Aron Kincaid: Killer Croc • Waylon Jones

Almost Got 'im

Killer Croc • Waylon Jones

Two-Face: Poison Ivy.
Poison Ivy: It's been a long time, Harvey. You're still looking around halfway decent.
Two-Face: Half of me wants to strangle ya.
Poison Ivy: And what does the other half want?
Two-Face: To hit ya with a truck.
Poison Ivy: We used to date.
The Joker, The Penguin, Killer Croc: Ah.

The Penguin: So, I hear You-Know-Who nailed The Mad Hatter last week...
The Joker: No kidding! He sure gets around for one guy.
Two-Face: Yeah, well, that's where you're wrong. I don't think it is one guy.
Killer Croc: Huh?
Two-Face: The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of them stashed someplace, like a S.W.A.T. team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but...
The Joker: Ah, you're always seeing double.
The Penguin: It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face.
The Joker: Sure, he could be all gross and disgusting under that mask!
[Dent, who was adding cream to his coffee, crushes the carton]
The Joker: Uh, no offense, Harv.
Two-Face: Just deal...
Killer Croc: Well, you know what I think?
The Joker: Not the robot theory again...
Killer Croc: Well, he could be.

Killer Croc: You'd think one of us would've got 'im by now...
The Penguin: I've come the closest.
Poison Ivy: Are you kidding? I was the one who nearly...
Two-Face: [pounds the table] Nobody's come closer to stopping the Batman than ME!
[a squabble breaks out, which the Joker ends with a whistle]
The Joker: The fact is each of us has their own "almost got 'im" story to tell...

Two-Face: [finishing his "almost got him" Batman story] ... And if it weren't for this blasted coin... I would have got him.
The Joker: Gee, that's too bad, Harv, but I guess you'll always come in second. Anybody else want to go?
Killer Croc: [hits the table] ME! There I was, holed up in this quarry, when Batman came nosing around. He was getting closer... Closer...
Poison Ivy: And...?
Killer Croc: I threw a rock at him!
[everyone stares in dead silence]
Poison Ivy: So, Harvey, what became of the giant penny?
Killer Croc: It was a big rock...
Two-Face: They actually let him keep it!

Killer Croc: Hey, I don't get it. You just knocked out Catwoman and left her?
The Joker: Ah, c'mon, Crockers, didn't I say there's more than one way to get someone? Even as I speak, Catwoman is being trussed up at the Pussykins Pet Food Factory. First thing tomorrow I'm sending a lovely case of cat food to Batman. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Killer Croc: I don't think so!
[Croc tosses Joker to a nearby table]
The Joker: [weakly] Was it something I said?
[the villains take a closer look at Croc, and realise it's Batman]

Two-Face: Whose deal is it?
The Penguin: Mine. I find your middling machinations mildly diverting. But, for sheer criminal genius, none surpasses my most recent ornithologically-inspired entoilment.
The Joker: Smaller words, please. You're losing Croc.
Killer Croc: [Confused] Uhhh...