Missy Palmer: Marzipan

Quotes 

• Homestar Runner : Whoa-ho, Marzipan! You look like a fox's mother!

  Marzipan : Homestar, if you're trying to say I'm a foxy mama, that's actually more offensive.

  Homestar Runner : Right, you know what I mean. The more offensive one.

• Marzipan : [greeting on her Answering Machine]  Hi, this is Marzipan. I'm probably outside eating some dirt or something. So just leave me a message.

  [Homestar leaves a message by calling with a bananna] 

  Homestar Runner : Oh, hey Marzipan, it's Homestar. Check it out, I'm on Pom Pom's cell phone. I'm gonna send you a text message. Are you ready? Here goes... P... L... Z... Spacebar... G... E... T... Spacebar... E... G... G... S... Spacebar... Oh! Backspacebar... Comma, M... I... L... K... Question mark? Okay, now I have to send it. Boo boo doot! This is great, now we don't have to talk anymore! Bye!

• [Strong Sad attempts to solve the mystery of some DNA evidence and is interviewing various people about it] 

  Marzipan : Well, it all started several weeks ago. I came home from my toga-yoga class to find that my house had been broken into and that the culprit had left behind some DNA evidence.

  Strong Sad : What was it? Hair particles? Skin flakes? Blood crispies?

  Marzipan : No, it was a little test tube just full of green DNA evidence.

  Strong Sad : Oh, just like in the movies.

  Marzipan : So I immediately took it to Bubs to be analyzed and *this*...

  [she holds up a test tube full of purple liquid that had been supposedly tampered with] 

  Marzipan : ... is all I got back.

• [upset to learn that Marzipan is going on a date with The Cheat, Homestar chews her out for that] 

  Marzipan : Look, Homestar, it's just a date. This has always been an open relationship.

  Homestar Runner : Whoa-ho-ho, says you. I've turned down more foxes' mothers than I can count just to stay loyal to you!

  Marzipan : [dryly]  So, four, then?

  Homestar Runner : Oh, that's rich.

• [the Cheat and Marzipan are on a date together at a restaurant. Strong Bad walks up, dressed as an Italian chef and wearing a fake mustache] 

  Strong Bad : [poor Italian accent]  Oh-a, it's-a me-a, the chef-a! A-which-a one o' you guys ordered the smack in the face-a?

  Marzipan : [annoyed]  I thought this was a *French* restaurant.

  Strong Bad : [normal voice]  Oh. Ummm, uh... s-snails?

  Marzipan : C'mon, T.C., let's blow this marshmallow stand.

  [Marzipan and The Cheat get up to leave the restaurant while Strong Bad watches them go] 

  Strong Bad : Yeah, you know, I didn't really research this role...

  [his mustache falls off] 

• [It's Halloween Night, yet it's daytime. Marzipan is playing a reggae tune on her guitar when Coach Z approaches] 

  Coach Z : Hey, whatcha doin' there, sista?

  Marzipan : I'm trying to attract Halloween Night with music. It loves reggae, you know.

  Coach Z : Good idea! And I can do some of my famous Halloween sound effects that everybody knows me for.

  Marzipan : Coach Z, I don't think that's what everybody knows you for.

  Coach Z : What're ya torkin' abort? Listen to this spooky owl. Hort. Hort-hort. Hort hort. Or get a load of these creepy crackets. Cracket, cracket-dadadadadadada. Cracket-dadadadada.

  Marzipan : [continuing to play her guitar]  We be jammin'!

• Marzipan : [to Bubs, on what they did for the summer]  So what did you do?

  Bubs : I drove my baloney sandwich truck down to the beach.

  [He is then shown on a very small desert island, where his baloney truck, which resembles an ice cream truck doesn't quite fit] 

  Bubs : [yelling]  BAH-loh-NEH! C'mon, people! C'mon, palm tree! I'm trying to sell a baloney sammich!

  [an Atari seagull flies past him, squawking as it passes] 

  Bubs : [to the seagull, angrily]  You shut your face!

  [Back to Bubs and Marzipan's conversation] 

  Bubs : I sold exactly zero baloney sandwiches.

  Marzipan : Well, that's great!

  Bubs : Yeah, it was pretty much my best summer ever.

• The Cheat : [some The Cheat noises to Marzipan] 

  Marzipan : That's so crazy! I've always wanted to see Ira Glass and Ira Flatow wrestle, too!

• [Strong Sad continues to try and solve the mystery of some DNA evidence and interviews various people about it] 

  Bubs : Well, it all started a few weeks ago. I just got finished teaching my toga-yoga class when old maid Marzipan shows up.

  [Bubs is seen inside his concession stand when Marzipan walks up] 

  Marzipan : [holding up the test tube of DNA]  Hey, Bubs, can you analyze this for me?

  Bubs : Sure thing! But it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg!

  Marzipan : Not a problem.

  [Cut back to Strong Sad interviewing Bubs] 

  Strong Sad : So, what did you find out when you analyzed it?

  Bubs : Oh, that. Well, next thing I know, Strong Bad shows up.

  [Cut to Strong Bad coming up to the stand] 

  Strong Bad : Hey, Bubs. One green apple snow cone, please.

  Bubs : Comin' right up!

  [Bubs looks for the liquid dispensers, but finds the green apple liquid empty. Hesitating, he pours the DNA onto a snow cone instead] 

  Bubs : [handing the snow-cone full of DNA to Strong Bad]  Here ya go. One... cough, cough... green apple snow-cone.

  [Cut back to Strong Sad interviewing Bubs] 

  Strong Sad : You served the DNA in a snow cone?

  Bubs : And it sold like hotcakes!

• Bubs : [to Marzipan]  How was your vacation?

  Marzipan : It was toot-sweet! I took the Cool Tapes on a Midwestern tour of bead shops and topiary gardens.

  [cut to a scene of the band Cool Tapes, comprised of Marzipan, Strong Mad and The Cheat, playing a rock song in a topiary garden] 

  Marzipan : [singing]  Cool tapes are cool, and we're better than ever. Cool tapes are cool, 'cause we're light as a feather. Keep it down with that real cool flavor. Me and The Cheat and our bass player. Rockin' the spot. Yeah, we're rockin' the spot.

  [stops singing] 

  Marzipan : Thanks, y'all! And don't forget we've got cool 7-inches for sale over at our merch table.

  Homsar : [running the merchandise table]  I'm a little light in the leftovers!

  [cut back to Bubs and Marzipan's conversation] 

  Bubs : I bet you drove the shapèd plants wild.

  Marzipan : Yeah, they were way into it.

• Marzipan : [reading from a book called "Algonquin Stew"]  You know, Homestar, I disagree with what you said about the underlying theme of chapter eight in this book. It's really not about man's struggle with double-sided tape. It's a metaphor for the Mesopotamian social hierarchy during the Bronze Age.

  [she then puppets a cardboard cutout of Homestar to make him talk] 

  Marzipan : [trying to sound like Homestar]  Sewiously, Marzipan, how do you get so smart? Don't you see you're a smart?

  [normal voice] 

  Marzipan : Well, thanks, Homestar. I guess I am kind of smart.