Welcome to the Jungle (2003)

Dwayne Johnson: Beck

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Quotes 

• Beck : [speaking into a walkie talkie]  Mr Hatcher, are you out there?

  Hatcher : [presses reply button]  What can I do for you, Mr. Beck?

  Beck : I have no desire to fight with you or your men. For that reason you have two options. Option A, you leave the Gato and the girl, and you walk out of town no questions asked.

  Hatcher : What's option B?

  Beck : Option B? I make you.

  [Silence. Then Hatcher starts laughing. Then his henchmen start laughing. Finally he presses the reply button so Beck can hear them laughing at him] 

  Beck : [slowly shakes head]  Wrong choice.

  [knocks out video camera] 

  Hatcher : Lock down the town.

• [Manito says something in Portugese] 

  Mariana : Manito wants to know who you think would win a fight between Mike Tyson and Muhammed Ali.

  Beck : Ali, hands down.

  [Manito says something in Portugese] 

  Mariana : He says, what about Tyson's power?

  Beck : Shit. Tell him Ali would have done to Tyson what he did to Foreman in Africa.

  Manito : Ah, Rumble. Rumble in the Jungle.

  Beck : Tell him Ali was too smart.

  Mariana : [translates into Portugese] 

  Beck : Too smart, too fast. He would have used his jabs, bam, bam. He would have danced, played with his mind. Before you know it, bam. left to the body, bam. right to the head. Down goes Tyson.

  Manito : Float like butterfly.

  Beck : Sting like bee.

• [last lines] 

  Travis : Hey, remember your friend, Mr. Thunder? How 'bout his buddy, Mr. Lightning? Ooh, I know you know him. You know him real well, don't ya?

  [grunts, whoops] 

  Travis : I'm just playing, man. I'll be in the truck.

  Beck : I'm gonna kill you.

• Beck : You know, back in the States, Brazil nuts like these go for fifteen dollars a pound.

  Mariana : Well, those fell off the tree out back. And around here, we don't call them Brazil nuts.

  Beck : What do you call them?

  Mariana : Well, we are in Brazil, so we just call them nuts.

  Beck : [grins]  Fair enough.

• Travis : Let me get this straight - you never use guns?

  Beck : No.

  Travis : Never.

  Beck : Never.

  Travis : What if your best friend was gonna die, you wouldn't pick up a gun?

  Beck : No guns.

  Travis : Santa Claus would pick up a gun to save his best friend.

  Beck : Do I look like Santa Claus? Do I look like Santa Claus to you?

  Travis : What do you say? Guns make you whooh-poco-loco? Bang-bang-crazy?

  Beck : I pick up guns, bad things happen to people. I don't like that.

  Travis : What kind of things?

  Beck : Very bad things, Travis. Walk.

  Travis : What about knives?

  Beck : Move.

• Beck : When I'm a guest in another man's house, I don't reach into his refrigerator without asking permission.

• [Beck & Travis are paralyzed from eating a jungle fruit] 

  Beck : [slurred]  Oh, thit...

  Travis : [who can't turn his head]  What? What?

  Beck : Monkey! Monkey!

  Travis : Monkey? Where? Get him away from me!

  Beck : [weakly]  Get out of here, Monkey.

  Travis : [weakly]  Get out of here, Monkey.

  Beck : [weakly]  Get out of here, Monkey.

  [Sounds of a swarm of monkeys running around them and drawing closer] 

  Travis : Oh, no...

  Beck : I hate this place. I hate penis-eating minnows and I hate freaky fruit. I want to go home. I want concrete. I want homemade tortellini. I want my Los Angeles Lakers. I want to go home, I want to go home, I WANT TO GO HOOOOOOME!

  [He gets pissed off enough to overcome the paralysis and lift his head and arm, waving a tree branch] 

  Beck : Get out of here, monkeys! Get out of here, monkeys!

  [the monkeys run off. Beck tries to stand, and promptly collapses to the ground again] 

• [Travis keeps trying to hit Beck] 

  Beck : You done beatin' me up? Let's go.

• Travis : You don't understand the situation.

  Beck : You borrowed money from the guy. You shot the wrong guy. You slept with the wrong guy's wife. I-don't-care. Your mistake.

• Beck : What are you doing?

  Travis : I have to pee.

  Beck : Pee in your pants, move!

  Travis : No!

  Beck : Excuse me?

  Travis : I've let you push me around this jungle for like five hours. Now if you wanna keep going, you're just gonna have to carry me. I guarantee I'm gonna pee on your head.

  Beck : You're threatening me? You're threatening me with pee?

  Travis : Yeah... If you don't let me pee here.

  Beck : Fine, you win, pee!

  Travis : Will you unzip me?

  Beck : No, I'm not gonna unzip you. You have 30 seconds, PEE!

  Travis : How am I supose to pee with my hands cuffed behind my back?

  Beck : Find a way!

• Mariana : Don't pee in the water.

  Beck : Why?

  Mariana : A candiru, a vicious parasite will swim up the urine into your pau.

  Beck : Swim up my what?

  Mariana : Your pinto. It'll swim up your ding-dong. And once it gets in, you can't get it out.

  Beck : [Stammers]  Well, then what?

  Mariana : They have to amputate.

  Beck : [pulls his pants back up]  Not this boy's pinto. Uh-uh, not today!

• Travis : I'm just saying that whatever my father is paying you, I will double it.

  Beck : No.

  Travis : I'll quadruple it.

  Beck : No.

  Travis : I'll double it and quadruple it.

  Beck : No.

  Travis : You're being unreasonable.

