Quotes

A Fish Tale

Fly: [chasing Joe in the water pipes as he escapes with the antidote] Wait! Wait, come-come back, you-you stupid fish!
Joe: [coldly] I'm sufficiently intelligent enough to kill you... if you don't stop bothering me.
Fly: So what? Any brute could do that. But can you tell me what the square root of... 6,561 is?
Joe: [stammers] Uh, 300 divided by 40, minus 3 is... .
[he turns to drink more of the antidote and develops a swollen head]
Joe: Ah! 81!
Fly: Yeah! But do you know what happens if an object travels at the speed of light?
Joe: [drinks more of the antidote and sprouts spines, legs and arms, and tears his pelvic fins off] Ah! It turns into pure energy!
Fly: What came first, the-the chicken or the egg?
Joe: [drinks more of the antidote and grows in size, grows hair and longer limbs, now resembling a fish-human] It depends on the relative amount of molecules in the universe!
Fly: What happens to a fish if he drinks too much antidote?
Joe: It... becomes...
[wheezes for breath]
Joe: HUMAN!
Fly: [coyly] Can a human breathe underwater?
Joe: OF COURSE NOT!
[he realizes he can no longer breathe underwater and drowns, sucked away by the pipe's current]

Joe: Once, there was only silence, and not a speck of hope in sight. And every tiny bubble burst on its journey towards the light. But the spark of creation will flicker again, it's a brand new era... about to begin.

Fly: [trying to take back the potion from Joe] I'm convinced your words are true.
Joe: Who's this?
Fly: Please let me follow you.
Joe: What a nice young fish.
Fly: I'll hold the bottle, too.
Joe: Oh no, that won't be necessary.
Fly: I insist, just let me hold it.
Joe: [crossly] The bottle stays with me.
Fly: Just let me have a little sip.
Chuck: No Fly, no! We're at the bottom of the sea, you'll drown!
Joe: Hmm... arrest them!

Fly: [Fly and his friends are trapped in a cage with a crab guarding them] Hey, you! Crab!
The Crab: It's against military regulations for a guard to converse with prisoners!
Fly: You are one poor excuse for a soldier, buddy. Pretty wimpy.
The Crab: Whaddaya mean wimpy?
Fly: A soldier is disciplined, brave, and above all, strong.
The Crab: What?
Fly: [standing in front of cage bar] Well, for starters, I bet your pathetic claw can't even put a dent in this iron bar.
The Crab: Oh yeah? Check this out! Watching?
Fly: Yeah.
The Crab: Ready?
Fly: Yeah, yeah!
The Crab: [gets ready to cut cage, but hesitates] Nah, too easy.
Fly: [points to another bar] Wait, wait, what about this one?
The Crab: Trivial!
Fly: No no, this is the perfect test for your strength. We're talking one hundred percent titanium here.
[the crab decides to snap the key instead]
Fly: No, not-not the key!

Joe: [to the crab and Shark] Useless! The pair of you! You're not fit for sushi! I sentence you to execution!
The Shark: Uhh... what's that?
Joe: Shark! Chew up that useless crab and eat yourself when you've finished!
The Shark: [about to eat the crab] Yeh... uh... well...
[turns angrily to Joe]
Joe: [realizing his mistake] Uh... I mean, um, no no, uh, that won't do, ah, my mistake. Nobody has to execute themselves in a civilized society.
[spotting another fish]
Joe: You!
Seabass: Ah, who? Me?
Joe: Yes, you! Because of your long and loyal service to me, I hereby appoint you chief executioner.
Seabass: Ah! Ohh, thank you, sir. Ah, thank you, sir! Thank you, thank you, thank y -
[Shark devours him]
Joe: Uh, on the other fin, we could just call it water under the bridge. A great leader is distinguished by his ability to forgive. Shark, I hereby appoint you offensive commander!
The Shark: [calls the other fish to order] Atten-tion! Go and get those three infuriating fish and bring them to me *now*!

Bus Driver: [driving a larger fish as a bus and addressing another fish] That will be two clams and five stones, madam.
Fly: [gathers a few clams and gives them to the driver] Here: keep the change.
Bus Driver: [clears his throat] Just a second! These are not valid.
Fly: Not valid?
Bus Driver: You'll have to get off.
Fly: W-what? Chuck, give me your glasses.
[to driver, handing him the lenses of the glasses]
Fly: Here, then; have these Transatlantic, Transpacific, worldwide, oceanic-approved deluxe coins.
Bus Driver: Very well, then. Here are the tickets.
Fly: Hold on. Uh, these two
[gesturing to Stella and Sasha]
Fly: are less than six years of age. They ride for free.
Bus Driver: Oh. Yes. Of course,
[hands Fly back one lens]
Bus Driver: here's a refund.
Fly: [gesturing to Chuck] And this poor fellow is half-blind.
Bus Driver: Well...
Fly: It's not fair that he should pay full price.
Bus Driver: I-I-I-I suppose that's...
Fly: And while we're at it, could we sell back the tickets we don't need?
Bus Driver: Uh, well, um...
[Fly gives back the unneeded tickets]
Bus Driver: Next time, have exact change!
Chuck: [to Fly] And what would have happened if it *didn't* work, genius?

The Shark: [after swimming through the potion, the two transform and gain the ability to speak] What happened?
[realizing he can talk]
The Shark: Whoa! What's that sound?
Joe: [stammering before realizing he can also talk] Mmm. I believe we have acquired the power of speech, my voracious friend.
The Shark: Uh...
Joe: [slurping up potion] I can talk. I can think.
[bottling potion]
Joe: Mmm, what a delicious beverage. Can you feel the power? Can you... taste it?
The Shark: Taste it?
[spotting a fish, which he eats]
The Shark: Ah! Food!
[belching in Joe's face]
The Shark: Oi! Clean my teeth! There's stuff in the cracks.
Joe: Henceforth, oral hygiene is no longer my department.
The Shark: What?
Joe: [flatly] I don't clean anymore. Try dental floss. From now on, I call the shots. Where there's brain power, I can have fame, fortune, servants.

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Top Gap

By what name was A Fish Tale (2000) officially released in India in English?