- Annie Brackett: What the fuck! Andy, are you seriously planning on standing out here all night? This is ridiculous!
- Deputy Webb: Hey, Annie, I just do what the boss tells me.
- Annie Brackett: Well, I'm the boss... of the boss, and I say move your shitbox over there, Kojak, okay? And don't make a federal case out of it, turn off the goddamn gumballs.
- Deputy Webb: I'll do what I gotta do.
- Annie Brackett: Wha...
- [laughs]
- Annie Brackett: ...what the fuck are YOU gonna do, jackhole?
- Laurie Strode: [yelling outside her house, drunk] Hey, world! Guess what. I'm Michael Myers' sister! I'm so fucked!
- Wolfie: [after making out with Harley] I'll be right back. I'll be right back, gimme one second.
- Harley David: Where the fuck are you going?
- Wolfie: I gotta take a piss. I've been having to pee since I got here. I'll be right back, don't go anywhere.
- Harley David: So, who says I wasn't into the water sports? A little golden shower?
- Wolfie: That's gross. You're trippin'.
- Laurie Strode: [walking around the hospital] I-I need something for my head!
- [pause]
- Laurie Strode: [yells out] HELLO?
- Annie Brackett: Look at me. What is going on? Let me just call my dad, okay? We can talk to him.
- Laurie Strode: You know what? I have a message for your dad. Tell him that Angel says "fuck you"!
- Annie Brackett: Who is Angel? Laurie!
- Wolfie: What are you supposed to be? A sexy vampire?
- Harley David: I'm a chick who's dressed up as a dude who wants to be a chick.
- Wolfie: But you are a chick, though, right?
- Harley David: Why don't you put your hands down my pants and find out, Wolfman.
- Wolfie: At this point I don't really care. But seriously, you have a vagina?
- Weird Al Yankovic: I'm a little confused. Are we talking about the "Austin Powers" Mike Myers or is this someone else?
- Annie Brackett: Want some egg whites?
- Sheriff Lee Brackett: Oh, no. I think I'm gonna get me one of them sticky buns on the way in.
- Annie Brackett: Oh, that's great. Pastry for breakfast. Seriously, 500 calories of sugar and shit.
- Sheriff Lee Brackett: I know it. I know it.
- Deborah Myers: We're done waiting. Only a river of blood can bring us back together. It's up to you. It's always been up to you, Michael.
- Deborah Myers: You know who I am, Angel. Now, repeat after me: I love you, Mommy.
- [Laurie being held down by young Michael in her mind]
- Deborah Myers: I LOVE you, Mommy.
- Laurie Strode: [Laurie stops struggling and whispers...] I love you, Mommy.
- David Newman: Our next guest gained infamy as a psychologist for America's leading serial killer...
- [second guessing his choice of words]
- David Newman: "leading" serial killer?
- Weird Al Yankovic: I guess.
- David Newman: Well, he's probably the most notorious. "leading"? He's number one in his field. Anyway, his new book is called "the Devil Walks Among Us" and it's available somewhere. Please welcome Dr. Samuel Loomis!
- David Newman: You've been criticized and in some circles I have to say outright accused of profiteering off the misery of others. How do you even respond to that criticism?
- Weird Al Yankovic: Well, I think that's completely unfounded. I always get permission when I do the parody.
- David Newman: No, Al, I was talking to Loomis.
- Weird Al Yankovic: Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead.
- Dr. Samuel Loomis: No, no. no, please. It was fascinating, your answer.
- Weird Al Yankovic: Your turn. I'm done.
- Dr. Samuel Loomis: Actually, I take great issue with that statement. Besides, I might say that I've endured quite a lot of misery of my own in order to tell this story.
- David Newman: Yeah, everyone feels real bad for you except...
- Laurie Strode: [looks at the Myers house; to herself] So... Michael. This is where the dead comes back to life, hmm? It's been nearly two years... but you'll keep for another day or so, huh, old friend? You... motherfucking fuck! I grieved for you! You weren't even fucking dead! You were my best friend! Well, guess who's coming to shit on your doorstep, you fuck!
- Annie Brackett: [as Laurie sits in her room drinking beer, with Captain Clegg and the Night Creatures on her T.V. set] What's up with the booze?
