Nathan Barley (2005)

Richard Ayoade: Ned Smanks

Quotes 

• Ned Smanks : Keep it foolish!

• Jonatton Yeah? : [after watching Nathan Barley's prank video] 

  [blank expression] 

  Jonatton Yeah? : That's hilarious and co.

  Rufus Onslatt : We should give Nathan Barley a column.

  Ned Smanks : Yeah, we should give Nathan Barley a column.

  Rufus Onslatt : Yeah like call it..."Nathan Barley's Column"?

  Ned Smanks : Hey, let's just call it "Barley", man.

  Rufus Onslatt : Yeah, man, or like "Nathan".

  Ned Smanks : Yeah, ?cause like, that could be like two columns.

  Dan : [sarcastic]  Two columns.

  Rufus Onslatt : Yeah, and like maybe one would be *better* than the other one.

  Ned Smanks : Yeah, yeah, and you? and you'd only read the good one.

  Dan : [impatient]  How would you tell which one was the good one?

  Ned Smanks : [dumbfounded] 

  [pauses] 

  Ned Smanks : Check 'em out. Direct comparison.

  Rufus Onslatt : Like, you'd read them both to find out which is the best one.

  Ned Smanks : Yeah, and then you'd just read the good one.

  Dan : [has lost patience] 

  [looks to Jonatton] 

  Dan : Are we gonna' do this?

  Jonatton Yeah? : Yeah? OK.

  Ned Smanks : [to Dan]  Take the day off!

  Rufus Onslatt : Can we go home early?

  Ned Smanks : I'm gonna' do laps, basically, after that.

• Rufus Onslatt : [hollers]  Dan Ashcroft! "The Rise of the Idiots". Awesome fuckin' opinions, dude.

  Ned Smanks : Yeah, well plastic.

  Rufus Onslatt : Laterz, dude.

  Ned Smanks : Keep it foolish.

• Nathan Barley : [narating for his online video blog]  This is the Promo party for the launch of Sugar Ape's "Vice Issue". "The Bat" was down here for boobs, tubes and pubes. This is Nathan Barley for "Trashbat".

  [introduces] 

  Nathan Barley : Ned Smanks, Rufus Onslatt: Sugar Ape Crew! So what's the fuckin' contact?

  Rufus Onslatt : Well right yeah. Well the idea, yeah, was to make it look like these models are being molested in a magazine office.

  Ned Smanks : When actually that's not what was *really* happening.

  Rufus Onslatt : Yeah, only coz' they were all in on it, yeah, it isn't.

  Ned Smanks : 'Cept coz' we were actually fucking them, it *kind* of is.

  Nathan Barley : Yeah, yeah, I touched two of 'em.

  [laughs moronically]