- Kyle Finn has the ultimate combat machine, a metal suit with super-human powers, and he uses it to defend the good and fight evil. That 'evil' comes in the form of Reed, his ninja henchmen and the Mecha Terror robot: has the Metal Man finally met his match?—Anonymous
- Kyle Finn is designing a WWII-like video game while still living with his parents, until he realizes that he's late for work. Before heading to work with Dr. Blake, he talks to Julie to tell her he'll see her later.
Once Kyle meets Dr. Blake in the lab, the doctor seems quite unimpressed with Kyle's video game called Bio Death, while also addressing his concerns that his passion for designing video games will interfere with his research on "True Science." Guess all other sciences are fake, so screw me I guess!
During the experiment, claustrophobic Kyle whines like an eight year old because Dr. Blake wants to dress him up as Discount Iron Man- oops sorry! I meant METAL MAN, a totally original character! The object of the test is to see how well the suit protects Kyle from the elements. SPECIFICALLY, the elements of the cold.
While Kyle is locked in the freezer, Dr. Blake suddenly gets attacked by evil businessman Reed and his gang of Ninjas! You can tell these Ninjas are good at their job because they don't look like ninjas at all! Reed takes a copy of the Metal Man helmet, claims that Dr. Blake stole the helmet and tells the doctor his company needs weapons that work. Out of anger, Reed pushes Dr. Blake to the floor, leaving Kyle in the freezer because he was presumed to be late "as per usual."
In Dr. Blake's dying breath, Kyle gets released from the Freezer and learns that he was hired because of he... "has the right character...?" Dr. Blake dies and gets absorbed into Kyle's suit. Blake's AI representation tells Kyle that the suit froze onto him and can never take the suit off ever again! (Because that's how technology works, RIGHT?!) Panicked, Clausterphobic Kyle wants to go home, but can't because it's being invaded by ninjas, and he's panicking even more now because he's claustrophobic! Because of this, the doctor tries to relax him by telling him Claustrophobia does not exist. Kyle realizes that he has the power to LITERALLY ELIMINATE HIS FEARS! Also, he has the power to say the word "stealth" and TURN HIS SUIT INVISIBLE! This power is so OP, it even saves on the movie's massive budget!
Once Kyle returns home, he realizes his parents are dead. Kyle has to fight the ninjas now! It's a good thing they don't know how to shoot, amirite? Unfortunately, Blake warns him that these ninjas work for THE GOVERNMENT or something like that, and he has to leave his house before he gets arrested. They have to retrieve the remaining programming chips anyway. Before Kyle leaves, he has to fight more ninjas outside! Why they're using axes and not guns is beyond me. But now, Kyle has been framed for murdering Dr. Blake and his own parents!
Reed is disappointed in his henchmen that they got beaten by a college kid instead of a pitbull for some reason.
During a date, Reed expresses his hatred towards Peter (who I think is Dr. Blake's first name, would be nice to know), even going as far as to accuse him of killing Marissa's father! Marissa informs Reed that according to the MMPI test, Kyle is able to tell the difference between right and wrong, is level headed, thinks before he acts, and can improvise when necessary. Apparently, he also scored a 173 on his IQ test! Reed doesn't believe this, and tells Marissa that he murdered Dr. Blake and his own parents, although he refuses to elaborate his sources. Reed believes that Kyle is very horny and wants Marissa to interrogate him because he thinks Kyle's gonna leak his secrets around a beautiful woman (if that works, it's on Kyle!)! The ninjas interrupt their date to tell him that they can't find Kyle anywhere! They even listened to the police logs and everything (Step up your game, Al Capone!)! Now the bad guys gotta find him!
Kyle is in a secret base or something and apparently all the utilities are paid. If he's got electricity and can STILL hide from the cops, they're honestly just bad at their job! But now, Kyle can only eat one thing for the rest of his life, and that's the green goop known as Nanobots. To make matters worse, it tastes like GARBAGE! Suddenly, Kyle finds new chips and gains new abilities.
Reed's scientists realize that the helmet he stole was a decoy. Also, apparently I've been getting his name wrong, his name is actually Sebastian! Thanks, movie! I don't feel lied to at all! Marrisa's eGirl assistant decides to fabricate the test results because screw Sebastian I guess! Apparently, the scientists suspect Sebastian of lying, and honestly I don't blame them.
Apparently, Kyle has a magic- I mean futuristic mirror that allows him to change his appearance to someone who looks like the combination of six different people so he can't be traced by the police!