- Laurie Strode: Oh yeah. Meet my new best friend.
- Annie Brackett: Is this how your new work friends roll?
- Laurie Strode: Maybe. Jealous?
- Annie Brackett: [Chuckles] Whatever.
- Laurie Strode: [as Annie turns to leave] You know what, Annie? I don't need your shit!
- Annie Brackett: [Re-entering Laurie's room] You don't need my shit? You don't need my shit? I put up with your shit 24/7!
- Laurie Strode: [Standing up] You better back the fuck off!
- Annie Brackett: Or what? Huh? The fuck are you gonna do? You know what? You act like you're the only one who's life got fucking trashed! I am so not buying the new Laurie act!
- Laurie Strode: I am not putting up with your Mommy shit. Get the fuck out of my room! Get the fuck out of my room!
- Annie Brackett: I'm not impressed.
- Laurie Strode: [as Annie walks out of Laurie's room, slamming the door behind her] Fuck!
- Sheriff Lee Brackett: [Entering the kitchen as Annie cooks breakfast] I am running ragged this morning.
- Annie Brackett: Morning.
- Sheriff Lee Brackett: Morning. Morning. Morning. Did you hear Laurie last night?
- Annie Brackett: Yes, Dad. I hear her every night. Please, God, don't say anything to her.
- Sheriff Lee Brackett: Hey, I won't.
- Annie Brackett: Want some egg whites?
- Sheriff Lee Brackett: You know, hon, I think I'm gonna get one them... sticky buns on the way in.
- Annie Brackett: Oh, that's great. Pastry for breakfast. Seriously, 500 calories of sugar and shit!
- Sheriff Lee Brackett: [laughing] I know it. I know it.
- Laurie Strode: [Entering the kitchen] Morning.
- Annie Brackett: Morning.
- Sheriff Lee Brackett: Morning, sunshine.
- Annie Brackett: [to Sheriff Lee Bracket] Hey, slow your roll for one second. Please, do not forget to pick up the pizza and... whole wheat crust.
- Sheriff Lee Brackett: [as he's leaving] God, Annie. Why don't we just have them take the cheese and put it on cardboard
- Annie Brackett: You're running late.
- Sheriff Lee Brackett: Cardboard's got a lot of fiber and it's cheap.
- Laurie Strode: [as he leaves] No meat.
- Annie Brackett: [Sitting down at the breakfast table with Laurie] Rough night?
- Laurie Strode: [laughing a little] Did you hear me?
- Annie Brackett: Mm-hmm. Just a little.
- Laurie Strode: God. Just when I think I can get back to something simple as sleep, it's like, ugh, right back at me.
- Annie Brackett: You wanna tell me about it?
- Laurie Strode: Nah. I don't remember much. It was a hospital one. Hadn't had one of those in a while. Guess I know what I'll be yacking about in therapy today.
- Annie Brackett: One day at a time, babe.
- Laurie Strode: One day at a time. One fucking day at a time! You know, if I hear that fucking phrase one more fucking time? I mean, she just fucking sits there in her leather fucking chair and judges me like she's fucking God!
- Annie Brackett: It's her job, Laurie! My God, what am I supposed to say?
- [Chuckles]
- Annie Brackett: Boo-fucking-hoo for you!
- Laurie Strode: See? You don't fucking care.
- Annie Brackett: [Pissed off] Right. I don't fucking care. I don't understand, Laurie. Oh nice. Thanks for leaving me some coffee, Dad!
- Laurie Strode: And I just, I wake up and I feel like I can't even breathe. Just seems to be getting worse.
- Barbara Collier: I'm, I'm concerned, but, uh, gosh, I can't say that I'm surprised. I mean, it's Halloween and Halloween is a big trigger point for you, isn't it?
- Barbara Collier: Barbara, I know Michael Myers is dead. I shot him in fucking head. I know he's not gonna come back just because of some stupid holiday.
- Barbara Collier: Laurie, they never found his body.
- Laurie Strode: So!
- Barbara Collier: So, it's very hard for you to get closure on this. I mean, he's objectively dead, but he's living in your mind and he's living in your heart and your emotions. So, that's the reality that we have to heal you from, which is why I say you're still in recovery.
