Ken Jeong credited as playing...
- Mr. Chow: Oh, you are having a bad day. Did you die?
- Mr. Chow: What's the matter, you never do blow before? Sometimes your heart stop, it start up again. Read a book.
- Mr. Chow: I do blow all night. Monkey jerk me off while I watch Stu make fuck with lady-boy.
- Phil: Your password is baloney1?
- Mr. Chow: Well, used to be just baloney, but now they make you add number.
- Mr. Chow: I got all kindsa heat on my ass. I got FBI, Bangkok PD, Interpol, MSNBC...
- Phil: Do you ever do anything that doesn't end in a stand-off, Chow?
- Mr. Chow: I a international criminal. It always ends like this. I met my wife at one of these things.
- Stu Price: You have a wife?
- Mr. Chow: Yeah, we married fifteen years. Whatsa matter, Mr. Chow not good-looking enough for woman?
- Phil: Wait a second Chow. We're in Bangkok?
- Mr. Chow: Holla! City of Squala!
- Phil: Do you ever do anything that doesn't end up in a stand-off, Chow?
- Mr. Chow: I'm an international criminal! It always ends up like this.
- Mr. Chow: [Following a harrowing car chase] I have such an erection right now!
- Phil: Chow, what happened.
- Mr. Chow: You guys texted me. Said you fucked up and looking to party.
- Mr. Chow: [holding up his hand while entering a restaurant] Stop! Chow crossing.
- Mr. Chow: [upon his arrest] How the fuck?
- [Samir walks in]
- Mr. Chow: Samir! You fuck me over 6 grand, you camel jockey?
- [spits]
- Samir: You spit to me? Huh? You spit to me? Hey! 6 grand this time, 8 grand last time. It's not the money, man. It's the principle!
- Mr. Chow: Principle? Nigga, please! We both dead inside.
- Samir: You call me nigger? Huh? Don't call me nigger!
- Mr. Chow: [as the cops take him away] Toodle-loo, motherfuckers!
- Samir: Racist asshole, man.
- Mr. Chow: Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone!
- Mr. Chow: Have you ever seen monkey in jail?
- Mr. Chow: It is about money.
- When Mr. Chow gets arrested: It is not about money, it is about principle.
- Mr. Chow: Just let me do one bump, get my head straight.
- Phil: You ever do anything that doesn't end up in a standoff, Chow?
- Mr. Chow: I'm an international criminal. It always ends like this.
