Barnaby Shackleford credited as playing...
Bartholomew
- Bartholomew: I took up smoking right after I gave up heterosexuality. I utterly refuse to discipline myself in too many ways at once!
- Bartholomew: You know, Ken, you look utterly adorable in the samurai suit. You make Toshirô Mifune look positively dowdy!
- Josie: Shall we say grace? Ready? Begin.
- Josie, Leonard, Ken: Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yay, God!
- Bartholomew: You're a bunch of disgusting heathens.
- Josie: And what do you do?
- Bartholomew: I'm shooting at the zoo, the final sequence for my master's.
- Josie: What's the title?
- Bartholomew: It's called, "A Helping Hand."
- Josie: Oh well that sounds very altruistic.
- Bartholomew: Not at all, my dear, it's about masturbation!
- Bartholomew: When I heard that your kinky little ménage à trois had moved into the castle, I thought, "Hmmmm."
- Josie: It's not like that at all, it's just Leonard and me.
- Bartholomew: Oh come on! That number's as gay as pink ink!
- Josie: I can give you a testimonial.
- Bartholomew: Whether he knows it or not, that number's just dying to come out of the closet!
- Leonard: It's incredible how one person can be so talented.
- Bartholomew: You're just jealous because you're so INCREDIBLY one-dimensional.
- Leonard: You mean I'm not bisexual?
- Bartholomew: Well, that's one area, yes.
- Josie: How is the dope business? I bet you two meet a lot of mafia celebrities in your line of work.
- Leonard: Oh, sure. Walk into any dealer's pad and there's one dead in the bathtub.
- Bartholomew: It's a good, clean living!