Dog Soldiers (2002)
Darren Morfitt: Spoon
Photos
Quotes
-
[to attacking werewolf]
Spoon : I hope I give you the shits, you fucking wimp.
-
Cooper : Werewolves spend most of their time in human form, right? And the only people for miles around live right here.
Spoon : So these things aren't about to give up the fight and go home...
Cooper : They ARE home.
Sgt. Harry Wells : Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I mean, think about it. We bust into their house, we eat all their porridge, we sleep in their fucking beds. No wonder they're pissed.
-
Cooper : Go on then Bruce, what scares you?
Bruce : The self-destructive nature of the human condition.
Spoon : You're just taking the piss now.
Cooper : What about you, Spoon?
Spoon : Castration.
Cooper : There's no argument there. Joe?
Joe : Only one thing guaranteed to put the shits up me: a penalty shoot-out.
Cooper : Figures. Terry?
Terry : Watching a penalty shoot-out... with Joe.
Bruce : What about you, Coop?
Cooper : Spiders. And women. And... spider-women.
[They all laugh]
Terry : I want to know what scares the Sarge.
Spoon : Piss off man, nothing scares the Sarge.
Sergeant Harry Wells : I don't know about that. The thought of never seeing my wife again scares the shit out of me. That and those little things that make your skin crawl and a hair stands up at the back of your neck.
Joe : You mean like Spoon?
[Spoon looks at him]
Sergeant Harry Wells : No, there's one thing, actually, in particular that I'll remember until the day that I die. Yeah it's back in '91, just before my unit was flying out to Kuwait to mop up the last pockets of resistance. Me and his young fellow called Eddie Oswald decided to go and get a tattoo done to commemorate our first trip into the desert.
Bruce : I remember Ed. He was a stocky hard case with a broken nose and a bone eye, eh?
Sergeant Harry Wells : Yeah, that's him. Good looking fellow. Big hit with the ladies. Anyway, me and Eddie, we went and had a few drinks. We had a lot of drinks. And we went down to the tattoo parlor, and I got a desert rat done. And Eddie being Eddie wanted something a bit more meaning. And being a bit of a believer, he said that his soul still belonged to God. But his flesh-- well his flesh was way beyond redemption. It was up to Satan to save his skin. So he got this fucking great laughing devil tattoo, right on his ass. Anyway, about six days later, we were making a regular sweep along the, uh, Iraqi border. And, uh, Eddie, poor fucker, triggered an antitank mine. Yeah. We all saw it happen. He was on point. A white blinding lightning flash and a fucking deafening crack. By the time we picked ourselves up off the deck, Eddie was... He was gone. Just bits and pieces of him. It's all that remained. This big fucking red circle a hundred meters. I'll tell you something, lads. It really puts things in perspective when you have to scoop your mate up with a shovel and stick him in a bin bag. Anyway, the thing that really did our nuts in that day was when you, uh, came across the bit you recognized. A bit of an ear, a toe, a nose, a tooth. The thing that really freaked us out that day was when left-hand Charlie found a bit of Eddie with the tattoo on. I mean, everything else was burned to a crisp covered in claret. All mushed up, pocked up. Not this bit. This bit was perfect. And there's old Nick chortling his fucking ass all off at us. So you could say that Eddie was right. That Satan did indeed save his skin, just not all of it. Or you could say that Eddie was just unlucky. Either way... It taught me to keep a very open mind. Boom, boom. Anyway. Eddie Oswald.
-
Spoon : So this bloke walks into a pub right, with a little dog under his arm. Puts it down on the bar, goes and sits down. The bar-tender's lookin' at him thinking "what the fuckin' hell's goin' on here?". Then he looks back at the dog, and to his surprise the dog turns around and...
[Dead cow drops into camp]
Cooper : Fuckin' cow.
Spoon : Fuckin' hell.
[Terry fires at it]
Wells : Cease fire, Terry. Cease fire.
Joe : Terry, what the hell are you doin'? You're firing blanks man.
Wells : Is everyone all right? Is everyone OK?
