Superhero Movie (2008)

Christopher McDonald: Lou Landers

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rick Riker : [Rick sees that Lou is coughing blood]  Are you okay, Mr. Landers?

  Lou Landers : Oh, I'm fine, son. This is just healthy cough-blood!

• [after Aunt Lucille farts through Rick and Jill's conversation, Hourglass breaks through the window] 

  Hourglass : Sorry to drop in uninvited.

  Rick Riker : It's okay. We were hoping someone would open a window. It was getting stuffy in here.

• Dr. Strom : Unless you add some serelium! Then you could create a device powerful enough to draw the lifeforce out of thousands of people and enhance your own cellular capacity!

  Lou Landers : Strom, you're a genius!

  Dr. Strom : [being modest]  Wikipedia

• Lou Landers : [Lou Landers plots to steal cerillium from Hawkings' lab]  I could just walk right in.

  Dr. Strom : You're going to steal cerillium?

  Lou Landers : No, not me. But perhaps there's someone inside me. Someone who will at any cost... survive!

  [evil laugh, Lou picks up an hourglass and breaks it] 

  Lou Landers : Ow, ow! Glass in my eye! Glass in my eye!

• Lou Landers : [before death]  Oh fuck.

• Lou Landers : I've never been married.

  Jill Johnson : [hold up fruitcake]  Fruitcake?

  Lou Landers : No. Just haven't met the right woman.

• [Rick, Aunt Lucille, Jill, Lou and Lance are sitting down for their Thanksgiving dinner] 

  Lou Landers : [Lou looks at Rick's arm and sees a cut on it]  What happened to your arm?

  Rick Riker : Uh... A bike messenger knocked me down.

  Rick Riker : I see your wrist is bandaged.

  Lou Landers : Yes, I burned it on some hot coffee.

  Lou Landers : And you have a cut on your lip.

  Rick Riker : Uh... My crack pipe broke.

  Rick Riker : You have a scratch on your neck.

  Lou Landers : Yes, I met a girl on Craig's List.

  Lou Landers : And you have a bruise on your neck.

  Rick Riker : I met a guy on Craig's List.

  Lou Landers : I'm sorry Lance, but we have to go.

  Lance Landers : Why?

  Lou Landers : I... shot my pants.

  [Everyone looks at Lou in total shock] 

  Lance Landers : I'll drive.

• Lou Landers : What happened to your arm?

  Rick Riker : Oh. Um, a bike messenger knocked me down. I see your wrist is bandaged.

  Lou Landers : Yes, I burned it on some hot coffee, and you have a cut on your lip.

  Rick Riker : Um... my crack pipe broke. You have a scratch on your neck.

  Lou Landers : Yes, I, um... met a girl on Craigslist. And you have a bruise on *your* neck.

  Rick Riker : I... met a *guy* on Craigslist.

  Lou Landers : Sorry, Lance. We have to go.

  Lance Landers : Why?

  Lou Landers : I... shat my pants.

  Lance Landers : I'll drive.

• Lou Landers : Strom, do you have my test results?

  Dr. Strom : Yes, sir. Whatever you're doing to your... victims rejuvenates you, but only for 24 hours.

  Lou Landers : Hmm. What if I killed 28 people in one session? Would that give me a month to live?

  Dr. Strom : If it were February, yes, but only if your cells could absorb that much energy at once, and they can't. I'm afraid you have to kill each day to live each day.