Nathan Barley (2005)

Julian Barratt: Dan Ashcroft

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jonatton Yeah? : [after watching Nathan Barley's prank video] 

  [blank expression] 

  Jonatton Yeah? : That's hilarious and co.

  Rufus Onslatt : We should give Nathan Barley a column.

  Ned Smanks : Yeah, we should give Nathan Barley a column.

  Rufus Onslatt : Yeah like call it..."Nathan Barley's Column"?

  Ned Smanks : Hey, let's just call it "Barley", man.

  Rufus Onslatt : Yeah, man, or like "Nathan".

  Ned Smanks : Yeah, ?cause like, that could be like two columns.

  Dan : [sarcastic]  Two columns.

  Rufus Onslatt : Yeah, and like maybe one would be *better* than the other one.

  Ned Smanks : Yeah, yeah, and you? and you'd only read the good one.

  Dan : [impatient]  How would you tell which one was the good one?

  Ned Smanks : [dumbfounded] 

  [pauses] 

  Ned Smanks : Check 'em out. Direct comparison.

  Rufus Onslatt : Like, you'd read them both to find out which is the best one.

  Ned Smanks : Yeah, and then you'd just read the good one.

  Dan : [has lost patience] 

  [looks to Jonatton] 

  Dan : Are we gonna' do this?

  Jonatton Yeah? : Yeah? OK.

  Ned Smanks : [to Dan]  Take the day off!

  Rufus Onslatt : Can we go home early?

  Ned Smanks : I'm gonna' do laps, basically, after that.

• Dan : I am not a preacher man!

• Dan : [in bank applying for loan]  Twenty thousand pounds?

  Bank manager : [looks bemused]  Twenty thousand pounds?

  Dan : Yes.

  Bank manager : I don't think we can do that.

  Dan : [pauses] 

  [points to his paint-strewn, half cut hair] 

  Dan : Well ignore this. This isn't... you know. Eh... tried to sort this out this morning, but the barber couldn't finish because I killed his cat.

  [sighs] 

  Dan : Emm...

  Bank manager : You killed the barber's cat?

  Dan : By accident, yep. So, emm... so just, that's not me.

  [pause, and he leaves] 

• Dan : The idiots are winning.

• Dan : [Bad Job Interview]  Please! They ride around on little plastic bikes...