I typically do not go this route when first introducing this film from a critiquing standpoint, but Monsoon was painful. This movie was not just painful to the eyes (as most film tend to be), but also painful to the ears, head, shoulders, knees, and especially the toes. This film was on par with a night of heavy drinking. I remember awakening from the slumber that this film induced and wondering if my body had decided to leave and head to the local watering hole for excitement. I apologize to the word painful for associating such a film with such a word, but Monsoon was excruciating. Beginning with the sleazy, nearly home-movie-ish opening to the cliché moments that plagued the entire plot and story of this film to the pathetic excuse for an ending, Monsoon did nothing but bring a black cloud upon the excitement that surrounds "Kama Sutra". I am surprised that those behind the business of "Kama Sutra" haven't brought lawsuits against this slanderous film. I suppose that one could say that I am being harsh, but I have trouble understanding how films, without any artistic moments, any detailed development, or any feasible acting can be a clean mark on the Hollywood community. This was one of those films that demonstrated to the world that if you have a camera and women are willing to expose themselves, than you
yes you
could have a potential film on your hands. Pathetic isn't it?
Again, I must apologize, but I do not remember much of how this film ended. I think that will stop me from needing to warn you about "spoilers", but that also tells me about the poor quality of everything leading up to this anti-climactic ending. I would like to begin my ranting with the opening of this film. Flashbacks are a huge element to defining the moment and sub-plots of a film, but when it decides to take history into its own hands and slap a simple mustache on our supposed heroine to show ethnicity, you immediately feel your stomach begin to curdle and all hope for decency soar out the window. That is how I felt at the beginning of Monsoon. From the third-grade CGI to the daytime television acting, I could only hope that this film would grow better over time. Yet another shining example of how time ruined my hopes and dreams.
As Monsoon developed (if that is what you would like to call it), the characters fell deeper within their cliché sinkholes and random intangible events seemed to take the place of a structured story. I do not believe that anyone that focused an evening on this film could accurately tell me the story surrounding this film. That is not a good sign. I honestly believe that it is due in great part to the acting that this film could never quite catch its moment of glory. Take for example the illustrious villain of this film, a man simply named Brian (doesn't that send shivers up your spine?) who seemed to sound more congested than sinister. I couldn't tell if someone else was doing his voice from behind the screen to give a stronger demeanor about the character, but whatever was happening was wrong. This man wasn't evil on a stick, but instead a sweet little lollypop with hair all over it. Yuck! Then we have our heroine. Kenneth. Could anyone have a decent name in this film? His entire story is so diluted that I was surprised not to see water trickling from his pockets. No emotion surrounds this character, no reasoning behind his actions, and foremost, any reality behind his words. I never once believed that Kenneth was nothing more than Richard Tyson playing a character whom could not act. Actually, as you look amongst all of our players in this film, there was not one that decently gave us an attempt to act. It felt as if they all were possibly using this film to pay their credit cards and to gain notoriety in an apparent "D" film market. It was as if I was watching an Acting 101 video on "How not to act in Cinema". It was that horrid.
I have nearly destroyed this film, but that does not make me happy. I have every intention of falling in love with every film that enters into my player, but when it doesn't even bother picking itself out of the muck like Monsoon, why should I bother enjoying. It is when I watch films like this that I miss Mystery Science Theater 3000 the most. Their ability to find the most wretched of films and point out its flaws to the world was priceless. Mystery Science Theater 3000 was created for films of this nature. If I was handed Monsoon as a film project and was asked to grade the power in front of the camera for director Jag Mundhra, here is how it would look:
Acting: F
Plot: F
Creativity: F
Interesting Use of Lighthouse: C
Reason for being in Hollywood: E (oh, it was that bad)
As I deeply cleaned the burning sensation from my eyes, I dreamed of a life without Monsoon, and my face broke into a very enthusiastic smile!
Grade: * out of *****
