John Hawkes credited as playing...
Richard Swersey
- Christine Jesperson: [seeing his bandage] Whoa, what happened?
- Richard Swersey: You want the short version or the long one?
- Christine Jesperson: The long one.
- Richard Swersey: I tried to save my life but it didn't work.
- Christine Jesperson: Wow. What's the short one?
- Richard Swersey: I burned it.
- Richard Swersey: I don't want to have to do this living. I just walk around. I want to be swept off my feet, you know? I want my children to have magical powers. I am prepared for amazing things to happen. I can handle it.
- Andrew: Dude, did you just give her the family discount?
- Richard Swersey: Yeah. She's my neighbor, and I'm trying to work on my karma. Do you know what karma means?
- Andrew: Yeah.
- Richard Swersey: It means that she owes me one.
- Richard Swersey: [carrying bowls of cereal] I thought we'd have breakfast for dinner. And then maybe sometime we'll have dinner for breakfast. Just to mix things up a little.
- Richard Swersey: When me and Pam were first in love, we hated to be apart even for an hour.
- Andrew: Oh yeah, I had something like that once. A real fuck-athon.
- Richard Swersey: No, we just slept. We loved to sleep when it was time to sleep. Not sex- we had sex, but what we really loved was to sleep like babies all day long.
- Andrew: That sounds perfect.
- Richard Swersey: We will never touch your foot with our hands. Now i'll tell you what I can do, I can press on the shoe to see if it fits. I can go like this.
- [presses the toe of the shoe]
- Sylvie's Mom: Kids are so adaptable.
- Sylvie: Am I adaptable?
- Sylvie's Mom: Yes.
- Richard Swersey: Yes, well, they have absolutely no control over their lives, so... But if things were reversed - you know, like that movie Freaky Friday - you can be sure Pam and I would be sent to our rooms for all our Friday. Yes, they would give us a time-out and tell us we could not come out until we had really thought about what we had done.
- [pause. Very soberly]
- Richard Swersey: What have we done?
- [pause]
- Richard Swersey: But... there are no time-outs, there's not enough time for... time-out.
- Richard Swersey: In some cultures, when you burn yourself, it's a ceremony. It's called self-immolation! My uncle used to do it all the time. It was a great trick! He'd put the stuff on it, light it, and it would just go out when he went like this.
- [moves bandaged hand back and forth]
- Richard Swersey: After I lit it, I suddenly remembered: It's alcohol that burns, but doesn't burn up. Lighter fluid just burns... and then I thought, "It's okay. It's better this way."
- Richard Swersey: Yeah, the "Ice Land" sign is halfway. It's the halfway point.
- Christine Jesperson: Ice Land is - It's kind of like that point in a relationship, you know, where you suddenly realize it's not going to last forever. You know, you can see the end in sight. Tyrone Street.
- Richard Swersey: Yeah, but we're not even there yet. We're still at the good part. We're not even sick of each other yet.
- Christine Jesperson: I'm not sick of you at all.
- Richard Swersey: You know some kids don't even have one home and now you get to have two. Think about that.
- Christine Jesperson: I mean, they kind of rub my ankles, but all shoes does that. I have low ankles.
- Richard Swersey: You think you deserve that pain, but you don't.
- Christine Jesperson: I don't think I deserve it.
- Richard Swersey: Well, not consciously maybe.
- Christine Jesperson: My ankles are just low...
- Richard Swersey: People think that foot pain is a fact of life, but life is actually better than that.
- Michael: I'll say. You should get some. Your whole life could be better. Just starting right now.
- Richard Swersey: [after taking off the bandage from his hand] It needs air. It needs to do some living. Let's take my hand for a walk.
- Robby: Mom says we have a chore wheel.
- Richard Swersey: What?
- Peter Swersey: Nothing.
- Robby: A chore wheel. You put chores on it and then you can spin it. There's this metal thing and it helps it to spin. It's spinning from the metal.