• Hatcher : [facing away from door]  Tell 'em to dig harder! If only it were that simple, eh, Mr. Beck?

  [turns around] 

  Beck : How do you know my name?

  Hatcher : When a man of your dimensions travels all this way to visit a place like this... it... arouses the curiosity.

• Beck : I don't make deals with people like you.

  Travis : You don't even know me.

  Beck : You're just like every other jackass that I've taken down. First they try to run, then they try to fight, then they try to negotiate. And when that doesn't work, you're gonna do what all the others do when they realize it's over.

  Travis : Oh, yeah? What's that?

  Beck : You're gonna get down on your hands and knees and you're gonna beg me for a break. Well, guess what? I don't give breaks. No breaks.

• Travis : Have you ever heard of the Gato du Diabo? It's a priceless object, forged out of pure gold. It's worth millions.

  Beck : I thought you said it was priceless.

  Travis : You do not want to argue semantics with a PhD candidate.

  Beck : PhD?

  Travis : Yeah, I am very close to being Dr. Travis Walker.

  Beck : You dropped out of Stanford after two semesters, Einstein.

• Beck : I need you to make a choice for me.

  Travis : What choice?

  Beck : Option A or Option B. Option A: we walk out of here nice and easy, we go back to the airstrip, and then we begin our long journey back to Los Angeles. There'll be no bruises, no broken bones, and no problems.

  Travis : What's in Los Angeles?

  Beck : Your father.

  Travis : What's Option B?

  Beck : Pretty much the opposite of A. But I wouldn't recommend that one.

• Beck : Knapmiller, you have two choices. Option "A," you give me the ring. Option "B," I *make* you give me the ring.

  Knappmiller : [smugly]  I'll take "B".

  [One of Knappmiller's friends gets up from the table and Beck immediately knocks him to the ground] 

  Beck : Wrong answer.

• Beck : Tell him I don't want to fight him.

  Travis : [translating, to Manito]  He says he pisses on your ancestors, and that you would make a very pretty bride!

• Travis : I'll give you one more chance to reconsider.

  Beck : I'll give you one more chance to shut your mouth.

  Travis : [pause]  Is that your final answer?

• [after Beck reluctantly unzips Travis's fly, Travis turns, then hops around for a moment] 

  Travis : I can't get it out! Do you think you could-?

  Beck : No. Hell, no.

• Declan : [approaching the airstrip]  Will you look at that, we can't land now.

  Beck : Why? Why can't we land?

  Declan : Look, they got the bulls on the ground!

  Beck : [confused]  "Bools on the grind"?

  Declan : Aye, the bulls! The cattle, look!

• Beck : Is this the only road in and out?

  Declan : If you want to stay alive.

  Beck : Why is that?

  Declan : That, there! That's the jungle, little fella. You've got anacondas in there, poison arrow frogs, black flies, bullet ants. If they don't get you, the rebels will.

• Travis : So, wait a minute. She gets what she needs, you get what you need, and I get the shaft?

  Beck : I could always give her back the gun.

  Travis : I really don't like you.

  Beck : Yeah well, I get that a lot.

• Mariana : American?

  Beck : Yeah.

  Mariana : Where from?

  Beck : Someplace that's got bartenders.

• Beck : I'm looking for a man.

  Mariana : What's your type?

  [Travis comes out of the bathroom and walks toward the door] 

  Beck : His name's Travis Walker.

  [Travis stops behind Beck, and slowly turns around] 

  Beck : [without turning around]  He's in his twenties, he's got sandy hair, a beard, wearing a blue shirt and jeans, right now he's got a real bewildered look on his face.

• Travis : You got a problem with guns?

  Beck : Let's just say they take me to a place I don't wanna go.

  Travis : Where do they take you?

  Beck : To a place you don't wanna see me go. WALK.

  Travis : How often do you work out?

• [on the phone with his boss, before collecting from Knapmiller] 

  Beck : It's me. Oh yeah, he's here. But there's a problem, he's got the entire offensive line here. That's right, the entire offensive line. Why don't we just do this another night? Listen, they've got a legitimate shot at repeating this year, I do not want to hurt them.

• Travis : For what its worth, I hope you enjoy the fall.

  Beck : What fall?

  Travis : This fall...

• Beck : [after Travis found the Gato]  Who gives a shit?

• Beck : I paid you.

  Hatcher : Well, fortunately, I had my fingers crossed the whole time.

• Beck : [to Travis]  Not so fast, jungle boy!

• [while Beck is hanging upside down from a jungle snare] 

  Beck : Hey! I've got the keys to your cuffs.

  [the keys fall out of his pocket, onto the ground] 

  Beck : Oh, shit...

  Travis : I'll tell you what you've got, pal. You've got problems.

• [Beck gets yanked into the air by a jungle snare] 

  Beck : What-? What is this?

  Travis : Hoo, hoo, hoo! Welcome to the jungle, tough guy!

• Travis : Who do you think you are? You come into my town, you mess up my bar, you eyeball my woman...

  Beck : Eyeball your woman?

  Travis : Oh... it's on now.

• Mariana : I was just wondering how it is you came to do, you know, whatever it is you do.

  Beck : It's a long story.

  Mariana : It's a long walk.

  Beck : I grew up in a very rough place. One thing led to another, just like you.

  Mariana : Like me?

  Beck : Yeah. You get pushed, you push back. But with me, I pushed so hard that word got around. Before I knew it, I was standing in a room full of the wrong people with the wrong money.

  Mariana : So you think I'm standing in a room full of the wrong people?

  Beck : Something like that.

  Mariana : I like you, Mr. Beck. Really. But you and I are nothing alike.