Still Standing (2002–2006)

Mark Addy: Bill Miller

Photos 

Quotes 

• Judy : You kids shouldn't drink alcohol. It's dangerous and makes you do stupid things.

  Bill : [laughs]  Hey, Judy, remember that time when I was a senior in high school, and got so drunk that I...

  [Judy glares] 

  Bill : ... uh, fell to my death?

• Judy : Don't you think there's a little double-standard there?

  Bill : Not at all. I have one standard for Brian and another different standard for Lauren. That way, they each get their own.

  Judy : I was gonna say that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, but I wanna wait to hear what you have to say next.

• Bill : Why did I marry for looks instead of money?

  Judy : Why did I marry for neither?

• Judy : So, how was work?

  Bill : Judy, I sell toilets. Let's save 30 seconds out of each day and assume that it sucked until further notice!

• Bill : Come on, Judy, let's go brainstorm.

  Brian Miller : That'll be a light drizzle.

• Bill : Judy, who would want to go to a Mother's Day high tea?

  Brian Miller : Wow, did someone say high tea? Can I go?

  Judy : No, Brian, it's a mother-daughter tradition in my family. And Lauren is going for the first time!

  Brian Miller : That's not fair. I'd appreciate a high tea more than her.

  Bill : Pick a team, son. Pick a team.

• Bill : [running to the bathroom]  This could be a photo finish!

• [the doorbell rings] 

  Judy : Can somebody get that?

  Brian Miller : Busy!

  Tina Miller : Busy!

  Bill : Lazy!

• Brian Miller : [Bill and Judy come to Brian's school]  Oh no, it IS you two!

  Judy : What do you mean, "it is us"?

  Brian Miller : Everyone's saying that a hooker and her parole officer are walking around looking for me. I was hoping...

  Bill : Hear that, Judy? I'm married to a hooker!

• Judy : Bill, why are you hosing down the backyard?

  Bill : Simple. When our lesbian neighbors see how muddy and disgusting our backyard is, they'll give us that zoning permit to build a deck and a video of them playing shower games with each other.

• Bill : I'll have you know I graduated second out of my class... among the three of us that had to finish up over the summer.

• Lauren Miller : Dad, I need some help with my homework.

  Bill : Yeah, I know, I've seen your grades.

• Judy : [Reading a letter that Bill wrote in the event of his death]  "Dear Judy: Snow shovels behind the garage. XO, Dead Bill. P.S.: Boo."

  Bill : No, no! You have to read it in a scary voice, like this: "Booooo!"

• Judy : What are you going to do while I'm having book club?

  Bill : Probably order a pizza and watch "Behind the Music."

  Judy : Who's on tonight?

  Bill : Who cares? Someone's gonna get fat, someone's gonna go broke, and someone's gonna find God... I love that show.

• Bill : So, son, why didn't you join the football team?

  Brian Miller : Well, it was getting in the way of my debate-team practices.

  Bill : You never told me you were on the debate team!

  Brian Miller : Yes, I did.

  Bill : No, you didn't.

  Brian Miller : Yes, I did

  Bill : Damn, you're good.

• Judy : Is it just me or is Bonnie getting a little bossy?

  Bill : No, you're bossy too.

• Judy : Lauren, do you have any idea what your brother's been doing with all his money?

  Lauren Miller : Apparently, not hiding it as well as I hide mine.

  Bill : You have money?

  Lauren Miller : No.

• Bill : What's for dinner?

  Judy : Remember what we had last night? Cream of that.

• Bill : This family supports each other.

  Lauren Miller : Since when?

  Judy : OK, it's something new we're trying.

• Bill : I'll go talk to the boy. I'm a toilet salesman, I know how to get stuff out of people.

• Bill : There's a kite club?

  Brian Miller : Yeah, I'm vice-president.

  Bill : So, if the president can't fulfill his duties, *you* get beat up by the football team.