Spoon : Nah, man, I think I've shit meself.
-
[Homage to 3 Little pigs & The Shining]
Spoon : Little pigs, little pigs, we've come to nick ya video.
-
[Joe watching the cow roasting on the fire]
Joe : Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?
Bruce : You are joking aren't you?
Spoon : You fuckin' animal.
Joe : Yea, you're all thinking the same thing aren't you?
Spoon : Mmmm.
Joe : Right lads, how do ya like your steak done?
Wells : You bunch of dirty bloody savages. You lot make me sick. God.
-
Spoon : [walking upstairs upon first entering the house] Little pigs, Little pigs, we've come to nick your video.
-
Joe : This is bone. This is so fucking bone.
Cooper : Anything else?
Megan : Yeah. What does 'bone' mean?
Spoon : Bone; Bollocks, naff.
Joe : Not. Very. Good.
Megan : Right. Anything else I should know?
Cooper : Call signs. You need to be specific. Upstairs you've got Sergeant Wells who you seem to know inside and out by now. Over there you've got Spoon, the vomiting cavalier is Terry, and the big guy with the axe is Joe.
-
Wells : All right, then, time sync. I got zero-seven-thirty coming up in three... two... one... check.
Spoon : Oh, bollocks, I don't believe this.
Wells : What is it now, Witherspoon?
Spoon : Left me watch at the barracks, Sarge.
Wells : Take a breather every once in a while, son, you'll live longer.
Terry : Nice work, Spoon, you tosser.
Joe : Took the words right out of my mouth.
Spoon : And you'll be taking my boot out your mouth in a minute, Joe, you baldy twat.
-
[Throwing various kitchen utensils at attacking werewolf]
Spoon : Yea? Yea? You want some? Here we go. Yea? See if you're fuckin' hard. If you're so fuckin' hard... you throw a punch like a wimp. Fucking bastard. C'mon. C'mon. Bring it on. All right you...
-
[Wells gives Spoon his watch]
Sergeant Wells : Just cause its nice and new and shiny doesn't mean its worth shit. Now remember I want that back.
Spoon : What about you Sarge?
Sergeant Wells : Well I'll count, wont I?
-
[Joe's complaining about the quality of the food]
Joe : I'm sick of this pre-packed dog shite.
Bruce : If it's not one thing, it's another, eh Joe?
Spoon : I know, you're like a bear with a sore head.
Terry : Thanks to Cooper's fancy footwork.
Cooper : Yeah, sorry about that Joe. How's your head doing?
Joe : Still in one piece. Knock on wood.
-
Joe : Come on then Bruce, man. Lets hear the result on the radio.
Bruce : Why do you keep torturing yourself?
Joe : We might've slaughtered them.
Bruce : Yeah, then again, you might not.
Terry : We all wanna know the results Joe. We just enjoy watching you suffer.
Joe : Laugh. I nearly split my sides.
Spoon : Yeah, well there's no point tearing your hair out about it Joe... oops, sorry mate, too late.
-
[while looking at picture of the family that lives in the house]
Cooper : Werewolves spend most of their time in human form, right? And the only people from miles around live right here.
Spoon : So these things aren't about to give up the flight and go home.
Cooper : They are home.
Sergeant Harry Wells : Yeah, well that makes perfect sense, don't it? When you think about it, we bust into their house. We eat all their porridge. We sleep in their fucking beds. No wonder they're pissed off.
Megan : But they're good people. They're kind people.
Cooper : More's the pity.
Megan : Why.
Cooper : 'Cause we're gonna have to kill them all.
Sergeant Harry Wells : Too right, mate.
[Smashes the picture with a hammer]
-
[they're all trying to look for silver weapons to fight the werewolves with]
Megan : What self-respecting werewolf would have anything silver in the house anyway?
Cooper : Yeah well, fuck the folklore. Let's just burn them.
Spoon : Yeah.
Sergeant Harry Wells : If we knew where to find them.
