Lindsay Lohan credited as playing...
Ashley Albright
- Ashley Albright: Here we go again. Maggie you've known me since Seventh Grade, right? Okay, will you please tell her that I'm not lucky.
- Maggie: Well, you were voted prom queen at Franklin High.
- Ashley Albright: So?
- Maggie: We went to Jefferson!
- Madame Z: Look, did anything unusual happen at that party?
- Ashley Albright: Oh... Well besides the fact that I tore my dress, nearly choked to death, and the felony charges... no.
- Madame Z: Yikes! How about before that?
- Ashley Albright: Well, I mean, I kissed a cute guy, but... that's hardly unusual. Wait a second. You said I could lose it to someone else, right? So does that mean he took my luck from me?
- Madame Z: Maybe he needed it more than you.
- Ashley Albright: So he stole it? That little whack-kissing bandit! No, that is just my luck, okay? And you're going to help me and tell me how to get it back.
- Madame Z: Me? Well, let's see. Uh... If he took it from you with a kiss... Then it stands to reason...
- Ashley Albright: What?
- Jake Hardin: [sees Ashley put in one side of the light bulb] And she should've turned the light off because now she's going to be...
- Ashley Albright: [light sparks] AAAAAAAAAA!
- Jake Hardin: ...electrocuted.
- Jake Hardin: [catching Ashley as she falls backwards] Hi.
- Ashley Albright: [gasps] Oh, my God... Hi.
- Ashley Albright: Ever since this masquerade bash, it's like I'm the Anti-Midas, and everything I touch turns to crap.
- Party Detective: Ashley Albright?
- Ashley Albright: I'm afraid to say yes.
- Party Detective: You're under arrest.
- Ashley Albright: Is this about Sarah Jessica Parker's dress?
- Jake Hardin: Look, I know a job if you're looking for one.
- Ashley Albright: Really? What's the scam?
- Jake Hardin: No scam.
- Ashley Albright: Well, do you want me to join your religion or something?
- Jake Hardin: No, no religion stuff. It's just a job. You know, a bad job. Crummy pay for crummy hours.
- Ashley Albright: It still doesn't answer my question: What's the scam?
- Jake Hardin: Let's just say I know what it's like to be S.O.L.
- Ashley Albright: "S.O.L."?
- Jake Hardin: "Shit out of luck".
- Ashley Albright: What makes you think I'm S.O.L.? Just because I spilt the salt back there?
- Jake Hardin: [points to the "Wet Paint" sign on the bench that Ashley is sitting on] Yeah.
- Ashley Albright: [groans] Oh...
- Jake Hardin: Look, where you are now.... I've been there. Been there? I lived there. I was kinda the Mayor of there.
- [laughs]
- Jake Hardin: I'm Jake.
- Ashley Albright: Ashley. Oh, God.
- Jake Hardin: No, you got it.
- Ashley Albright: Oh, my gosh.
- Jake Hardin: Looks great on you.
- Ashley Albright: Can anything else... I mean, to be honest, I'm not really dressed for a job interview right now.
- Jake Hardin: For this one, I think you'll be fine.
- Ashley Albright: Okay.
- Jake Hardin: Want to check it out?
- Ashley Albright: Why are you so nice?
- Jake Hardin: What? Look, I mean, shit out of luck. That's my thing.
- Jake Hardin: Can I give you a ride?
- Ashley Albright: I only live twenty nine blocks from here.
- Jake Hardin: Uh, at least take my umbrella.
- Ashley Albright: I already have one.
- Jake Hardin: You know, I got a washer-dryer, uh... microwave popcorn, satellite T.V.
- Ashley Albright: No, I... I really shouldn't.
- Jake Hardin: Look, I don't do this for just anybody, but I'll even throw in some hot chocolate with those little tiny marshmallows.
- Ashley Albright: I love the little marshmallows.
- Jake Hardin: How about you toss the lighting rod and get in.
- Ashley Albright: Ooh...
- [sighs]
- Ashley Albright: Thank you.
- Ashley Albright: Dana, how's my 'scope?
- Dana: Leo, Leo... *tuts* Your moon is in Uranus.
- Dana: Ooo.
- Ashley Albright: Doesn't sound pretty.
- Ashley Albright: Jake... Jake is the guy I kissed at the masquerade bash.
- Dana: Uh-uh.
- Ashley Albright: Yes!
- Dana: No!
- Ashley Albright: Yes!
- Dana: No!
- Ashley Albright: Yes.
- Dana: Yes. That's great. He's hot.
- Ashley Albright: You don't understand. If I kiss Jake, it's hello fabulous carefree life.
- Dana: And that's a problem.
- Jake Hardin: So, other than, uh, you know getting zapped, how's the job working out?
- Ashley Albright: Oh, I can't complain.
- Jake Hardin: That's good.
- Ashley Albright: No, I mean, I'm literally not allowed to complain. I had to sign something.
- Ashley Albright: [finding a dress with her dry cleaning] This isn't mine.
- Dana: Who's is it?
- Ashley Albright: [reading the tag] Sarah Jessica Parker's.
- [Maggie screams]
- Dana: What?
- Ashley Albright: I'm not kidding.
- Maggie: I didn't know Sarah Jessica Parker lived in your building.
- Dana: Oh, my God. And look, it's Dolce.
- Ashley Albright: Oh, my gosh. I can return it tomorrow.
- Dana: Let me look. Ah, yes. Your size. What are the odds?
- Maggie: Don't be jealous.
- Ashley Albright: You know, this might actually look cute on me.
- Maggie: You can totally wear it tonight.
- Dana: I'm gonna need some chocolate now.
- Maggie: I'm gonna need some milk.
- Ashley Albright: I'm gonna try on the dress.
- Ashley Albright: [seeing a helicopter] I thought we were taking a jet.
- David Pennington: This takes us to the jet.
- Ashley Albright: Oh... This is definitely going in my diary.
- David Pennington: Hold it.
- [Ashley holds the elevator]
- David Pennington: Thanks.
- Ashley Albright: You're welcome.
- David Pennington: Promise you'll be there. Six o'clock.
- Ashley Albright: Okay. I'll be the red head that looks like this.
- Maggie: [after Jake kisses Ashley and takes away her good luck] Ashley, who was that?
- Ashley Albright: Umm... I honestly don't know.
- Maggie: You were just kissing that guy, you honestly don't know?
- Ashley Albright: Yeah, yeah.
- [the heel of Ashley's shoe snaps]
- Ashley Albright: Oh!
- Maggie: What?
- Ashley Albright: My shoe.
- Ashley Albright: [to Maggie] Oh... I never noticed. Is your cat all black?
- Maggie: Yeah. Why?
- Ashley Albright: Just curious. Well this is nice. We'll have fun. Everything's gonna be... Oh, my god.
- Dana: What?
- Ashley Albright: I have a zit. I have a zit. Girls, I have a zit!
- [Ashley's hair gets caught in the hair dryer and she smashes the bathroom window]
- Dana: Ash, are you okay in there?
- Ashley Albright: Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Dana: Ashley? Ash!
- [Ashley causes the lights in the entire building to blackout]