- Wolf: No, no! "Rare" implies dangerously cooked. When I say rare I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me.
- ["Saturday Night Fever" plays on a boom box]
- Blue Bell: They are called 'The Brothers Gibb'.
- Blabberwort: And the song: it concerns a deadly fever that only strikes on Saturdays.
- Tony: All right, all right. Wait, wait! I have a question! What is the point in having a door that has a horrible death behind it? Huh?
- [picks up frog]
- Frog: Get your hands off me!
- Tony: What does that achieve?
- Frog: What are you doing?
- Tony: I mean, what is the purpose of your life? Just to be a pain?
- Frog: Don't touch me there, only my girlfriend touches me there!
- [Tony throws the frog through one of the doors]
- Frog: WHOA!
- [Tony slams the door, there's a large explosion and fireball]
- Wolf: I guess it's the other one.
- Virginia: I don't intend to have any children, thank you very much.
- Wolf: Well, it's a little bit late for that.
- Virginia: What do you mean?
- Wolf: You got a little wolf cub growing inside of you! A little furry chap, just like me, only much smaller. Believe me. I'm a wolf. I know these things.
- Virginia: Really?
- Wolf: I just know.
- Virginia: "For seven men, she gave her life. For one good man, she was his wife. Beneath the ice by Snow White Falls, there lies the fairest of them all."
- Snow White: Why did I let her in? Didn't I know she was bad? I did. Of course I did. But I also knew that I couldn't keep the door closed all my life just because it was dangerous. Just because there was a chance that I might get hurt.
- Tony: What is it with you people? What kind of twisted upbringing did you have? You know, why can't you just say, 'Oh, that'll be 100 gold coins'? Why does it always have to be, 'No! Not unless you lay a magic egg, or count the hairs on that giant's ass!'?
- [last Lines]
- Virginia: I'd like to say that Wolf and I lived happily ever after, but our lives were almost immediately interrupted by another crisis in the kingdoms. But that's not this story, this story is done. And when you live every day with all your heart, then you can be happy ever after, even if it's only for short time. My name is Virigina, and I live on the edge of the forest... And this is the end of the first book of the 10th Kingdom.
- Snow White: You're cold. You're cold, Virginia. How did you become so cold? You are still lost in the forest. But lonely, lost girls like us can rescue themselves. You are standing on the edge of greatness.
- Virginia: I mean I still have this uncontrollable urge to just go up to people and say "My mother left me when I was seven!" As if that would explain everything. And I miss her. And I hate her! And I miss her... I was on a train and it crashed or something, and no one came and rescued me!
- Wolf: Doc, I met this terrific girl and I really, really, *really* like her. But, the thing is...
- Dr. Horowitz: Well, go on, say it.
- Wolf: I...
- Dr. Horowitz: Say it!
- Wolf: Not sure whether I-I-I wanna love her or eat her.
- Blabberwort: I've got some dwarf moss. And it'll really blow your head off, though. Look at this. The last time I took it, I saw fairies for three days.
- Snow White: Hello, Virginia. You look tired.
- Virginia: Are you dead?
- Snow White: Well, yes. I think you'd have to say so. I'm more into the fairy-godmother, occasional-appearance sort of thing now.
- Virginia: I really do like you. I like you a lot. And, I never - I never wanna hurt you. I think I love you.
- Wolf: Butter would not melt in my mouth. Well, it would melt. Of course it would melt, but very slowly.
- Gypsy Queen: Stretch it, twist it, make it grow. Like a river, make it flow. Make it pull and pinch and tweak. Make it grow 'til she grows weak. Make her moan and scream and cry. Make her wish that she would die.
- Wolf: But you don't understand, I won't be here next week!
- Dr. Horowitz: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, you're not going to intimidate me with suicide threats.
- Dr. Horowitz: Now I'm going to give you a word, and I want you to say the first word that comes into your mind.
- Wolf: Oh, yeah! Oh, a game. Yeah.
- Dr. Horowitz: Here we go. Home.
- Wolf: Cooking.
- Dr. Horowitz: Coward.
- Wolf: Chicken!
- Dr. Horowitz: Wedding.
- Wolf: Cake.
- Dr. Horowitz: Dead.
- Wolf: Meat.
- Dr. Horowitz: Sexual.
- Wolf: Ooh, appetite.
- Dr. Horowitz: Love.
- Wolf: Oh! To eat anything fluffy! Ah, sorry, sorry, more than one word. Start again?
- Virginia: Our mirror's smashed, what can we do? Where the hell are the other two?
- Gustav the Magic Mirror: Mirror one shattered be, by an oaf called Antony. Mirror two is on a bed with barnacles upon its head.
- Tony: A bed... with barnacles.
- Virginia: The sea bed!
- Dwarf Librarian: Yes. One fell into the Great Northern Sea. I think you can safely discount that one.
- Gustav the Magic Mirror: What you seek has not been seen, since it was stolen by the Queen.
- Tony: The Queen! That's all we need.
- Prince Wendell: Antony, uh, any chance of a little biscuit?
- Tony: No, no, no, um...
- [sputtering]
- Tony: Very helpful you have been, just tell us where we can find the Queen.
- Gustav the Magic Mirror: Near she is, but not alone. In a place that's not her home. In a castle, out of sight, where once the Queen was called Snow White.
- Tony: That's Prince Wendell's castle.
- Prince Wendell: And now, for the greatest bravery imaginable. For courage in the face of relentless and terrible danger, I award my dear friends the highest medals in my Kingdom. Firstly, my temporary manservant, Antony. My people, look upon my friend. No longer is he spineless and wallowing in self pity.
- Tony: Thanks.
- Prince Wendell: No longer is he a balding useless coward who would rather run than fight.
- Tony: I think they got the message.
- Prince Wendell: No longer is he selfishly driven by envy and greed.
- Tony: Wendell, the medal.
- Prince Wendell: No. He is heroically transformed. What braver man could exist, than Antony the Valiant?
- Restaurant Owner: I am the greatest chef in the Nine Kingdoms! Folks travel hundreds of miles just to eat my food!
- Wolf: Yeah, well my date's from a different dimension, so don't slip up.
- Christine Lewis: Once upon a time, there was a lovely, little girl who lived on the edge of the forest. Her mommy told her never to go into the forest, but do you know what she did?
- Little Virginia: No.
- Christine Lewis: Yes, you do. She went into the forest and she met a monster. And then she died. And everyone forgot about her, and we all lived happily ever after.
- Sally Peep: If my door wasn't locked, I'd be scared you'd come into my house and huff and puff and blow all my clothes off!
- Wolf: Where do you live, Sally?
- Wolf: Don't worry, I'm not who I used to be. I've had extensive therapy. I realize I have been using food as a substitute for love and I have the books to prove it: "Breaking the Cycle", "Heal Yourself in 7 Days", "Stop Blaming Yourself, Please", and "Help for the Bedwetting Child", which I picked up by mistake. But I've got them all!
- Gustav the Magic Mirror: An answer only will I chime, when questions put are asked in rhyme.
- Dwarf Librarian: All early mirrors talk in verse.
- Tony: Yes, of course.
- Snow White: You may ask for one wish, and I will try and grant it. But be sure to ask for the right thing.
- Virginia: Okay, I wish... I wish that Dad's bad luck was over. Oh! And that his back wasn't broken anymore.
- Snow White: Strictly speaking, that's two wishes. But it's done.
- Tony: It's no use, the man is a complete idiot.
- Village Idiot: If only. Now my father, he was a *complete* idiot. I'm still a half-wit.
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