Megan : Maybe we do. Everything we've seen so far suggests the behavior of a pack. Six to eight members. An Alpha pair leading the subordinates, and a young male, the Beta wolf, second in command. Makes sense.
Cooper : You lost me.
Megan : A wolf pack sticks together, generally somewhere close to its food supply. Somewhere safe, sheltered, and warm.
-
Spoon : You're gonna have to move like shit off the shovel on this one mate.
Cooper : You worry about your own shit. When we blow that fuse, that place is gonna go up like Zabriskie Point. Just make it work.
Spoon : Yeah, it's easy peesy.
Cooper : And lemon squeezy.
Spoon : Listen, Coop. What about the Sarge?
Cooper : What about the Sarge?
Spoon : You know what I mean.
Cooper : The Sarge is with us.
Spoon : Yeah, yeah. I just didn't want him to go out and get his watch back.
-
Megan : You came here because of them, right?
Cooper : I don't have a fucking clue what they are, and right now I don't really care.
Megan : Then what are you doing here?
Cooper : This was supposed to be a routine training exercise, and that's all.
Megan : So this wasn't a rescue mission?
Cooper : What?
Megan : No, I guess not.
Spoon : Back door is secure.
Cooper : What's happening here, Spoon?
Spoon : Well, they're still moving around out there, but they're keeping their distance, staying within the treelike.
Cooper : Maybe they've had enough for one night.
Megan : Not likely. They're smart. You've seen what they can do. My guess is they're doing exactly what you'd be doing in your shoes. They're working as a team. Looking for a weakness. A way in.
Cooper : I'm about to second guess these things. They're the enemy. As simple as that.
Megan : This is no ordinary enemy.
-
Cooper : I know things have gone from shit to bone to worse in the last 24 hours. But if we pull our way and do the job, we still have a fighting chance. No more running. We stand here. We fight. Right? Any questions?
Joe : Just the one, Coop. Exactly, what is it we're fighting against?
Cooper : Megan, you wanna run it pass the boys?
Megan : Lycanthropes.
Joe : You what?
Cooper : That's werewolves to you and me.
Joe : Are you taking a piss?
Spoon : What? Makes perfect sense to me.
Joe : What? You mean like full moons, silver bullets and eyebrows that join in the middle?
Megan : Before you dismiss it off hand, think about what you've seen and heard. The full moon, the teeth, the claws, the howling. Is it so difficult to believe? For a whole year now I've tracked these things. I've studied them. Tried to understand them. Every month when the moon is full, they hunt as a team dedicated to the kill. During the time at least 15 people have vanished. Hikers mostly, in small groups or alone. They're caught out in the open, hunted down, torn apart, and devoured. I've never witnessed the actual slaughter, but the next day, no bodies, no werewolves. Just blood. The eyebrows thing is nonsense. It's just Dark Age paranoia. And silver bullets, no one's ever got close enough to try.
Spoon : I'm sold.
Cooper : Slow down Spoon, Megan may have a point. I'm still not convinced that these things didn't escape from the local nuthouse and forget to shave or trim their nails. But they're out there and we're in here. What they may or may not be does not affect our immediate situation one bit.
Joe : This is bone. This is so fucking bone.
Cooper : Anything else?
Megan : Yeah. What does "bone" mean?
Spoon : Bone. Bollocks and that
Joe : Not very good.
Megan : Right. Anything else I should know?
Cooper : Call signs. You need to be specific. Upstairs you've got Sergeant Wells, who you seem to know inside and out. You got Spoon over there. The vomiting cavalier, Terry. And the big guy with the ax is Joe.
Megan : Didn't you forget someone?
Cooper : Ryan. Captain Ryan is not one of our team. His being here is hazy at best.
-
Joe : Somebody must've heard some gunfire? Somebody must've heard something.
Megan : Who? The only other house within 50 miles of here is mine, and I'm not there.
Spoon : Well what about the road, man, passers by?
Megan : Do you have any idea what kind of luck you had running into me out there tonight?
Ryan : I thought you ran into us.
Cooper : Joe, check upstairs.