- Laurie Strode: So, basically, I just have to wait until my brain heals?
- Barbara Collier: Well, let's, let's try and help your brain heal a little bit today, okay?
- Laurie Strode: Okay.
- Barbara Collier: Okay?
- Laurie Strode: Okay.
- Barbara Collier: How's your relationship with Annie going?
- Laurie Strode: Annie?
- Barbara Collier: Yeah.
- Laurie Strode: Um, ah, not good.
- Barbara Collier: Hmm.
- Laurie Strode: I know I kind of feel shitty for saying this, but... she's a constant reminder. Every time I see her face and I see those scars, I know that it's my fault. And, and, and I get, I get angry and there's something in my body that, that snaps and I get this zero to a hundred rage and I just wanna go up to her and I just... wanna... fuck it.
- Barbara Collier: Finish the thought. Finish that thought, it's really important.
- Laurie Strode: No, I'd rather not. You'll send me away.
- Barbara Collier: I would never send you away. We're here to keep you out of the hospital. The last place you're gonna heal is in a hospital.
- Laurie Strode: [Spotting an ink blot painting on Barbara's wall] What is that?
- Barbara Collier: That? That's whatever you think it is is what that is. The theory is that this ambiguous stimuli here will bring your subconscious thoughts into the light, illuminate them. So, what do you see?
- Laurie Strode: Um... white horse?
- Barbara Collier: Oh, uh...
- Laurie Strode: So, what does that tell you? Am I crazy or sane?
- Barbara Collier: Tells me you're a girl who likes white horses.
- Laurie Strode: [In hysterics] So, I was, um, going through the park and, um, there was this really crazy, um, Frankenstein and he was, like, yelling at the kids and was yelling at them, like, perverted things and stuff and everything. And I really thought it was funny and, and, and I stopped and watched. And then I, I, I, I saw, I saw this, um, this like, this farm.
- Barbara Collier: Laurie.
- Laurie Strode: And this lady let me hold the pig.
- Barbara Collier: Come and sit right down, Laurie.
- Laurie Strode: And the pig really liked me and she, she said that the pig liked me.
- Barbara Collier: Laurie.
- Laurie Strode: And I wanted to take it home.
- Barbara Collier: Sit down, Laurie. Come on, Laurie.
- Barbara Collier: [as Laurie sits down, crying] Stay centered. What's going on?
- Laurie Strode: [Crying in hysterics] I had this really, really, really attack and, not while I was asleep. While I was awake. Okay, I, I just need you to prescribe me something please.
- Barbara Collier: Laurie, according to my notes, you should have a lot of medication.
- Laurie Strode: No, I'm, I'm out. Look, I need you to get your magic pen and your magic piece of paper and I need you to write me up a prescription, please.
- Barbara Collier: Laurie, that's not the answer. Are you doing your breathing exercises?
- Laurie Strode: [Pissed] Breathing exercises? Breathing exercises aren't gonna cut it! I can't deal with this! I'm not strong enough and I'm tired of pretending that I am!
- Barbara Collier: No. Laurie, listen to me. Stay with me
- [Holding on to Laurie]
- Barbara Collier: You are so much stronger than you think you are. You are. Now, come on, sit down. Sit down. Breathe.
- Laurie Strode: You... better... Fucking let me go and give me some fucking prescriptions!
- Barbara Collier: [Taking her hands off of Laurie's arms] I'm going to give you some Haldol to tide you over.
- Laurie Strode: [Pissed] Haldol?
- Barbara Collier: And, yes, Haldol! It'll take some of these thoughts away...
- Laurie Strode: -- I don't want haldol! I want my prescription!
- Barbara Collier: [Feeling bad for her] I am so sorry you're going through this.
- Laurie Strode: Fuck! You know what? Fuck you and fuck this! I'm tired of your, "How are you, Laurie? I'm so concerned" a hundred bucks an hour. You know what? I would be concerned at a hundred bucks an hour!
- Barbara Collier: I'm really concerned right now!
- Laurie Strode: Bullshit!
- Barbara Collier: No.
- Laurie Strode: Bullshit!
- Barbara Collier: It's not bullshit!
- Laurie Strode: You know what? You're more fucked up than I am, you crazy bitch!
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