Ah, I almost forgot, doctor. Can you ride a bike?
- Dr. Brad Kagen: Yeah, I think so.
- Nick Hashimoto: There's an extra one in there.
- Jo Biddle: Why the bikes?
- Nick Hashimoto: Less vibrations. Gets you closer to the action. Besides, I ain't a very good runner. I'm Japanese. Japanese were not built to run, we were built to last.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: How is this supposed to work again?
- Nick Hashimoto: The vibrations from the thumper box will attract Seth to the area.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Hopefully.
- Nick Hashimoto: Oh, he'll come. I designed that box myself. It always works. And when he sees the gourmet meal that we have catered for him, lunch time begins. And then while he's digesting and becomes a little sluggish, the show begins. I'll wrangle him into the tube. You guys will seal the tube, after he's cleared of course, and you lock him in. I'll turn on the gas and our overgrown elapid will go night night forever.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Are you certain there's enough gas in there to kill it?
- Nick Hashimoto: Absolutely.
- Jo Biddle: Well, what if you can't get him into the tube?
- Nick Hashimoto: Jo, you guys hired me for a job. Now you're all gonna to have to trust me.
- [Sees that Dr. Burns has a shotgun]
- Nick Hashimoto: Dr. Burns, come on, you're not gonna need that.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Let's hope not.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: [Nick prevented Dr Burns from killing Seth with a shotgun] What the hell is the matter with you? I had the shot.
- Nick Hashimoto: Shut up, that was not the plan.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Never mind the plan. It'd be dead by now.
- Nick Hashimoto: Bullshit. You'd have missed.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Not if you hadn't interferred.
- Nick Hashimoto: You screwed everything up!
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Your plan wasn't working!
- Jo Biddle: [shoots gun in the gun] No time for this.
- Dr. Brad Kagen: Let's just figure out what to do.
- Nick Hashimoto: Theres nothing to figure out. We gotta find him and get him into the goddamn tube before he kills us all first.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Look, I had the shot.
- Dr. Brad Kagen: Why didn't you just stick to the plan?
- Dr. Irwin Burns: The plan, as far as I'm concerned, is to kill it no matter how. I had the shot and he knows it.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: If I can confirm the presence of these chemicals, then we'll know for sure if it was Seth.
- Dr. Brad Kagen: Venom enter through a bite on the lower left calf. We also found traces of venom in his eyes, probably causing blindness prior to death.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: I was surprised that he was able to make it to the house.
- Dr. Brad Kagen: There's also two puncture marks indicating a bite behind the right ear, just under the hairline, which I had initially missed.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Well, that would account for the hemorrhaging.
- Dr. Brad Kagen: [referring to his eyepatch] So, uh, what caused the accident?
- Dr. Irwin Burns: My lack of people skills.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: We need a herpetologist. I know someone.
- Dr. Brad Kagen: You sure it's him.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: There's no doubt. The sloughed skin and chemical compounds confirm it. Oh. Now that we know what we're dealing with, I think we should call city hospital back and get the proper antivenin. Polyvalent may be insufficient. We've got to find Seth and destroy him before he kills again.
- Kathryn Burns: Journal entry number 11345-1. 3:20 p.m., thursday, June 6th. The concentration of serotonin has been increased by 2 milligrams and dissolved in a 0.8 saline solution.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Mm-hmm. 0.5.
- Kathryn Burns: Correction, a 0.5 saline.
- Dr. Toshi Ling: Yesterday's slight increase didn't make any difference in tissue absorption.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Mmm.
- Kathryn Burns: We are optimistic that the serotonin increase will be sufficient to produce an intensified level of aggression without causing harmful side effects.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Where's McConnell?
- [McConnell is shown injecting himself in the bathroom]
- Kathryn Burns: If this new solution proves effective in the animals, we will begin human testing immediately.
- [McConnell enters the lab]
- Dr. Joseph McConnell: Hey, the gangs all here.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: All right, final phase.
- Kathryn Burns: We hope to be able to show that aggressive behavior is triggered by fluctuations in brain chemistry as well as by fluctuations in neurotransmitters such as serotonin.
- [McConnell slaps on a glove]
- Dr. Joseph McConnell: Ooh! Spank me harder, baby. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Ethanol Oestradiol and L.H.R.H., maintain that -15° celsius.
- Kathryn Burns: If we can prove Dr. Burns' theory, then we believe by manipulating the level of mao-a enzyme which breaks down neurotransmitters, we should be able to control aggressive and hyperactive behavior.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: One milligram of ethanol oestradiol to increase plasma testosterone.
- [Computer is heard beeping]
- Computer voice: E-mail for Dr. Irwin Burns. Urgent.
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Now what?
- [He leaves to go check his email and McConnell locks the door once he leaves then he and Toshi start mixing chemicals together]
- Kathryn Burns: What's going on?
- Dr. Joseph McConnell: All right. Increase the serotonin by 25 milligrams and add 20 milligrams of the amantadine.
- Kathryn Burns: Hello, what are you guys doing? Dr. Burns has carefully measured that.
- Dr. Joseph McConnell: Exactly. Carefully, carefully, carefully. Breakthroughs aren't made carefully and conservatively, daddy's little girl. Science is about taking risks and pushing boundaries.
- Kathryn Burns: But we've been making such progress.
- Dr. Joseph McConnell: Okay, 15 more milligrams of ethanol oestradiol. You think so? I've made more progress in one day of my own testing than your father has made in 3 goddamn years, not that he'd know it, of course, because he never listens to me.
- Kathryn Burns: What are you talking about? He highly values your input and expertise.
- Dr. Joseph McConnell: Bullshit! He trusts us so much that he keeps everything under lock and key. He's so secretive, he's gotta do it all himself cause he's a paranoid old wimpy geek. And you know what? It's time we made some goddamn progress around here.
- Kathryn Burns: Toshi, how can you betray him?
- Dr. Joseph McConnell: She's just as sick of your father as I am.
- Kathryn Burns: But he is in charge of this.
- Dr. Joseph McConnell: Not anymore, and there's nothing he can do about it now.
- Dr. Toshi Ling: Now, 16 milligram of rubidium, 10 milligrams of ethyl alcohol.
- [Kathryn tries to open the door]
- Dr. Joseph McConnell: Don't bother. I already changed the key code.
- Kathryn Burns: Open this door. I demand that you open this door.
- [She starts tapping on the door]
- Kathryn Burns: irwin. Irwin.
- [the chemicals start reacting]
- Dr. Joseph McConnell: Oh, shit, it's reacting!
- Kathryn Burns: Dad!
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Kathryn?
- Dr. Toshi Ling: That shouldn't be happening. We checked the calculations three times.
- Dr. Joseph McConnell: Oh, shit!
- Kathryn Burns: Dad!
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Kathryn.
- [the lab explodes and knocks him backwards he goes inside the lab which is burning]
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Kathryn! Oh, God, ohh, Kathryn, jeez.
- [He grabs a fire extinguisher]
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Kathryn, Kathryn. Ah, God, aah.
- [He starts trying to put out the fire and discovers McConnell and Toshi dead bodies]
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Oh, God. Kathryn.
- [a dazed Kathryn notices a sign on the floor that reads, 'king cobra x Eastern diamondback rattlesnake 'Seth' she looks behind and notices the hybrid cobra looming over her it lunges at her and she screams]
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Kathryn! Aaagh.
- [He discovers his daughter's dead body]
- Dr. Irwin Burns: Kathryn, Kathryn, Kathryn! Come on, up.
- [He carries her out of the burning lab]