Josh Hartnett credited as playing...
Donald Morton
- Donald Morton: People with Asperger's want contact with other people very much; we're just pathetically clueless at it, that's all.
- Donald Morton: Turns out you can't control people.
- Donald Morton: Or even predict them.
- Donald Morton: Numbers are different.
- Donald Morton: As I used to say, you can count on them.
- Wallace: After everything she told me, and checking on your excellent record in college, I'm wondering why you choose to drive a taxi for a living.
- Donald Morton: At my interview with IBM after I graduated college, they asked me what my plans were, and I said, "Probably go to McDonalds for a 12-piece McNugget and two cheeseburgers, and then do my laundry."
- Wallace: Did they laugh, at least?
- Donald Morton: They smiled and said they'd call me. They didn't.
- Donald Morton: Excuse me. Do you know when the next bus, uh 217, runs?
- Man at bus stop: Sorry.
- Donald Morton: I'm chasing someone.
- Man at bus stop: By bus?
- Donald Morton: Well, it's important.
- Man at bus stop: Important enough to take the bus?
- Donald Morton: Yeah. My girlfriend left me because I wanted to get married and she wanted to stay just friends.
- Man at bus stop: Ah. The slower this chase, the better.
- Donald Morton: Yeah.
- Gregory: Can I give you some advice?
- Donald Morton: Can I humanly stop you?
- Gregory: Stick with the group. Compared to us, you're a god. And, uh, next to Isabelle, which you will *never* be again, you don't come off so hot.
- Isabelle Sorenson: All this time, and you didn't call.
- Donald Morton: I was gonna call.
- Isabelle Sorenson: You were?
- Donald Morton: Well just to tell you that I wasn't gonna call so that you wouldn't be aggravated, sitting around waiting and wondering when I was
- Isabelle Sorenson: gonna call?
- Donald Morton: Yeah. But in the end I figured that forcing myself into your life was probably not right. I would always do that. So the only nice thing I had left to give was just not to call.
- Isabelle Sorenson: I hated you for not calling. Because you were always gonna be there, and when you weren't, it was as if you didn't love me anymore.
- Donald Morton: So go home, I'll call ya.
- Isabelle Sorenson: Be my friend Donald, be my best friend, please, because I really need you. I always felt like you wanted us to get married or something.
- Donald Morton: I never said that.
- Isabelle Sorenson: Not with words. But instead of that, do you want to just be my friend?
- Donald Morton: Without the sex?
- Isabelle Sorenson: Without the pressure. My friendship is all I have to give. Do you want it?
- Isabelle Sorenson: Don't - don't condescend to these women, they're no crazier that I am.
- Gracie: Yes we are!
- Isabelle Sorenson: I'm weird, but I'm not strange.
- Donald Morton: You're right, this isn't a matter of confusion, it's a matter of... discord.
- [Inappropriate change of subject:]
- Donald Morton: That's a nice sweater!
- Isabelle Sorenson: You can kiss my self esteem butt, Donald Duck. Why tell your life story, and tell only the good parts?
- Donald Morton: It's Donald Morton.
- Isabelle Sorenson: You're missing my point!
- Donald Morton: No I'm not! I just - never know what to say.
- Donald Morton: Oh - All my life I felt like I was on the sidelines. Uh, watching the parade go by. When you're a whale, you are the parade.
- Janice: Can I give you some advice?
- Donald Morton: Can I humanly stop you?
- Janice: Stick with the group. Compared to us, you're a god. And, uh, next to Isabelle, which you will *never* be again, you don't come off so hot.
- [Donald calls Isabelle for the first time, but hangs up anxiously]
- Donald Morton: First time better to get a machine, don't you think?
- [Donald describes his technique of prime factorization]
- Isabelle Sorenson: Your process is very sexual.
- Donald Morton: Primes are hot.
- Donald Morton: I save things. Because you never know, you know.
- Isabelle Sorenson: You said your mom died. You did bury her?
- Donald Morton: Yeah.
- Isabelle Sorenson: Just checking.
- Donald Morton: You know how in the jungle, they say that some elephants have longer trunks and some of them have shorter ones. Yeah.
- Isabelle Sorenson: Well, I don't care how long the elephant's trunk is... as long as his dick's okay.
- [Donald comes in front of a car in a parking lot]
- Car driver: Trying to get yourself killed?
- Donald Morton: Maybe later.
- Isabelle Sorenson: I can't promise you the future Donald Duck. I don't know if this is for 2 days or 20 years.
- Donald Morton: Maybe it's something about us that's normal.