Janet Jackson credited as playing...
Denise
- [Sherman and Denis are at a screening of the movie "Cape Fear" and someone in front of them is loudly heckling the movie and smoking a cigar... ala "Cape Fear"]
- Denise: What's his problem?
- Sherman Klump: I don't know, but enough is enough. Excuse me, sir. Young man, will you please keep it down just a little bit 'cause we're trying to watch...
- [the figure stands up and turns around, revealing himself to be Buddy Love]
- Buddy Love: Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the theaters!
- [Sherman is terrified]
- Buddy Love: Hello, fat-ass!
- [laughs maniacally]
- Sherman Klump: [taking Denise by the hand and leading her out of the theater] Maybe we should get going. I don't feel too good all of a sudden. Let's go. Come on, let's go somewhere else.
- Denise: Sherman, who was that?
- Sherman Klump: [exiting into the lobby] I don't know. I didn't really get a good look at him.
- [Buddy has already beat them to the lobby]
- Buddy Love: Sherman! Sherman Klump. You've still been hitting those Happy Meals? You haven't changed an *inch*! You remember me? Buddy Love. We used to chase that girl, Carla, at the same time. You ever hit that?
- Sherman Klump: [flustered] Miss Purty and I were just friends.
- Buddy Love: "Just friends". I guess that means you didn't hit it, huh?
- [turns to Denise with interest]
- Buddy Love: Who's your new friend? She sure is fine. Yes, fine. What's your name?
- Denise: [disturbed] Sherman, suddenly I don't feel so well. Can we leave, please?
- Sherman Klump: Yes, let's go, please.
- Buddy Love: Can I talk to Sherman for one second? Then you can have him. One second, please. Excuse us.
- [drags Sherman to the side]
- Buddy Love: Sherman, how you doing, baby?
- Sherman Klump: What do you want here?
- Buddy Love: A little respect.
- [hugs Sherman]
- Buddy Love: You left me all by myself in that test tube without a card or a letter, and now I want a divorce. And this is a community property state, so I want my share.
- Sherman Klump: Want your share of what?
- [Buddy stops and thinks for a minute and claps his hands in realization, as if the idea has just come to him]
- Buddy Love: The youth formula we invented!
- Sherman Klump: You mean, the youth formula that *I* invented. Oh, no way, Buddy, no way.
- Buddy Love: [turning aggressive] Who you growling at, fat boy?
- Sherman Klump: I haven't growled.
- Buddy Love: You growling at me?
- Sherman Klump: I have not growled.
- Buddy Love: I was hoping we could do this like gentlemen.
- Denise: [coming by to take Sherman by the hand] Come on, Sherman.
- Buddy Love: You gonna make me do something nasty to you, Sherman. I'll do something nasty.
- [loudly mocking]
- Buddy Love: Sherman! See you soon, Sherman! Sherman! Sherman!
- Denise: [nearly faints]
- Buddy Love: [catches Denise and picks her up] No, don't hurt yourself, baby. You are coming with Buddy.
- Sherman: [laying on the ground] No! No!
- Buddy Love: See you later, Chunky Butt!
- [Cackles]
- Sherman: No!
- [Sherman is serenading Denise with the assistance of a crap Mexican band]
- Sherman: Denise will you...
- Buddy: Hey Sherman. You hear me Sherman?
- Sherman: ...Denise will ya? Will ya? Let me come up there and put my beef in your taco?
- Mexican band: [singing] Put his beef in your taco!
- Denise: What?
- Sherman: [Buddy cackles, Sherman's conscious comes back] Oh, no! No, no, no...
- [chuckles]
- Sherman: That's not what I meant to say, Denise! That was just a little joke! I just wanted to see if you wanted to go out and get some Mexican food. That's why I said that.
- Denise: Well I am kind of hungry, but I'm not-...
- Sherman: Yeah, you are huh? Yeah, I bet you could stand for a big ol' whopper right now, huh?
- Mexican band: [singing] A big ole whopper right now!
- Denise's Nosy Neighbor: You're sick!
- Sherman: Yeah, I got to tell you, I'm a Jumbo Jack man myself, if you know what I mean. Yeah and I'm loaded with secret sauce! Yeah, come on!
- [Sherman does a perverted dance in front of a shocked Denise, and falls to the ground, sexually humping it]
- Sherman: Bang that thing up! Yeah, come on! Come on! Make it funky!
- Denise's Nosy Neighbor: You're gonna ruin my lawn, you pervert!
- Mama Klump: [Answering door] Oh my, goodness! Is there a fire?
- Fireman Stripper: Yes ma'am. I'm afraid there is.
- Mama Klump: I don't smell no smoke.
- [sniffs]
- Fireman Stripper: [Walks in and beings playing music from stereo] There's a fire in my pants, and it's getting muy caliente!
- [begins stripping]
- Party Guest, Party Guest, Bridesmaid, Denise: Ooh!
- [laugh and clap]
- Mama Klump: Ooh! Lord, have mercy! A strip - Oh, my! My mother must've arranged this!
- Denise: Sherman you're very special to me.
- Sherman Klump: [laughs, embarrassed and flattered] I didn't think you and I would ever, you know... How can I put it? 'Cos I'm...
- Denise: Big.
- Sherman Klump: Yeah, I was gonna say 'fat,' but 'big' is better.
- Denise: Sherman, that doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that you're kind and decent. You are the most brilliant man I've ever known. And speaking of which, I shouldn't keep you from your research, so I'll catch up with you later?
- Sherman Klump: Okay, I'll see you soon.
- [she leaves]
- Sherman Klump: [to himself] My goodness.
- Sherman Klump: [to Denise] I just want to say I'm sorry. I never... never wanted to hurt you. Understand? I thought that if you knew Buddy was a part of me, I thought that you wouldn't have me then.
- Denise: Sherman...
- Sherman Klump: Hear me out... I should've had more faith in you. Should've had more faith in myself. But I...
- Denise: Sherman? Sherman, what's wrong? Sherman!
- Papa Klump: C'mon, can't you hear, son?
- Denise: [persistent] Sherman, look at me! Who am I?
- Sherman Klump: [without memory] Pretty lady!
- Denise: [sobbing] Oh, honey!
- [hugs Sherman]
- Denise: It's going to be okay, I'll take care of you.
- Sherman Klump: [gleefully, at same time] Oh, that's nice! Nice.
- Papa Klump: Come on, let's get the boy home.
- Sherman Klump: Nice lady!
- Ernie Klump: [reaches for Denise's food across the buffet table]
- Denise: [slaps Ernie's hand] You reach over here again, you gonna pull back a nub.