- Jensen: I'm warning you, I am a lethal killing machine. It was a secret government experiment. They did stuff to me. Spooky stuff... Anal stuff. It turned me into a dangerous telekinetic. As the ancient Tibetan Philosophy states "Don't start none, won't be none!"
- Jensen: [Aisha has the Losers in a Mexican standoff] Ohhhh... shit. She's got a gun and... it's pointed at my dick. Clay, it's pointed at my dick!
- Pooch: Would you rather it was pointed at your face?
- Jensen: I know it makes no sense, but yes!
- [Aisha points her gun at Jensen's face]
- Pooch: Better?
- Jensen: Not really...
- Clay: Where's your gun, Jensen?
- Jensen: It's in the van.
- Clay: What's it doing there?
- Jensen: Not... much.
- [Aisha rolls her eyes]
- Roque: Will you two shut up?
- Jensen: Well, what if it was pointed at YOUR dick?
- [Aisha shoots Jensen in the arm]
- Jensen: [women are looking at Jensen, who is undressed in an elevator] So... you, uh, ladies liking the angle of the dangle?
- Roque: Think you're thinking clear on this? Huh? 'Cuz every time we mess up, it's because of a woman.
- Clay: Name one time that I...
- Roque: Amber.
- Clay: Amber wasn't the problem, Amber's husband was the problem.
- Pooch: Amber's husband wasn't the one who shot you.
- Clay: It was only in the leg.
- Jensen: What about Emma?
- Clay: Emma doesn't count. I didn't sleep with Emma.
- Roque: No, because she put a bomb in your car!
- Clay: All right, I admit - that did take a little of the romance out of it.
- Aisha: [as their chopper is sprayed with .50 caliber machine gun fire] WHOA! I though you said small arms weren't a problem.
- Pooch: That look like small arms to you? Huh? That's a cannon.
- Aisha: Doughnut.
- Pooch: That's a CANNON!
- Aisha: Doughnut doughnut DOUGHNUT!
- [Both scream as they graze a Dunkin' Donuts sign]
- Aisha: Are you SURE you've done this before?
- Pooch: Okay. Right now? Not the time. Not the time right now.
- Clay: Pooch, what's your status?
- Pooch: Well, I'm completely irritated and possibly crashing.
- Max: It's like giving a handgun to a six-year-old, Wade - you don't know how it's gonna end, but you're pretty sure it's gonna make the papers.
- Vikram: [after his former boss had been thrown off a roof] Thank you for agreeing to meet us on a short structure.
- Jensen: [describing a CIA heroin smuggling operation] So they're selling shit to the American people to raise money to protect the American people from the guys they produce the shit they're selling them in the first place. This is fucked up on so many levels, man...
- Pooch: All right, look. We're not going anywhere until you two squash this bullshit.
- Clay: Pooch, we're on a schedule here. Let's go.
- Pooch: [imitating Clay] Oh, "we're on a schedule?"
- [Yanks the keys out the ignition, looks pointedly at Clay and Roque]
- Clay: [sighs] Roque... I'm sorry I hit you in the face.
- Pooch: [laughing] Oh. That was good. That was good. Roque? ROQUE?
- Roque: Clay... I'm sorry I threatened to cut your head off.
- Pooch: VERY good! Wow. Don't you two feel so much better?
- Clay, Roque: [in unison] NO.
- Pooch: I don't give a shit. I say we go watch Jensen get himself killed, yeah?
- Vikram: Do you have the money?
- Max: Jesus! Always with the money. "Hi, how are ya? How've you been? Namaste?
- Vikram: I recently attended the funeral of my best friend, who you had thrown off a roof. How have *you* been?
- Max: I can't complain. Actually, I'm thinking about getting a satellite radio for my car.
- [looks at Vikram's fellow scientist]
- Max: God, you ARE short. Seriously, how much do you weigh? Are you standing in a hole?
- Vikram: We have your ordinances.
- Max: All righty. Let's make a cash withdrawal, and
- [in bad Hindu accent]
- Max: Who wants to be a billionaire?
- Jensen: Clay, we've got a situation here. I'm looking at a giant vibrating Easter egg from Hell, and no Max.
- Aisha: I was born in a desert place. War was my only mother. As a child, I moved through the battlefield and slit the throats of screaming Russian boys. I firebombed my first tank when I was twelve years old and machine-gunned the crew as they fled, burning.
- [first lines]
- Cougar: Sorry, I just can't give you that kind of information. I'll do anything else. I just can't do that. I can't betray my country. I won't. This country gave me everything.
- Cougar: Oh, God! Just keep him away from me. Please! Don't let him near me. Oh, no! Oh, God!
- Pooch: Come on, baby. Just relax into it. Let Godzilla do his thing.
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