Marcia Cross credited as playing...
Bree Van De Kamp • Bree Hodge
- Bree: I love sex. I love everything about it: the sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then when you add friction. MMMmmmm. The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man's nipple ever so gently. And then there's the act itself; two bodies becoming one in that final eruption of pleasure. To be honest, the only thing I don't like about sex is the scrotum. I mean obviously it has its practical applications but I'm just not a fan.
- Rex: Look at you... going out?
- Bree: Not that it's any of your business, but I have a date.
- Rex: A date... what kind of date?
- Bree: Rex, I don't want to say anything that might upset you. The doctor said any more stress could cause another heart attack.
- [pause]
- Bree: It's a romantic date with a single, attractive man and I intend to french the hell out of him.
- Bree: [sighting down the P-08 Luger she has been given] George! This is so much better than an orchid!
- Danielle Van De Kamp: Why can't we ever have normal soups? Like French Onion, or Navy Bean?
- Bree Van De Kamp: Well, Danielle, your father is deathly allergic to onions, and I won't even dignify your *navy bean* suggestion with a response.
- Lynette: Hi. My baby-sitter cancelled.
- Bree: I've got millions of errands to run so...
- Lynette: Please hear me out, this is important. Today I have a chance to join the human race for a few hours - there are actual adults waiting for me with margaritas. Look, I'm in a dress, I have make-up on.
- Bree: If it were any other day?
- Lynette: Oh, for God's sake, Bree, I'm wearing pantyhose.
- Bree: [to Rex] When is your midlife crisis going to end, because it's really starting to tick me off!
- Bree: The photographer's asking if he can get shots of the two of us.
- Katherine Mayfair: Wait. I need to talk to you first.
- Bree: [Chuckles] I misunderstood the situation, that's all. Can we just leave it at that?
- Katherine Mayfair: No, we can't. And do you know why? Because I thought things were going well. I was having fun with you. Obviously... *I* misunderstood. So tell me, was there a straw that broke the camel's back? Or were you planning on killing me all along?
- Bree: Here's the thing you need to understand about me and my friends. We each have our niche. Gabrielle's the glamorous one, Susan's the adorable one, Lynette's smart, Edie's... Edie, and I am the domestic one, the organizer, the one that knows that there are three tines on a dessert fork. I'm the one who gets teased for that. That's who *I* am. And that's also who you are.
- Katherine Mayfair: So?
- Bree: So... I don't really know HOW to be friends with you.
- Katherine Mayfair: That's a shame, because I understand you better than all those other women do. I know how following the rules and all observing those little graces make you feel like you're in control. We've both had days where it was either set a beautiful table or curl up in a ball and die.
- [Tears welling in her eyes]
- Katherine Mayfair: We're the SAME, Bree. And if you think that means we can't be friends, then I'm sorry. But it might also mean we could be BEST friends.
- Bree: Okay, now I want you to hold the gun like you're holding a beautiful white dove. Hold it firmly enough that it can't get away, but not so firmly that you can kill it.
- Bree: Gabby, this is the way I see it, good friends offer to help in a crisis, great friends don't take no for an answer.
- George Williams: Where are you going Bree?
- Bree: I'm taking my champagne and ageing eggs and I'm going.