A young film student whose dreamed of making a movie his entire life sits in his writing chair and drops his head in disgust. A rejection letter falls to the floor. The seventh one this year and it's only April. He wheels over to the computer, logs into a chat room to discuss what's wrong with Hollywood. The rent is due.
A small waiting room packed with 20 or so. He stands in the corner and smiles. The others in the room don't faze him. He got a callback. All the sacrifices are finally paying off. This is his audition. He's ready. The intense method training, the workout, the teeth whitening...it's his day. It's only 3 lines, but it's the happiest day of his life.
A rap mogul sits by the pool. Bored with platinum records and clothing lines, he smokes a blunt and ponders his next project. "I know!" he exclaims, "We'll make a movie! All of us...well except Jigga. But all the rest of us!" A nameless groupie who normally doesn't speak interjects, "But Dame! Yaw can't act and outside of Scarface don't know much about good film-making." She stumbles on the last word realizing that it isn't her eloquence with words that keeps her around. "But if anybody can do it, you can!" She quickly recovers. He rebukes her insolence with a stare and continues," Once I get all the fellas together, N.O.R.E., Beans, Cam, Juelz, The Gunz, and my man Kanye it's ready! Lace everybody in RocaWear and State Property gear, (because the importance of saturated product placement is so much more important than a good story and can not be overstated) and just let them be themselves...well their rap images anyway! And one day, my grandkids' friends will sit and discuss with me the importance of my movie and how it impacted their lives, the same way Roots did for my Momma." The entourage sits quietly, reluctant to agree but eager to be on camera. Finally, they begin to stroke the ego of the man that picked up the tab for the last few years...and a piece of crap is made. It's an American Dream.
Fans of The Roc will support the movie and may even enjoy it. However, fans of movies and just plain logic may vomit. I'm hating again, aren't I? Too extreme? I'm sorry. I'll try again. The storyline was not that bad. A little comedy mixed with a little thuggin' almost made it decent. The complication came with the editing and the ridiculous amount of extra characters. I can think of epic battle scenes that didn't have as many people in it. And every time a new character was introduced there was a stop, flashback scene and voice-over before returning to the story. It happened too many times. If you don't already know who all the rappers are, you might find yourself confused as the story progresses.
And to add insult to the injuries of my feminist sympathies...The three main characters, Dame (Damon Dash), Beans (Beanie Sigel) and El Pollo Loco ( N.O.R.E.) are all three grossly overweight. But the women in the movie did not have a combined ounce of body fat between all of them. What are we saying here? The women have to be flawless, but the men get to look like big fat pigs? I've digressed. That's another discussion for another web page...