Megan : Even if anyone did come by, they'd only end up lambs to the slaughter like you. Our only hope is daylight. Sunrise is in six hours.
Cooper : We did the best we could. But if the Sarge's condition deteriorates, he'll have less than four. And the only thing holding them back is they don't know how much ammunition we have left.
-
[tending to Megan's injured hand]
Spoon : Let's have a look at that.
Megan : Tell me, honestly, what are our chances?
Cooper : The morale seems good, considering. It'll only last as long as the ammunition holds out. High spirits is just no substitute for 800 rounds a minute, but I don't think that's what you want to hear.
Megan : Think about it, Cooper. Up until today you believed there was a line between myth and reality. It may have been a very fine line sometimes, but at least it was a line. Those things out there are real. If they're real, what else is real? You know what lives in the shadows now. You may never get another night's sleep as long as you live.
Ryan : So why worry, Cooper? You may not live that long.
Cooper : Shut your mouth. We are gonna make it through this. You know why? I don't scare that easy.
[Hands her a keychain]
Cooper : Here. It's supposed to be lucky.
Megan : For me or the rest of the rabbit?
Ryan : You'll need a lot more than luck this time.
Megan : Shut up, Ryan. Listen to me, Cooper. Ignore him. We can survive 'til sunrise. That's all that matters. It's just a few more hours.
Cooper : Wait a minute. Am I missing something here?
Megan : I know him. I was seconded to his team during their first visit here.
Spoon : First visit? What first visit? What the fuck are you talking about?
Megan : They came to check out the stories. They needed an expert. It's just a few more hours, Cooper. That's all it is.
-
Ryan : If I could tell you, I would. But I'm just a soldier like you.
Cooper : No stripes. No insignia. A suit and a uniform does not make a soldier. He's with Special Ops. His team were wiped out last night. He was the only survivor.
Ryan : I'd advise you against pursuing this line of questioning, Private Cooper.
Cooper : You're pulling rank on me now, Captain.
Joe : You can show that right off your arse.
Ryan : I'm saying my being here is a moot point since I'm now in as much shit as you are.
Cooper : We're on the same fucking shit. And we need each other.
Ryan : I doubt I need you.
Joe : You bloody did two hours ago.
[Cooper is looking at a picture of a family]
Megan : The Uaths.
Spoon : Crying like a baby, you were.
Ryan : That was then. Circumstances change.
Cooper : What?
Megan : Uath, it's Celtic. The family's lived in this glen for centuries. So what was he doing out there?
Cooper : I have an idea. I wanna hear it from the horse's mouth. Come to think of it, Ryan, how are you feeling?
Ryan : I'm fine.
Cooper : When we found you, you could barely open your eyes, let alone walk. And then later you manage to run. And now look at you. Fine and fit and sitting pretty. Hardly the behavior of a man who until recently was knocking on death's door.
Ryan : I have a strong constitution.
Joe : You're not bloody kidding.
Cooper : You won't mind if I have a look at that wound of yours.
Ryan : I just assumed you didn't.
Cooper : I have a responsibility to my patient.
Ryan : [threateningly] I'm warning you, Cooper, don't touch me.
[Cooper advances on him Ryan pulls out his handgun]
Ryan : Get back!
[Megan takes a frying pan and smacks the gun away causing it to shoot out the window Joe restrains Ryan and Cooper checks his wounds and sees that they have healed up]
Cooper : Tie him up. I want him to talk.
Megan : What are you gonna do? Torture him?
Cooper : I don't know. What would you do?
Megan : I'd torture him.
[the power goes out]
Cooper : What now?
Spoon : They shut down the generator.
Terry : Why would they do that?
Megan : Because they can see in the dark.
Ryan : And you're afraid of it.
Joe : This is a pile of rancid shit.
Megan : Now what do you believe?
Ryan : I'm beginning to believe you. I think Joe might've worded it better.
Terry : They're on the move.
Cooper : All right. This is it. Mark your targets and preserve your ammo. Three round busts. We only got one stun grenade apiece. So only use them if absolutely necessary. Stand to.