Kyle in disguise has to go to the hardware store now, and he suddenly bumps into some beta male cuck who wants to fight him because he's scared of losing his girlfriend.
Dr. Marissa lies to Sebastian and he isn't pleased, so he forces Marissa's assistant, the eGirl to wear the decoy Metal Man helmet. Ultimately, the helmet kills her- HUH?! I thought it was a DECOY! Thanks for lying to me again, but I guess this is what I get for trusting a blatant Iron Man ripoff! Since Sebastian has a lot of connections that can ruin Marissa's life, he demands the real results, and NOW!
Oh yeah, apparently Kyle's immune to Bullets and also has a shield. Now that he has the tools, he has to fight more ninjas. And he has to save some random girl from getting mugged. Oh, now he has healing powers? Since when was THIS established?!
Now Kyle is at Sebastian's house, and he just barges in as Metal Man without a disguise and beats up a security guard, so we get to see him exhibit some "I don't care" vibes.
Meanwhile, Sebastian knows that Kyle is in his base and wants to kill him. He tells the ninja that if he's not back in five minutes, kill Kyle's girlfriend. No, I didn't forget to mention them kidnapping his girlfriend, the movie did.
Marissa is fine and still in the lab, just vibin with Kyle! Oh, yeah. PETER HAMILTON?! I thought Peter was Dr. Blake?! WHO DAFUQ IS PETER?! Seems like important information to leave out if you ask me!
Uh oh! Sebastian is gonna kill Kyle with a gun! It's too bad this scene has no tension since it's been established that Kyle is immune to guns, unless this movie LIED TO ME AGAIN!
Now Kyle is meeting his girlfriend who doesn't recognize him, and he want to negotiate with Sebastian to let his girlfriend go. Sebastian tells Kyle to get on the table and he... LISTENS?! Wasn't he established to be a genius? SOME GENIUS WE HAVE HERE, YOU'RE IMMUNE TO GUNS YOU IDIOT! Looks like Marissa has a plan, so she fools the guard into letting her go EVEN THOUGH THE GUARD WAS LISTENING IN!
Now the guard wants to shoot Metal Man but he escapes and beats the guard easily, and he sets his girlfriend Julie free. By the way, Julie's mad because he thinks Kyle's just playing a game. Just get a new girlfriend, she's clearly not worth it.
Meanwhile, Marissa tells Sebastian that Kyle's helmet can't be removed, then she attempts to fight him and fails miserably.
Back with Kyle and his should-be-divorced girlfriend, it's revealed that he has "Full Stealth" mode! Not only can he turn invisible, but he can turn other people invisible too, because science!
Oh, turns out Kyle can only take a few bullets at a time... just like real people... thanks movie...
Marissa is getting interrogated by Sebastian and... he had another Metal Man helmet...? WHY DID HE BOTHER STEALING DR. BLAKE'S HELMET IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
Kyle and Julie escape to a barn filled with hay and goes into Stealth mode to try to calm Julie down. Kyle is low on energy and he needs to rest. But he insists on trying to wake up Julie and gets mad at Dr. Blake, blaming everything on him.
So then Kyle wakes up in a bedroom from a long nap and he and Julie have an awkward make out session. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought Stealth Mode only turned the suit invisible, not COMPLETELY TAKE IT OFF! Concistency? WHAT'S THAT?! He can use his inhaler too? Guess he DIDN'T have to eat that green goop after all! THANKS DR. BLAKE! Oh okay, good thing that was a dream. Glad this whole thing was just A WASTE OF MY TIME?! Wait a sec... if he can't take off the suit... how does he... pee...? Is he gonna have to wear the same clothes every day? His sweat might literally kill him, and that would be a painful way to go!
Later, Kyle and Dr. Blake apologize for their actions and learn to tolerate each other, and now he has to get ready for his one final battle on low energy!
As it turns out, the final boss is not Sebastian, but Marissa. The new and improved Marissa, Mekatera M48! She's like... a green skull Iron Man or something like that... Anyways, they get in a fight and Metal Man beats the green robot- Wait WHAT?! How did Sebastian get ANOTHER HELMET?! He had NO NEED to steal a helmet, what an idiot! Marissa asks for the Self Destruct code 44875. Apparently, it's supposed to destroy ALL the helmets, but only destroys SEBASTIAN?! HUH?! Oh, and then the movie just ends abruptly.
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