Den sorte Madonna

All the best actors in Denmark cannot save this stinker. The script is inept, trying to be funny. It comes across phony and heavy handed, it's amateur night.

Americans can make low intelligence one-liners work. Lasse Spang Olsen cannot. The action is contrived, like children's efforts to imitate what they see in American action movies. It is obvious the director is impressed with himself ... I'm not.

It makes you cry to watch top actors like Nicolas Bro, Morten Grunwald and Ole Thestrup humiliate themselves with this dumb script and dialog.

And the boy-meets-girl theme is so flat trodden that it competes with the one-liners to kill the film. Your stomach turns when the sticky piano theme spells out the point.

Danish film magic reaches high levels in Flickering Lights, Rembrandt, The Green Butchers, Adams Apples using much the same actors. Use your precious time on those masterpieces. The Black Madonna is an embarrassment in comparison.