- Col. Martin: Gunner Madigan, you are a coward.
- Dan Madigan: No, Sir! Not true! I'm a hero with coward's legs.
- Dan Madigan: You said my legs would develop with the plot.
- Writer-Director: They will, they will.
- Dan Madigan: Why do they still look like a pair of dirty old pipe cleaners?
- Writer-Director: Well it's a transitional period...
- Dan Madigan: I don't want transitional legs. Anyway, what's this bloody film all about? Here we are in scene 23 and all these people coming and going. Where's it all going to end? I'll tell you what I think. I think you're making it up as you go along. Tell me! Give me a sign!
- [a flying bottle smashes into Madigan's head]
- Dan Madigan: Okay, that sounded fine.
- [Madigan passes out]
- Father Rudden: Wine must be treated with respect. It's liquid Christianity. There has never been a bigger argument against teetotalers since the wedding feast at Cana.
- Dan Madigan: Good God, what are these?
- Writer-Director: Legs.
- Dan Madigan: Legs? Legs? Whose legs?
- Writer-Director: Your legs.
- Dan Madigan: Mine? Did you write these legs?
- Writer-Director: I did, yes.
- Dan Madigan: Well I don't like them. I don't like them at all. I could have writed better legs meself. Did you write your legs?
- Writer-Director: Uh, no.
- Dan Madigan: Ah, so you got somebody else to write your legs. Somebody who's good at leg writing. It's a diabolical liberty letting loose some untrained leg writer on an unsuspecting human being like me!
- Writer-Director: Madigan always suffered from his legs. During the Great War, while his mind was full of heroisms under fire, his legs were carrying the idea, at speed, in the opposite direction.
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