Joel Hodgson credited as playing...
Joel Robinson
- Joel: We'll be right back after this important message. Hey, kids!
- Tom Servo, Joel, Crow T. Robot: [commercial jingle starts] We're Wiiiiild Rebels! Crunchy, fruity rebels! Pouring milk on them is like shooting off a gun!
- Joel: It's Wild Rebels Cereal, the nutritious cereal that's like getting hit in back of the head with a surfboard of flavor!
- Tom Servo: Look! Marshmallow Fattys!
- Crow T. Robot: Sugary Lindas!
- Joel: I got tangy, twangy Banjos!
- Tom Servo: Crunchy oat Rods!
- Crow T. Robot: And Jeeters, too! Die, Jeeter, die!
- Magic Voice: [music stops] Kids? What are you doing in there?
- Tom Servo, Joel, Crow T. Robot: Having a good breakfast, mom.
- Tom Servo: [music starts again] Pour on the milk! One, two! One, two, three, four!
- Tom Servo, Joel, Crow T. Robot: Wiiiild Rebels! Bunchy, crunchy rebels! Don't bust your teeth on something sweet and hard!
- Joel: Wild Rebels Cereal, part of this complete breakfast.
- Crow T. Robot: Hey, there's a cheap surprise inside!
- Joel: I got a gun!
- Tom Servo: I got a sawed-off pool cue with a leather strap!
- Crow T. Robot: I got a chunk of hose filled with lead shot!
- Tom Servo: All right, let's take it home!
- Tom Servo, Joel, Crow T. Robot: They won't get soft or squishy! Better eat 'em, or you're a sissy! Just pound 'em down, you stupid clown, they're WIIIIILD!
- Joel: Wild Rebels Cereal. Just eat 'em.
- [after Linda points a gun at the gun shop owner]
- Joel: [as Linda] Ahem, I'd like to return these bullets to their original owner.
- Tom Servo: Gosh, Joel, that biker guy sure is sleazy, but boy, what a vocabulary!
- Crow T. Robot: Yeah, he's quite eloquent for a piece of lowlife scum.
- Joel: Oh, well, you guys might be surprised to find out that a lot of the great thinkers of this century actually rode in motorcycle gangs. In fact, I've got a few drawings...
- Crow T. Robot: Oh, don't tell me, you've prepared a presentation using artists' renderings.
- Joel: Right. You know, you read me like a book. And anyone who reads a lot of books will know who the Algonquin Round Table was.
- Tom Servo: Well, of course! Alexander Wolcott, George S. Kaufman, Robert Benchley, Dorothy Parker...
- Joel: Right! Well, I've got this drawing here... bring it in a little bit, Cambot. Here's the group, here's their gang. It's called "Satan's Sardonics." Now, these guys terrorized the whole East Coast until one day they were unexpectedly wiped out in a rumble with the cast of "What's My Line?"
- Crow T. Robot: Wow, I guess that Bennett Cerf is tougher than people thought!
- Joel: Yeah! Now, when you think of a tough, macho writer who writes in a tense, hard-boiled style, who do you think of?
- Tom Servo: Uh... Truman Capote?
- Joel: Exactly! See? His gang, "Oscar's Wilde Ones" - they were leather boys - were all the rage until Norman Mailer's gang, "Hell's Egos," mixed it up with Gore Vidal's gang, "The Vidal Sassoons."
- Crow T. Robot: Boy, sounds pretty messy! "If they don't look good, we don't look good!"
- Joel: Yeah, there was gel and mousse for miles around. The carnage didn't end until they all joined forces and finally beat up... Dick Cavett.