Steve Whitmire: Kermit • Beaker • Statler • ...

The Muppets

Kermit • Beaker • Statler • Rizzo • Link Hogthrob • The Newsman

Kermit the Frog: What? You kidnapped Jack Black? That's illegal!
Fozzie Bear: But Kermit, what's more illegal: briefly inconveniencing Jack Black, or destroying the Muppets?
Kermit the Frog: Kidnapping Jack Black, Fozzie!

[Waldorf finishes explaining the contract]
Statler: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were reciting some sort of important plot point.
Waldorf: I hope so. Otherwise I would've bored half the audience half to death.
Statler: You mean half the audience is still alive?

Rowlf: How come you didn't use me in the montage? I thought my story was pretty interesting.
[cut to Rowlf snoring in a hammock on his porch surrounded by other Muppets]
Kermit the Frog: Rowlf?
Rowlf: Huh?
Kermit the Frog: You wanna get back together?
Rowlf: Okay.
[cut back to the car]
Rowlf: Heh heh. Classic.

Walter: But Kermit, you have to try! The Muppets are AMAZING! You give people the greatest gift that can ever be given!
Kermit the Frog: Children?
Walter: No, the OTHER gift.
Kermit the Frog: Ice cream?
Walter: No, no, after that...
Kermit the Frog: Laughter?
Walter: YES! The THIRD greatest gift ever!

Miss Piggy: Kermit, we found a celebrity! Jack Black has graciously agreed to host the show for us.
Kermit the Frog: That's great! Where is he?
Miss Piggy: In the trunk.
Jack Black: [Inside car trunk] Get me out of here!

Kermit the Frog: Listen everybody, we've got nothing to be ashamed of. And you know why? Well because, thanks to Walter here we tried. And if we failed, we failed together and to me that's not failing at all. And I don't care what anybody says, I don't care if no one believes in us because... I believe. I believe in you. And you. And you. You know what's important isn't this building or name, it's each other. So I say fine, let's just start from the bottom and work our way back up to the top. Let's all walk out through these doors with our heads held up high, as a family because that's what we are.

Sam Eagle: Hello.
Rowlf: Hello.
Link Hogthrob: Hello.
Beaker: Mee-Meep.
[sees an ax in his own hands, freaks out a bit while getting rid of it to grab a hairdryer]
Beaker: Mee-Meep.
Rowlf, Sam Eagle, Link Hogthrob, Beaker: Hello.

Statler: [the door opens] There, now this here is Kermit the Frog's old office.
Waldorf: Or so we've been 'toad'.
[Statler and Waldorf chuckle]

Mahna Mahna: [sings] Mahna Mahna
Tex Richman: You're breaking the law! I own that name!
Snowth, Snowth: [the Snowths sing] Doo-doo, do-do-doo, do-do do do do do doo.
Gonzo: [with a bowling ball] Hey guys, I think I finally worked out how to - Whoo-ha!
[Gonzo throws the bowling ball and hits Tex Richman]
Fozzie Bear: 'Oil' bet that hurt.
[Tex Richman starts laughing]
The Newsman: This just in: Richman gives back Muppet theater and name. Change of heart, nothing to do with head injury.
Tex Richman: [sings] Mahna Mahna
Snowth, Snowth: [the Snowths sing] Doo-doo, do-do-doo

Kermit the Frog: [singing] Was there more I could have said?/Now they're only pictures in my head/That's why my green is feeling gray/Even frogs have rainy days

Kermit the Frog: Piggy, why do you always have to be so over dramatic about things, you know, it leaves me no choice but to do things that'll hurt you.