Mark Ruffalo credited as playing...
- Stephen: Have at thee, you ham-headed bastards!
- Stephen: The perfect con is one where everyone involved gets just what they wanted.
- Stephen: You were the only audience I ever needed.
- Stephen: [Opening a gate at the zoo] Is this the bathroom? Nnnnno. This is camels.
- Stephen: I'm not thrilled they set this in Mexico. There could be legitimate reasons, but Mexico's- and I don't like to simplistically vilify an entire country- but Mexico's a horrible place.
- Stephen: That's my new favorite camel.
- Stephen: I have at different times in my life, sold sand to an Arab and ice to an Eskimo.
- Stephen: The score to beat is 7.9. Keep your head in the game, that Japanese judge is very tough.
- Bloom: This is a banana seat, man.
- [Stephen and Bang Bang stare at him]
- Bloom: Don't give me that blank look. You know what a goddamn banana seat is.
- [repeated line]
- Stephen: Tastes like tinfoil.
- Bloom: I can't wake up next to another stranger, who thinks they know me, or even wants to know me, cause I don't know - who - I'm thirty five years old, and I, I'm useless, I'm crippled, I don't, I've only ever lived life through these roles that aren't me, that are written for me by you.
- Stephen: Tell me what you want.
- Bloom: Why? So you can write me a role in a story where I get it? You're not listening to me. I want a real... thing, I wanna do things how I don't know are gonna work out, a-I, want, a...
- Stephen: You want an unwritten life.
- Stephen: See, you've reached an unethical conclusion. You think you want out, but you don't. One last con.
- Bloom: Where are we going?
- Stephen: New Jersey.
- Bloom: ...I'll get my coat...
- Stephen: In my story you don't get the money, or the sunset, or the girl.
- Stephen: [about the Curator] Penelope, do you know our friend?
- Stephen: Only as the creepy Frenchman.
