Richard Steven Horvitz credited as playing...
Orthopox • Suburban Crazy
- Orthopox: [in the Mothership, if left idle] Well, it's your electric bill. You could have thought to turn the console off. Haven't you ever heard of global warming?
- Orthopox: [in the Mothership, if left idle] Oh don't mind me, I'm only a fictional character in a simulated universe, after all. I have nothing better to do, really. I'm just made up of a bunch of electrons floating around your console, and a few hundred kilobytes of data stored on your DHS disk...
- [shouts]
- Orthopox: Don't pay any attention to meeee!
- Suburban Crazy: I heard that the dolphins are doing a good job contacting the extraterrestrials. I heard that from the mice!
- Cryptosporidium: [to Orthopox] You're a smart cookie. But there's a time for thought and a time for action! And this is one of those times!
- Orthopox: Which?
- Cryptosporidium: The second one!
- Orthopox: This human "Whither" says the President will appear before his subjects today. This "President" must be more integral to their social society than I expected. I have noticed a significant increase of activity surrounding the White House.
- Cryptosporidium: Right, just tell me where he is and what he looks like.
- Orthopox: I... er... the mothership's tracking system is broken. I think he uses those convoys of long black vehicles for transit.
- Cryptosporidium: You think?
- Orthopox: I can't exactly pinpoint the President from orbit, Crypto. It's not as if he walks around with a big red arrow over his head. I need you follow those vehicles so we can identify him!
- Sleepy Ernst: Soon I'll prove the human mind can be controlled by televised propaganda and then I'll start my own cable news network! Where the heck are those Majestic Agents? America ain't gonna brainwash itself!
- Orthopox: We cannot allow Sleepy Ernst to turn humanity into his own supply of science guinea-pigs! They should be OUR guinea-pigs! Vaporise him Crypto!
- Orthopox: Quick, he's heading to the white building! No, the OTHER white building! The one with the tall, ugly fellow with the beard! I think he's Amish or something!
- Cryptosporidium: Man, I love the smell of presidential brains in the morning.
- Orthopox: Just shut up and remember who set that presidential foetus of destruction upon you!
- Cryptosporidium: Riiight...
- Orthopox: You know who I mean.
- Cryptosporidium: Oh, that Silhouette guy, right? Or chick?
- Orthopox: Would you do me a favor and NOT creep me out?
- Cryptosporidium: Sure.
- Orthopox: Crypto, it's an ambush! Circle the wagons! Throw me a shotgun! Get the womenfolk inside! Oh... I must stop watching human television. Ah, screw it. Destroy them all!
- Orthopox: Now that their President is dead, the human senators are voting for a new President and the vote is agonisingly close!
- Cryptosporidium: Doesn't the Vice President automatically become President?
- Orthopox: Just shut up and kill those senators before they get to the Capitol!
- Suburban Crazy: So there were these astronauts on a star trek in a galaxy far, far away, but they turned out to be DAMN DIRTY APES! YOU MANIACS!
- Orthopox: [in the Mothership, if left idle] Take a step outside the Mothership. There's a whole planet filled with humans just waiting to be stepped on!
- Orthopox: [referring to zombie cows] They must have gathered them for study. Can't imagine what they hope to learn.
- Orthopox: Now then, I know what you're thinking: what can I, a lowly novice, do to help bring about the destruction of Earth and the inevitable reign of the Furon Empire? Well, I'll tell you. It was in the earliest days of the empire we realized our species was doomed. Eons of waging war on inferior races with unregulated atomic weaponry had mutated our genes. We could not propagate due to a complete and utter lack of genitalia. Fortunately, a Furon ship happened upon Earth on its way back from destroying the Martians. Human society was young and... nubile. Sailors on a foreign planet, letting off steam, one thing led to another. Long story short: every human being alive today has buried deep in his genetic code a strand of Furon DNA. Over the eons, we've learned to clone ourselves, but with each iteration, the information degrades, and the results are increasingly... unpredictable. The Furon genes in humanity's DNA are ancient, uncorrupted. They represent the future of the Furon race. If only we can get at them...
- Orthopox: What we need to do is find the dumbest most malleable human in the area. Admittedly, the competition will be fierce. You'll just have to scan them all!