Larry the Cable Guy: Larry
Quotes
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Amy Butlin : Larry, when are you gonna inspect your own health? We can't lose you to this. Last year, 2000, we lost your Momma and Poppa to that gravy injection tragedy. I don't want to lose you in the year 2001!
Larry : It's alright honeysuckle. I will be a-okay, and then we will all be together once again, and maybe I'll install some cable. I am still doing the annual gravy injection this year, I gotta support my departed folks, you understand.
Dex Phartzhorny : Larry, bad news. President Wang has got a couple terrorists on the line. They're talking about an attack in NYC in September this year, and they need you to disguise yourself as a health inspector to get on a flight and take down the terrorist first.
Larry : Them yankees are too busy sucking on their coffees and looking at their cellphones to get serious about our freedoms, man, and I will give them terrorist taliban son's of bitches what for! Nobody messes with the U.S.A! Hey terrorists, tonight the cable is free!
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Larry : You're not gonna believe this, but there's a snow cone vendor out there not wearing a bra.
Amy Butlin : Is that a violation?
Larry : No, but it makes me want to get a snow cone.
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Larry : On one hand, Kid Rock wants to take me fishing. On the other, I have Jane, who's a real woman, who wants to get naked with me in a biblical way.
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Larry : That'll go down faster than a bottle of Vicodin at Courtney Love's house.
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Larry : She was so ugly, she coulda trick or treated over the telephone.
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Bart Tatlock : Butlin!
Amy Butlin : You called me in, sir?
Larry : You gotta be kiddin' me. First I lose my promotion to the pissed off crippled feller that's only been here three weeks and now you expect me, a man of my tenure, to work with a dadgum boy?
Amy Butlin : I'm Amy... Butlin.
Larry : So your parents gave you a girly name to toughen you up? I like that.
Amy Butlin : I've been, uh, very eager to be part of a collaboration ever since I graduated from the academy, I really want to get out on the field and prop...
Larry : [farts loudly, interrupts Butlin, waves his hand to make sure the fart goes away and reaches for Butlin's hand, farts again]
Larry : [to Butlin] You ever fart so loud your back cracks?
[laughs]
Larry : Oh man, I gotta get out of here. Lord Jesus and Dale Earnheardt, Jr, I'm a dadgum tickin' time bomb!
Amy Butlin : That's my partner? Seriously?
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Jane Whitley : Nice Rod, Larry.
Larry : [to himself] She said "Rod."
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Larry : Ms. Macechelli was dilling his pickle
Jane Whitley : Dilling his pickle?
Larry : Chucking his corn.
Amy Butlin : Chucking his corn?
Larry : Trimming his tree.
Jane Whitley : Trimming his tree?
Larry : Branching his limb.
Amy Butlin : Branching his limb?
Larry : Oh, I can do this all day.
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Larry : He's going down faster than a bottle of vodka in Courtney Love's house.
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Bart Tatlock : The city is being sued for a damaged coccyx.
Larry : [laughing]
Bart Tatlock : You think this is funny?
Larry : No. I am crying on the inside, okay.