The Specials (2000)

Judy Greer: Deadly Girl

Quotes 

• Minute Man : [signing an autograph]  I'm thinking of changing my name.

  Deadly Girl : Change it to what?

  [hisses at the autograph hound, scaring her away] 

  Minute Man : To... 'Small'

  Deadly Girl : Small-Man?

  Minute Man : No, just 'Small'

  Deadly Girl : Well that's pretty stupid.

  Minute Man : It's better than Mr. Smart.

  Deadly Girl : It's better than Captain Cuntface too.

  Minute Man : Whatever.

• Sunlight Grrrll : We saw the news. You and the Losers called it a day?

  Deadly Girl : We?

  Sunlight Grrrll : The Femme Five. I'm here to ask you to join.

  Deadly Girl : Well then you'd be the Femme Six.

  Sunlight Grrrll : There are already eight of us. Traditional counting is an oppressive patriarchal tool.

  Deadly Girl : [smiles]  I'll think about it. But in the meantime, get off my fucking lawn, whore.

• Deadly Girl : Ted might have been right about some things. Like drinking; last week I got drunk at a bar mitzvah, unthinkingly summoned forth demons and... they ate a kid.

• Deadly Girl : I used to think I didn't need a family. I mean, I had the demons and the walking skeletons. But the difference between a walking skeleton and a kid is, a kid won't eat the soft parts of your face while you're sleeping.

• Minute Man : What's it like, summoning demons?

  Deadly Girl : They do your will, and that makes you feel good about yourself.

• The Strobe : When I first gained my superpowers...

  Amok : Oh, Jesus! Nobody wants to hear your boring fucking origin story! Let's take a vote.

  The Strobe : Let me ask you something, my friend.

  Amok : You're not my fucking friend! Maybe every once in a while I want to go out and have a beer and bang some slut rag 'til her eyes bleed. And maybe I don't give a shit if it gets in the L.A. Daily Post! I save lives. I don't think I owe anybody anything other than that.

  Deadly Girl : You've also tried to take lives.

  Amok : Oh, you know what? That was a long time ago, okay? I was a kid. I got caught up with the wrong bunch of people.

  The Strobe : You got caught up with the wrong bunch of people, mister. And now you're getting caught up in some pretty sick ideas.

  Amok : Forget it! Forget I said a thing.

  Power Chick : Nobody's saying that, Amok. I like you. It's just... sometimes I think you must be hurting so much inside because you're so... aggressive.

  Amok : You're 12-stepping me to death here, bitch.

• Deadly Girl : Listen, here's a riddle: what's Ms. Indestructible's superpower? Guess!

  Minute Man : She has indestructible skin that can withstand an atomic blast.

  Deadly Girl : Wrong. She's a total bitch.

  Minute Man : That's my sister-in-law.

  Deadly Girl : Next time your brother wife-beats her, tell him to hit her in the eye. Her eyes are normal.

• Nightbird : You are one of my great heroes.

  Deadly Girl : Bitchin', my own stalker.

• The Strobe : Don't think that your Weevil agility can outrun my lasers, pal! If I wanted to, I could cut your head off and then do some intricate welding and slicing with your guts!

  The Weevil : What? Get... get the cameras out of here!

  Minute Man : Will you get the cameras out of here? Tony, what'd you do to him?

  The Weevil : I didn't do anything!

  Ms. Indestructible : Ted, let's go home. Let's talk about this...

  The Strobe : I don't know where your home is, lady, but it's not with me.

  Deadly Girl : What did you do to him?

  Ms. Indestructible : This is none of your business.

  Deadly Girl : He's my friend.

  Ms. Indestructible : He's my husband!

  The Weevil : Ted, just... just tell us what's wrong.

  The Strobe : What's wrong? You mean beyond the fact that you're fucking my wife?

  [Deadly Girl punches Ms. Indestructible in the eye, hard] 

• Minute Man : I started to write down a plan on how to get Ted to put the group back together.

  Deadly Girl : It's 3:00 in the morning.

  Minute Man : Exactly. Exactly. That's the very point. We don't have much time.

  Deadly Girl : Where's Duck Lass?

  Minute Man : Nightbird.

  Deadly Girl : Her.

  Minute Man : I guess unrequited love is sort of a group tradition.

  Deadly Girl : This isn't a plan, Tim. It's a drawing of your brother with a butt for a face.

  Minute Man : It's a shitty plan. That's why I need your help.

• Mr. Smart : Am I supposed to come in?

  Ms. Indestructible : Yes, you're supposed to come in.

  The Strobe : He's not supposed to come in.

  Ms. Indestructible : Get your ass out of bed and get over here.

  Mr. Smart : Excuse me, but...

  The Strobe : [Emily hangs up]  Hmm.

  Minute Man : [coming in with Deadly Girl]  Good morning.

  Ms. Indestructible : [seeing they're dressed in their previous day's clothes]  Did you two sleep together last night?

  Deadly Girl : Is oral sex sleeping together?

  Ms. Indestructible : Yes.

  Deadly Girl : I see.

  [dropping a box on the table] 

  Deadly Girl : Donuts for everyone!

  Nightbird : [coming in]  Hi.

  Deadly Girl : Shelly.

  Nightbird : I'm back.

  Mr. Smart : [coming in]  All right! I'm here, I'm here. I'm sorry I'm late.

  The Strobe : Late for nothing. She should have never asked you to come in.

  Minute Man : Why aren't you wearing any pants?

  Mr. Smart : [looking down]  Oh, God. This is what happens when you scream at me on the phone. I'm sensitive. My overdeveloped mind is attuned to things you could never imagine.

  Deadly Girl : Has anyone noticed Mr. Smart has an enormous package?

  Mr. Smart : My father, too, had a large penis.