Even though I'm not a big fan of mockumentaries, ( I prefer pure fiction or pure documentary, the mix is often neither fish nor fowl ), I had somewhat high hopes for this. But what can I say? I understand the reasoning behind the film; to give us a matter-of-factly view into the motives and actions of your next-door cannibal, contrast his unspeakable deeds and grotesque philosophical musings with his more mundane everyday-activities, and out of these contrasts horror shall grow. And often this recipe works very well, perhaps because this is so close to reality, many serial killers are often unassuming and tedious in their sheepish guise, the type nobody would suspect to be a killer. The film that comes closest to Long Pigs is of course Man Bites Dog, but in that film everything works and the end-product is a diamond.In Long Pigs on the other hand this approach doesn't work at all, and what you are left with is a boring man's life spiced up with a couple of scenes of slaughter for good measure. You know something is wrong when two thirds of the film is a yawn-fest of smalltalk, and one third is spent on the actual deeds. And even the sections of slaughter doesn't really convey any sense of menace and horror, fair enough the special effects are great ( hence the three stars ), but I could just as well have enjoyed an episode of Hell's Kitchen, at least there you get a certain sense of dread. Here, on the other hand, it is non- existing, and that, in a horror-film is a mortal sin. If you want a brilliant mockumentary, watch Man Bites Dog, if you want a proper cookery-class, watch Cannibal Holocaust or Cannibal. Avoid this snoozer.
