Kat Cressida: Computer

Spider-Man: Friend or Foe

Computer

[the Computer is activated and the computer screen turns on]
Computer: Mission briefing software online. Welcome, Colonel Fury. Welcome, Spider-Man.
Spider-Man: Uh... Hi? Should I talk to the computer?
Nick Fury: Only if you want to irritate me.
Computer: I appreciate the attention.

Nick Fury: Computer, load up the meteor situation report.
[an image appears on the screen of a meteor storm in outer space and they pass by Earth]
Nick Fury: A while back, a meteor storm passed through our corner of the galaxy.
Computer: Trajectory Alpha seven three.
[one meteor rock heads down to Earth]
Nick Fury: Now most of those space rocks went racing right on by Earth. But one crashed down.
[the screen shows an image of the meteor crash-landing in New York]
Computer: Tracking impact locale.
Nick Fury: Right in the middle of Manhattan.
Computer: Impact location. Forty degrees, forty seven minutes north; seventy three degrees, fifty eight minutes west.
Nick Fury: Two guesses what hitched a ride on that meteor.
Spider-Man: Venom.
[an image of Venom appears on the screen]
Computer: Venom: symbiotic lifeform of unknown alien origin.

Nick Fury: But that's not the worst part.
Spider-Man: It gets worse than Venom?
Computer: Worse is a relative term. Venom is only a rating seven of ten on a scale of terrible ways to die.
Nick Fury: See, that meteor shower he was a part of...
[Nick Fury is interrupted as an image appears on the screen of a wasp with a rocket launcher strapped to its back]
Computer: As a means of comparison, some selections from level eight include wasps with laser-guided...
Nick Fury: Computer, put a sock in it!

Nick Fury: As I was saying, that meteor shower that Venom was part of...
[the screen shows an image of a meteor heading to Earth]
Nick Fury: One of the meteors went into low Earth orbit and bounced across the atmosphere like a stone on water. But as it went, it broke apart into smaller shards.
[an image appears of the world and of the five meteor shards' landing sites]
Computer: Meteor shard landing sites. Tokyo, Japan. Tangaroa Island. Cairo, Egypt. Stokerstov, Transylvania. And Alberna, Nepal.
Nick Fury: We've tracked the various pieces to their landing sites, but before we could move in to collect them, these nasty pieces of work started showing up.
[an image of a PHANTOM monster appears on the screen]
Computer: Perpetual Holographic Avatar Nano Tech Offensive Monster, or PHANTOM.
Spider-Man: You guys have a department just for acronyms, don't you?
Nick Fury: PHANTOMS aren't biological. They're a mix of solid light holographic technology and the symbiote substance found in the meteors.
Spider-Man: Somebody's making monsters that use the symbiote goo? That's just great!

Nick Fury: Computer, show us what we've got on Japan.
[a map of Japan appears on the computer screen]
Computer: In 1603, the Tangogawa shogun instituted a long period of iso...
Nick Fury: Computer, a bit more *recent* history, please.
[an image of a robotic, Godzilla-sized Sumo wrestler appears in a Japanese city and destroys buildings as it breathes fire at it]
Nick Fury: I have access to your "off" switch, Computer.
Computer: Of course you do.

[a map appears of Japan and shows an image of the meteor shard's crash landing in Tokyo]
Computer: Impact point. Thirty five degrees, forty-one minutes north. One hundred and thirty nine degrees, forty six minutes east.
Nick Fury: Spider-Man, we tracked the first meteor, but it was retrieved and taken somewhere in Tokyo. Complicating matters are sightings of a couple of old friends of yours.
[an image of Green Goblin appears on the computer screen]
Computer: Threat identity: Green Goblin. Green Goblin is equipped with an arsenal of razor bats and pumpkin bombs. Warning: Approach with caution.
Spider-Man: Well, there's the understatement of the year.
[an image of Doctor Octopus appears on the computer screen]
Computer: Threat identity: Doc Ock. Doc Ock is a genius of technological science. Warning: May be dangerous.
Spider-Man: No, wait. *There's* the understatement of the year.

Computer: Warning. Additional scans of local media, police vans and screaming in streets indicates high concentration of PHANTOM activity. PHANTOMS present have estimated symbiote index of five percent of maximum.
Spider-Man: Well, sounds like I should go down there.
Nick Fury: Hold up. There's one more bit of information. There's an operative in the area. Cat burglar by trade, but she sports a heart of gold.
[an image of Black Cat appears on the computer screen]
Computer: Agent identity: Black Cat. Wielding a grappling hook as a weapon, she is a dangerous and agile combatant.
Nick Fury: She might be willing to lend a hand if you bump into her.
Spider-Man: So, to review: Crazy hologram monsters, crazy bad guys, lost meteor shard and incredibly attractive cat burglar.
Nick Fury: That's it in a nut shell. Good luck down there.
[the computer screen goes blank]

[the Computer screen switches on]
Computer: Briefing software active. Sense of humor, offline.
Spider-Man: Excuse me?
Nick Fury: Computer was getting a little uppity, so I pulled a couple of chips.
[a map of Tangaroa Island appears on the Computer screen]
Computer: Tangaroa Island. Once believed mythical, this island at latitude four point eight one five and longitude a hundred and sixty two point three four two is mostly unexplored.
Nick Fury: So far, we know this meteor shard hasn't been snatched yet. But there's still a pretty good deal of PHANTOM activity in the area. We sent someone in to retrieve the meteor shard, but we lost radio contact within twenty-four hours ago.
[an image of Iron Fist appears on the Computer screen]
Computer: Agent identity: Iron Fist. There is nothing funny about this name. Iron Fist is a master of the K'un L'un martial arts. His costume is not funny.
Nick Fury: Clearly, I need to unhook some sarcasm circuits, too.
Spider-Man: Oh, come on! Just give the poor thing its sense of humor back!
[after a brief pause, an image of the SHIELD bird emblem appears on the screen]
Computer: Sense of humor reactivated.
[stars drop down onto the screen and a red-and-white striped party hat drops and lands on the head of the SHIELD bird emblem]
Computer: Thank you, Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: Computer, are the PHANTOMS on the island the same as what we saw in Tokyo?
Computer: Last report from agent Iron Fist identified a nine percent symbiote index in all encountered PHANTOMS.
Nick Fury: Computer, if you think you can behave yourself, please load up the villain profiles.
[an image of Scorpion appears on the Computer screen]
Computer: Threat identity: Scorpion. Scorpion's suit is equipped with a high-powered plasma laser. Warning: has a big tail!
Nick Fury: *Computer*...
[an image of Rhino appears on the screen]
Computer: Threat identity: Rhino. Rhino's strength is only matched by his lack of wits. Warning...
[Computer chuckles]
Computer: Smells like a rhinoceros.
Nick Fury: All right, that's enough! I want some computer techs in here right now! I want...
[Spider-Man talks over Nick Fury, who is still indistinctly shouting orders]
Spider-Man: I'll tell you what. I'll leave you two to sort this out and I'll go see if I can find your buddy Iron Fist and that meteor shard.