Kidnapped: The Abduction of Edgardo Mortara

Kidnapping is a crime, and so is "Kidnapped".

Truly astonishing how a truly astonishing story translates into a truly astonishing piece of passable cinema on the big screen. A young Jewish boy, secretly baptized into the Catholic faith by his babysitter, is abducted from his family under religious rule. Crazy, but this is 1857 Bologna, 1857 Italy, and 1857 Pope.

The film is presented in grand oil painting style, with golden lighting, velvety robes a flowing, and evil lurking in the shadows. Looks great. Plays, not so much. Hard to imagine a juicier topic handled with such a soft touch. Everyone involved seems detached of real emotion, instead relying on business like restraint, especially in what should be an inflammatory kidnapping scene. Weird.

The set up is tantalizing enough to give hope, but steam is lost quickly as "Kidnapped" starts to spin its wheels while going nowhere slow.

A tale as such, and it is a true one, begs for a grand, epic treatment, where religion, country and family come together in a clash of Biblical proportions. Instead we get an educational history lesson with easily forgettable characters.

• hipCRANK.