- [first lines]
- Announcer: The Pink Network is on the air. From station KSEX, it's TV as you've never seen it before. Tonight, starring Penthouse Pet Christy Canyon, Ron Jeremy, John Holmes, Harry Reems as Scorpio, and featuring Tamara Longley and Dallas Miko, Mark Wallice, and introducing Ali Moore. W.P.I.N.K., It's Red Hot!!
- [last lines]
- Chief: Scorpio, you dipshit!
- Phil: You may want to cry your eyes out on any one of our three soap operas: "Secret Sperm", "Lays of Our Lives", or "Ball My Children", please.