Bottom Live (1993 Video)

Rik Mayall: Richard Richard

Photos 

Quotes 

• Edward Hitler : Right, so your philosophy is... bollocks?

  Richard Richard : Yes!

  Edward Hitler : Well that's a great view on life isn't it?

  Richard Richard : Oh who cares about views on life, I thought we were talking philosophy?

  Edward Hitler : But your philosophy is bollocks

  Richard Richard : So let's talk bollocks!

  Edward Hitler : BUT THAT'S ALL WE EVER DO!

  Richard Richard : So let's do what we always do!

  Edward Hitler : Oh god, and so it goes on, day after day, year in year out, slime in this ear, slime in that ear, don't you ever yearn for change?

  [huge applause from the audience] 

  Edward Hitler : Alan Rickman eat your heart out!

  [to Richie] 

  Edward Hitler : And cue

  Richard Richard : [Looks at the audience who seems to have taken Eddie's side]  Right. Wanna give me the feedline again in front of all your friends?

  Edward Hitler : [Laughs to himself]  Yea, sorry. I... I forgot to mention I was actually born in Southampton! It's my only home!

  [another huge applause] 

  Richard Richard : Oh Eddie Eddie Eddie you were born in Southampton? Wow! Why did you ever leave?

  Edward Hitler : That was a bit below the belt

  [thinks of a comeback] 

  Edward Hitler : Because... I found the railway station!

  [another HUGE applause] 

  Richard Richard : [to the audience]  Stop fucking clapping!

  [imitates them] 

  Richard Richard : Bastards!

  [to someone in the audience] 

  Richard Richard : Especially you! You oughtta fucking jump!

  Edward Hitler : That's no way to speak to my mother

  [to the audeince] 

  Edward Hitler : Sorry mum

• Richard Richard : Eddie, did you get the Sundays?

  Edward Hitler : Phwoar! You know I think I did! I dropped a floater this morning, it looked like it come straight from a Canadian logging camp! I tell ya, when that gets out into the channel it's going to be a danger to shipping!

  Richard Richard : [Disgusted]  Nice to know, Eddie and jolly interesting information, but, what I really meant was did you get the Sunday papers?

  Edward Hitler : No.

  Richard Richard : Oh, never mind, I'll go scrap them off the mat.

  [holds up his half of Special K] 

  Richard Richard : And don't touch my brick while I'm gone.

  [Eddie reacts] 

  Richard Richard : I said "Brick"! Not penis!

• Richard Richard : Eddie I have decided to kill myself because I'm so heavily in debt!

  Edward Hitler : Fucking Hell! A line from the play!

  [Punches Rik playfully on the arm, Rik slides off his chair and sits in the floor, dejectedly] 

  Richard Richard : [to audience]  Just shut up and watch the play, alright?

  [to Eddie] 

  Richard Richard : YOU leave me alone or we're never going to get out of South-Fucking-Hampton!

• Richard Richard : Good morning world. You Bastard!

• Edward Hitler : Richie, no! I told you to never sniff the milk, you crazy, mad fool!

  [slaps Richie at each cheek repeatedly until he comes conscious] 

  Edward Hitler : Oh good!

  [to audience] 

  Edward Hitler : He's coming round!

  [punches Richie repeatedly] 

  Richard Richard : Where am I?

  Edward Hitler : It's alright, you're safe at home with me!

  Richard Richard : Oh, fuck, give me the milk!

  Edward Hitler : No! It's too dangerous!

  [snatches milk bottle from Richie's hands] 

  Edward Hitler : JUST SAY NO!

  Richard Richard : But I love being unconscious!

  Edward Hitler : Very well.

  [punches Richie] 

• Edward Hitler : Come on, admit it, me old mucker! You've gone and accidentally Superglued a Sex Doll to your privates, haven't you?

  Richard Richard : Prove it!

  Edward Hitler : Ta-da!

• Richard Richard : [after an incident involving a blow-up doll named Monica and some superglue, Richard has, apparently, lost his penis]  Ah, Monica. You were the first, and you'll be the last. You took my cherry... right off!

• Richard Richard : Eddie, have you got the pump?

  Edward Hitler : It's just the way I'm standing.

  Richard Richard : No, it's not a euphemism. God, on and on it goes. It's no double entendre, it's just a straight question. Have you got the pump?

  Edward Hitler : [Thinks carefully]  No. The only pump we've got is that big electric one, that Gusty O'Windflap had installed, when he was rehearsing his adult variety act. The Human Balloon.

  Richard Richard : Gusty O'Windflap. Whatever happened to him?

  Edward Hitler : He was spread over four counties, remember? When the nozzle got accidentally lodge in his rectum.

  Richard Richard : So he was, so he was! What dreadfully sad thing to happen to anyone. How we laughed! He was a one off.

  Edward Hitler : I've heard of being blown off but that took some beating! They had to close the high street!

  Richard Richard : You remember? Gusty, Gusty, Gusty, Gusty.

  [Happy sigh] 

  Richard Richard : Oh who gives a fuck about him, the cunt's dead anyway.