The Stepford Wives (2004)
Nicole Kidman: Joanna Eberhart
Photos
Quotes
-
Walter Kresby : You're even better at sex, don't deny it.
Joanna Eberhard : I wasn't going to.
-
Bobbie Markowitz : Add it up. All the women around here are perfect sex-kitten bimbos. All the men are drooling nerds. Doesn't that seem strange?
Joanna Eberhart : Not to me.
Bobbie Markowitz : Why not?
Joanna Eberhart : I work in television.
-
Walter Kresby : First of all we are in the country now, so no more black.
Joanna Eberhart : No more black? Are you insane?
Walter Kresby : You heard me. Only high-powered, neurotic, castrating, Manhattan career bitches wear black. Is that what you want to be?
Joanna Eberhart : Ever since I was a little girl.
-
Joanna Eberhart : Hey, aren't you Bobbi Markowitz? I love your books. What was the name of that book, the one about your mother?
Bobbi Markowitz : "I Love You, But Please Die."
-
Joanna Eberhard : If you're in Manhattan, what do you do if you find out you're neighbour is sick?
Roger Bannister : Call her...
Bobbi Markowitz : -To see if she is going to die...
Roger Bannister : -So we could rent the apartment.
-
Mike Wellington : My real name isn't Mike, it's just a nickname from where I used to work.
Joanna Eberhard : Where?
Mike Wellington : Microsoft.
Ted Van Sant : NASA.
Vic Stevens : Disney.
Stan Peters : AOL.
Joanna Eberhard : Is that why the women are so slow?
-
Bobbi Markowitz : My psychiatrist says I need creative chaos.
Roger Bannister : My shrink says I need boundaries.
Joanna Eberhart : My doctor says I need enough electricity to jumpstart Vegas.
-
Walter Kresby : She's not a robot. She never was. I couldn't do it.
Mike Wellington : Why not?
Walter Kresby : Because she's not a science project. Because I didn't marry something from RadioShack.
Mike Wellington : That's a shame.
Joanna Eberhart : No. That's a man.
-
[the Stepford Wives have been "de-Stepfordized"]
Joanna Eberhard : Mike, Mike, what happened? I was in the garden and I was dreaming about your... your smile and your aftershave and then I realized...
[In a sinister voice]
Joanna Eberhard : I could do *better*!
-
Joanna Eberhart : How do I look?
Bobbi Markowitz : Can I be perfectly honest?
Joanna Eberhart : Mm-hmmm.
Bobbi Markowitz : You kind of look like Betty Crocker.
Joanna Eberhart : I know.
Roger Bannister : At Betty Ford.
-
Claire Wellington : I'm the only decent person left
Joanna Eberhart : In Stepford?
Claire Wellington : In the world!
Roger Bannister : [gasps] She's fabulous!
-
Joanna Eberhart : Bobbie! Bobbie... this isn't you...
Bobbie Markowitz : That's right, Joanna! This isn't me, it's a whole new me. I'm happy, and I'm healthy, because I understand what's important in life.
Joanna Eberhart : Yes, your new book!
Bobbie Markowitz : [starts advancing on Joanna] That's right! That's what's important, my new cookbook. And my husband, and my family, and making a perfect home. It's a lesson every gal needs to learn, especially you. I'm your friend, Joanna, I'm going to help you. You need me.
Joanna Eberhart : You stay away from me!
Bobbie Markowitz : You are driven.
Joanna Eberhart : Well, sometimes...
Bobbie Markowitz : And you're selfish! You wanna rule the world! I can fix you. I can change you.
Joanna Eberhart : [notices Bobbie's hand is resting upon the lit stove, yet she doesn't burn] What... have... they... done... to... you?
Bobbie Markowitz : Let's get busy!
-
Joanna Eberhart : We're trespassing!
Bobbie Markowitz : Only if we get caught.
-
Joanna Eberhard : Excuse me, is this man bothering you?
Bobbi Markowitz : Yes. He's my husband.
-
Joanna Eberhard : But, she had sparks coming out of her ears.
Roger Bannister : That's the first sign.
Joanna Eberhard : Of what?
Roger Bannister : Cheap jewelery.
-
Dave Markowitz : Hey, Kresby-man.
Walter Kresby : Hey Dave.
Joanna Eberhard : How do you know each other?
Dave Markowitz : Men's Association.
-
Walter Kresby : We should get moving.
Dave Markowitz : Yeah, we got a meeting at the Men's Association.
Joanna Eberhart : When will you be home, honey?
Walter Kresby : [Dave makes a face at Walter] When I'm home.
-
Walter Kresby : So that's why we have to leave Stepford? I'm not following.
Joanna Eberhart : Ok. Before, Roger was witty and stylish and ironic.
Walter Kresby : And I'm sure he still is.
Joanna Eberhart : No. Now he's making speeches in a Brooks Brothers suit.
Walter Kresby : Hey, there's lots of ways to be gay. Don't try to make him into a stereotype.
Joanna Eberhart : Bobbie is right, and she's leaving too. This place does something to people. All of the women are always busy and perfect and smiling, and all of the men are always happy.
Walter Kresby : And that's a problem because?
Joanna Eberhart : Because it's not normal, Walter. It's... It's not our world. It's not us. And I'm picking up our kids from camp right now, and we're getting out of here. With or without you.
[she goes to the front door but it is locked, she is extremely frusrated]
Walter Kresby : You'll never change will you? Not really.
Joanna Eberhart : [deadpan] Open the door.
Walter Kresby : [he disables the security system, Joanna is leaving when...] And you're right.
Joanna Eberhart : [she turns to him] About what?
Walter Kresby : If you're that unhappy, then we should move. Maybe head back to the city. We could leave tomorrow.
Joanna Eberhart : [she sighs and hugs Walter] Thank you. Thank you.
-
Joanna Eberhard : You're insane!
Claire Wellington : I'm in love. With the waltz, and a town
[pauses, picks up Mikes head]
Claire Wellington : and a man.
[Kisses Mikes head]
-
Joanna Eberhard : ...... Can they say "I love you" ?
Walter Kresby : Mike ?
Mike Wellington : Of course. In 58 languares