(Some Spoilers) Not to be taken seriously for a moment "Black Sea 213" is so nutty that you have to like it even though it insults you sense of reality as well as intelligence.
This arrogant and stuffed-up fashion photographer Gabe, Anthony Addabbo, gets the use of a Russian freighter to do his next big fashion shoot in the middle of the Black Sea. What he doesn't know is he and his troop of beautiful fashion models are being used as a cover for the ship's Captain Killick, Brion James, to smuggle high-tech weapons and a one billion dollar missile guidance system, the size of a briefcase, to an unknown world power. This is to take place off the port city of Yalta by loading the weapons on a submarine.
The big mover in this deal is Dean, Timothy Bottoms, who was a fellow marine buddy of Gabe and now a big time arms smuggler who together with local Yalta gangster Pasha Lakovitz, Rubi Zack, set up the whole deal. Captain Killick who's being used to both Dean and Pasha's advantage and is to be knocked off after the deal with weapons is culminated has his own ideas to how things are to be done. Killick does in both Dean and Pasha leaving him as the only one to collect the big pay-off.
Gabe who was thrown overboard and later gets back on deck together with his girlfriend model Ursula( Jacki Lovell), who was also thrown overboard with him, starts a mutiny which has most of the girls gunned down. Captain Killick fleeing with his reluctant squeeze Isla(Irina Zatolokina) on a motorized life boat with the billion dollar missile system, packed in crate #213, on board expects to be picked up by the sub and get just what's coming to him. Killick has the freighter bobby-trapped to be blown to bits by a bomb he planted in it's Hull, where all the weapons and explosives are being kept, but unknown to Killick someone switched the bomb and he's the one to get blasted not those on the freighter.
Everyone in the cast seemed to be either on downers or suffering from a severe case of sleep deprivation as they have trouble staying awake during the movie. Timothy Bottoms was so out of it that even when he was taking a shower with one of the gorgeous and busty models he seemed totally unconscious and unaware of the enviable, to those of us watching, position that he was in not even giving her a second look.
Both Gabe and Ursula were totally unconvincing and came across as if they were forced to be in the film and wanted to get out of it even if it killed them, or they were killed off by the director, to do it.
Only Brion James as Captain Killick seemed to have a good time being in "Black Sea 213" and was about the only person who kept you, as well as the cast, from conking out and sleeping through the movie.
