Justin Bartha credited as playing...
Ace
- Ace: Point is, my friend, you are afraid of love.
- Tripp: Bullshit. No, no, no, man. I'm not afraid of love. I love love. Look, I've had a lot of girlfriends, right? And sometimes I'm the rebound guy; other times, when I get lucky, I'm the explore-new-areas-of-your-sexuality guy; but, every single time, we have fun. Thank you. I have fun, they have fun; it's good for me, it's good for them, and I would argue that it's damn good for civilization as a whole.
- Tripp: Dude, did you just drop me from a forty-foot cliff? I mean, you want to talk about a friend, man. You went behind my back and blackmailed your way into getting your girlfriend.
- Demo: He's right.
- Ace: I'm sorry I dropped you from a cliff.
- Tripp: It's okay.
- Demo: Granted, he used you, but not out of malice. Look at him. How many chances is he gonna get? He saw a chance for love, Tripp, and he took it, which is exactly what we wanted for you.
- Tripp: Am I getting advice from my two loser buddies who still live at home?
- Ace: Actually, I own my home.
- Demo: What?
- Tripp: No, you don't.
- Ace: I bought it a couple of years ago from my Mom. That way, she has a place to live and I don't get nailed on the inheritance tax.
- Demo: Smart.
- Tripp: Wow.
- Ace: And Demo, here, has chosen the life of a wanderer. I mean, sure, he technically still lives at home.
- Demo: Yeah.
- Ace: But his permanent address is in his heart. He's a bum.
- Demo: I think what we're trying to say is that the two of us are happy, and we're perfectly functional.
- Ace: And you, Tripp, are not.
- Tripp: I do sleep well at night.
- Ace: On a twin bed, with Superman sheets that you've had since you were six.
- Demo: As opposed to you, who sleeps in a King-sized bed in your mother's basement.
- Ace: It's orthopedic, and I need it. And at least I'm not sponging off my parents so I can afford to get laid on every continent.
- Demo: Whoa, whoa... I'm a ramblin' man, I'm a tumble weed, I'm a seeker of truth! And one truth I've learned - a child is a parent's greatest joy, which is why I can't leave my parents' place, because... because they would miss me!
- Tripp: It's over. She gotta go.
- Ace: You're dumping Paula?
- Demo: What happened?
- Tripp: Same thing that always happens. Everything is going along nice and smooth, we're having a good time, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere - whoap! - she gets serious. I hate to say it, boys, but it is time to take the girl home.
- Ace: Okay, how about this? We send flowers to Paula from Tripp, and, flowers to Tripp from Paula.
- Al: Then what?
- Ace: Then, they love each other.
- Kit: Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Ace: [Whispering to Jeffrey] It's the flowers.
- Jeffrey: [Drops cookie, looking stunned]
- Sue: Thank you Philip. Now let's all try to come up with a plan that's not so idiotic.